Dark Ride

Looks like it's closed.

Don't be such a wimp. The guy's right there.

I told you, Colleen,

if you're gonna pull this crap, you could've stayed home.

Will you just leave me alone, you idiot?

Well...

Jerk.

Come on already.

Two tickets, please.

Round trip or one way?

Go on, get on. It's not gonna bite you.

You see? It's all fake, you little baby.

Don't you feel stupid now?

Oooh.

Look at that devil face.

You're not looking. Look.

Mmm, it's kind of cool.

Stop it, jerk! Ha!

Oh, poor baby. Want me to change your diaper?

Whoa, look at that.

Imagine if this whole ride shut down right now.

We would have to find our way back out on foot.

It might take hours.

Look at that fire, Colleen. That's awesome.

You're not looking.

You are such a little girl, Colleen. You know that?

I'm gonna start calling you 'Colleen Cry Baby'.

I knew I should have left you at home, Colleen Cry Baby.

I'm gonna make you get out and walk this ride all by yourself.

You know what... (SCREAMS)

Sam!

I'll ride your stupid...ride.

Sam?

Cathy, am I even gonna need a bathing suit in New Orleans?

I don't think so, Liz.

Oh, unless you're gonna pull your top down for 'Girls Gone Stupid'.

What, like this? Whoo!

You know you're going to. You'd love that.

Can you tell me again why we're going there

and not some place with palm trees and umbrella drinks?

Look at it like this.

The money that we're going to save by enduring this trip with the boys,

and I do mean 'endure',

will more than make up for food, fun and anything else we might need.

Think of it as business, not pleasure, Liz.

I'm glad you suggested we go to New Orleans. It's retro. You feeling me?

It's like something our grandparents would have done.

Yeah, well, I was kind of hoping the female population down there

skewed younger than that.

When they were our age, you freak show.

Right.

Anyway, spring break's become this market-laden excuse

for multinational consumer product companies

to pass out samples of shit like deodorant and condoms.

Fuck! 'Final Cut'. Dude, I love this book.

What are you doing reading this?

You gave it to me for my birthday.

Oh.

Take it out of the bag and put one of these in instead.

We're going to spring break, not to the library.

What is this?

It's a condom and you have to use it when you're not having sex with her.

You know about her?

You know that Jim's driving us, right?

Yeah, I know that.

Are you OK with that after what happened?

What happened was I got really drunk

and I hooked up with someone I shouldn't have hooked up with.

It happened once. Come on.

You do it every weekend.

Once. Stop.

It's like the measles. It's out of my system.

OK, OK. Drop it.

You do know how I get when I get a few drinks in me.

I could basically probably hook up with anyone.

I think the whole school knows how you get.

Shut up.

Do you realise that Michael Cimino almost bankrupted United Artists

with 'Heaven's Gate'?

It's just such an abuse of production.

Why don't you take it down a notch with the movie mania?

We're trying to fit in.

What's the deal with you and Steve?

I don't know. My whole situation reeks of cliché.

I mean, all this together, apart, together, apart...

I'm fucking dizzy at this point.

And then the shit he pulled this semester.

So what did you tell him?

I like the sound of alone.

Do you still love him?

I don't know.

You know, I"m 19 years old. What do I know about love?

I highly doubt that quickies in the dorm room

and a romantic Saturday evening by a frat keg qualify.

I look at it like this.

I mean, if I can get through this trip as friends,

then that's all she wrote.

If I can't keep my hands off him, then, well, we'll see.

Oh, so you're taking the scientific approach?

Do you still love her?

Hell knows.

If we don't fuck during vacation, I'm guessing it's done.

If she can't keep her hands off me, we'll see.

So you're taking the Tommy Lee approach.

You can say that.

Oh, God, yeah. It was totally nuts.

Hi.

Oh, God, there they are.

Hey. Wait a minute.

Why would you want them to come with us

if you don't think you two are still dating?

Gas costs?

Doesn't the expression “bringing sand to the beach”

mean anything to you?

I'm not too worried about it,

although I gotta admit it does kind of blow my hitchhiker fantasy.

What? You always wanted to blow a hitchhiker?

Ow!

Hey. Hi.

Hello.

How are you doing? How you doing?

OK, gang. So we all set to do this or what?

Big Daddy's gotta go.

Well, when's Big Daddy gonna come home?

The road's calling, honey. I gotta go.

"Bye. See ya.

What's up, man? Hey, dog. What's shaking?

Elizabeth, it's been a long time.

Time was the only long thing you ever gave me, Big Daddy.

And it's Liz.

Ouch.

You got AAA for this dump?

Seriously, you guys,

don't talk shit about my baby.

They didn't mean it.

The '70s called. They want your baby back.

That is so funny. He's creative.

He's like the kissing bandit.

Bill, thanks for the invite, man. Should be a lot of fun.

Yeah, no, I'm just happy to be invited.

Boy's gonna get him some tail. My boy's gonna get him some tail.

Come on, stop it.

You wouldn't hurt a cripple.

Hello, 'Midnight Cowboy'?

John Schlesinger, you know? Jon Voight — Joe Buck.

Guys, it's a classic.

It's the first and only X-rated film

ever to win an Oscar for Best Picture.

Who are you people?

Get in.

You've never heard of it?

I love the shag.

Alright, let's hit the road, kids. Everybody buckle up.

J Making change in factions

J If the best is really yet to come

J We'd all stay longer

J Have passed... J

I guess it's a self-serve.

Are you sure this place is open?

Well, the lights are on. So, yes, I do.

Maybe the guy's taking a shit.

Must be free gas Friday.

No, come on, guys. Don't screw around.

Just go check around in the office.

Hello?

Hello?

Hi. How are you doing?