Curb Your Enthusiasm

Hello?

So it looks like what happened is this individual

broke into your home, burglarized it,

and in an apparent attempt to escape, tripped,

hit his head, and fell into the pool and drowned.

You know, I was sleeping, I don't know what--

Well, I heard a noise, I woke up.

All right. And when you came outside,

did you see or hear anyone?

No. No. Nothing. Mm-mm.

All right. And, sir, your name is?

Willie Nobody.

All right. And you also live on the property?

Fuck yeah, I live here.

That's my little bungalow right there.

Okay, and I see you don't have your fence up around

the perimeter of the pool, is there a reason for that?

What? Fence?

Santa Monica City Ordinance 8.12.150 says you must have

a fence around the perimeter of your pool

of at least five feet at all times.

Fence?

I... Honestly, I don't know anything about--

Nobody told me anything about a fence.

I bought the house from somebody. They didn't...

This is the way it came,

and nobody said anything about a fence.

Well, you are supposed to have one.

Am I in trouble? What does this mean?

You seem like a decent guy, so I'm gonna give you a pass,

but get the fence put in.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Can you believe it? No!

Seeing that in your pool.

Who expects something-- I wouldn't even have dreamed

- of something like that. - Imagine! You know, why me?

- Why you? - What's in my house?

- Hi, welcome to Netflix. Hi.

Larry David, Jeff Greene to see Don Winston Jr.

Great. Just give me one sec.

Don Jr.

Yeah. Don Jr.

How do you have a name like that?

Must be horrible.

Trump has really ruined it for all Don Jrs, hasn't he?

I would not want that as my name.

- Oh, my God. - All right, Larry.

- Jeff. - Thank you.

- Elevators are to your right. - Thank you.

Oh, hey. You going to Albert Brooks' funeral?

I have no choice.

Who throws a funeral for themselves while they're alive?

He does. And I have to speak. He's asked me to speak.

- No. - Yeah.

- Oh, jeez. Yeah.

All right. You ready for my pitch? Yeah.

The show is called Young Larry.

It's about my life when I was like 24, 25.

I lived in Brooklyn with my parents.

And my Uncle Mo lived upstairs with my grandmother.

Mm-hmm. - Mo was in his 70s.

He pushed racks in the Garment Center.

Would take the subway every day.

He never spent a nickel in his life,

- so he had over a million dollars saved up. - Uh-huh.

So, one day, Uncle Mo comes up to me, and he says...

-"I'm moving into the city..." -(CHUCKLING)

"...and I want you to live with me,

and if you live with me, I'll leave all my money to you."

- Wow. Wow. -(LAUGHTER)

So, in the show, I move in with Uncle Mo.

And, uh, I do everything that I can...

to accelerate his...

- demise. -(LAUGHTER)

So, how does he try to kill him?

Subtly. You know, like, giving him terrible food to eat,

Reuben sandwiches.

- Oh, God! Okay! -(LAUGHTER)

Making him climb up six flights of stairs,

telling him the elevator's broken.

-(LAUGHTER) - You know, things like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Young Larry, what's going on

in his life right now? Like, what is he doing?

Okay. Very good question.

- Thank you. - He's a private chauffeur.

He drives for an old woman. I was a private chauffeur.

I drove this old lady around. She was blind.

I never cleaned the car.

- She had no idea. -(LAUGHTER)

And so he has this huge Cadillac limousine

at his disposal that he uses all the time.

And I was a stand-- I was trying to be a stand-up comic.

So I was just starting out doing my act.

Oh, that's really interesting.

You know, we'll see him do stand-up...

Sure. -...when he's not chauffeuring

or whatever and trying to kill his uncle.

Wow. I love this.

- I think this is great. - Really?

I think we wanna do the show. And we're in.

Yeah? Yes, in!

You're kidding, really?

I love that. Absolutely.

Ah! Oh, my God. - Look at that.

- Purell? How about that? - I'm good for now.

I'm not a Purell hoarder.

Remember, the pandemic, the hoarders?

Hell yeah. - Nasty people.

- Terrible. - They're like horse thieves

- in the old West, aren't they? -(LAUGHTER)

Okay. You'll find that I'm a pleasure to work with.

Don't give me any notes. That's all.

I'm not-- I'm not joking.

I'm not joking. It's not a joke.

- That's great. -(LAUGHTER)

Hey. Thanks for lunch.

Oh, hell yeah.

Every time we sell a show that quickly, I'm buying.

So you're still going to, uh, Leon's girlfriend's--

- What's her name? - Mary Ferguson.

- Mary Ferguson's dinner party? - Yeah.

Leon said she has a nice place. I wish he'd move in.

Bringing anyone? - Yeah. I'm taking Lucy Liu.

- Really? - Yeah.

- How many dates is this? - This will be our third date.

Wow.

Hey. Isn't that Dennis Zweibel?

That is Dennis Zweibel, yeah.

You know, he still owes me 6,000 dollars.

Remember, I fronted the money for that golf trip?

Yeah. I paid you.

Yeah, you did. And everybody else did except him.

Well, you know, I, uh...

I heard he's got early onset dementia.

Yeah.

I better get the money now before he forgets.

Hey, Dennis.

- Oh, hey, Larry. - Hey, nice shirt.

How's it going?

- Great. How are you? - Yeah. Pretty good.

- Slightly awkward, but, uh... (LAUGHS) - Yeah?

Remember the golf trip six months ago?

- Uh-huh. - I put up money for everybody.

And just a little reminder that, uh, I don't know,

you probably forgot all about it but, uh, you never--

you never paid me the money back, so...

- I didn't forget. - Well, if you didn't forget,

how come-- how come you didn't pay me?

What are you-- What are you doing?

Like, are you, like, stalking me?

Stalking you? Nothing wrong with a little reminder, is there?

It's just-- it's rude. That's all.

It's just, you know. It's not necessary.

It's rude? I'll tell you what's rude.

- Yeah. - You know what's rude?

- What? What's rude? - Owing somebody 6,000 dollars

for six months and never mentioning anything about it

and not paying them back, that's rude.

- What's wrong with you? - What's wrong with me?

- What is wrong with you? - I think the question is what's wrong with you?

- Yes, you. You'd like walk around and... - You owe somebody 6,000 dollars.

- You didn't forget. Is that how you see the world?

You walk around the world and go...

- And you didn't pay them. -..."Oh, there's a guy that owes me money.

There's a guy that doesn't owe me money."

Yeah. The shoe's on the other foot! Everybody else paid.

"That guy might owe me money. Maybe I'll loan him money."

But not you. You decided not to pay.

- I know I owe you money. - Yeah.

When I see you at the club,

- I'll write you a check. - Fine.

And then you'll have your money, and it will be wonderful.

Oh. Oh, I see. Oh, I'm the bad guy here.

You're sick. You have-- you need help.

- I'm sick? - Yeah. You need help.

- I'm sick? - You'll get your money.

- I didn't do anything! - You're gonna get your money.

I'm not the bad guy.

How-- How would you-- How am I the bad guy?

How's it back there? Comfortable?

Oh, it's so nice. Yeah?

It's perfect. - You sure you don't want me

- to move up? - No. Oh, I'm great.

You know what, I am so excited.

I can't believe I'm in a car with Albert Brooks,

Lucy Liu, and Jerry David. I just-- I can't believe

- we're all going. - Oh, you're so funny.

Oh, I got my Jews confused a little bit.

I got my Jews confused?

- She's funny, Albert. - She's funny.

- Yeah. - Yeah. Anti-Semitic, but funny.

You know, I'm a huge fan of Albert's.

And I haven't had sex in year, so I'm really excited.

- Pull over. I'm done. -(LAUGHTER)

Oh, no, no!

So, Albert, uh, Larry told me that you're having a funeral

- for yourself? - Yeah. I call it a live funeral.