Nightmare in Argus

Hey, guys.

So I need to increase my membership

'cause if I don't,

I won't be able to make these sweet videos for you guys.

Start tipping though and maybe I'll do more.

Maybe I'll do anything you can imagine.

But first, I need to start by sniffing my armpits.

Ooh, that is strong.

On second thought,

maybe you guys can watch me taking a shower instead.

I'm gonna be washing my dirty,

stinky titties for you guys.

Does that turn you on?

Turns me on.

And I'm gonna be washing

this tight plump ass for you too.

I bet that turns you on too.

Hope you're all stroking it. (Chuckles)

Gonna watch me cleanse myself and get clean,

free from being such a dirty, naughty girl. (Chuckles)

I can't wait.

I'm such a dirty girl.

I need a shower.

I need to clean it all away.

Wait, I can't turn it on just yet.

It's gonna mess with the sound.

I wanna hear you all howling

because tonight La Lab Fest

is bringing you Millie Barker.

Thank you guys so much for coming out.

You guys too, you guys too.

We know how it feels to be on the side.

I am totally okay if you want to film,

if you wanna take photos, just hashtag cougar.

I really just enjoy drinking,

which sounds better than I'm an alcoholic.

I don't drink like I used to.

Actually I sometimes drink like I used to

to remind myself I don't.

A lot of people think

I should have chilled out at my drinking years ago.

I would've made different choices. But you know what?

You can't regret what you don't remember.

I am looking for some real dates now. I just wanna be real.

I wanna be like, hey, this is me. Accept me as I am.

Or pay for me to look different.

I'll pay you back.

I am never gonna ask you,

where do you see yourself in five years?

Why would I ask you that? I know I'm not gonna be there.

Down boy, I gotta make money off human perverts.

Relax, Bob. She's a professional.

Hey Patrick. I'm way behind on content.

Can you shoot a scene for me

and I'll get you a nice bottle of vodka.

Make it two cheap ones?

Deal.

I'm gonna need Elixir.

What do you want her for?

It's a girl, girl spanking scene,

but he won't send me enough money

for me to get another model down here so she's got the gig.

All right, let's hurry up and do this

before I just decide to stay in Argus

and start dealing and doing meth.

You'd be pretty good at it actually.

You are so high on your own supply.

What happened to her face?

Cruel summer.

Let me guess her name's gonna be Regina.

And action.

Regina, you've been a bad girl.

And I'm going to expose you as a thief.

Patrick, get the ass shot.

Five years ago I won your reality contest fare and square,

but you had me kicked off and I lost out.

I had to move to the desert. Shoot sleazy fetish videos.

Just to show 'cause I'm going to give you

this panties down spanking.

I have dreams.

My dreams are your nightmares.

My dreams are your nightmares.

Cut.

You should make him pay extra for the choking.

I got a little carried away.

Oh gosh. It was so close, Patrick.

My comedy special, everyone was talking about it in LA.

I just needed to find a way to stay in the city.

Thanks to Regina Worthington. Here I am, FML.

I gotta go.

I'm sure there are worse places to be banished to

than Argus, California,

but I can't think of any right now.

Hello, my love. How was the audition?

Oh, didn't go well?

Oh, it didn't go well.

What's wrong?

I swear you love those birds more than me.

Well, I've known them longer than I've known you,

but I love you just the same.

Oh!

More. More. I love you more.

I'm sure I didn't get the part.

Oh. Well, I could get you more acting lessons.

You think my acting sucks?

No, I didn't say that.

I'm just saying that...

I mean, more acting lessons could never hurt. Right?

I just feel like I did really well on the audition,

but it just felt like they weren't even interested.

Like they weren't even giving me a chance.

Well, maybe it's one of those things

where they're taught not to give any expressions

so that you don't know how you did.

Whatever.

Let's go for a swim.

Oh, well what about the wet killer?

The Wet Slasher? What about him?

Well, he's out there killing young ladies

in their showers and pools.

So now we're not supposed to use our pool.

Oh, fine. I'll just up security.

Oh, but speaking of, we have a little trip

to visit Sylvia first.

No, not the crazy witch lady.

Welcome to my own personal (indistinct)

Thank you, Sylvia, for seeing us on such short notice.

I really appreciate it.

Did you both take a bath?

Well, Andrea did. The protection spell is for her.

I don't want the wet killer getting anywhere near her.

Slasher. It's The Wet Slasher.

I mean, the wet killer would be such a lame name.

Right.

Please continue.

This is a safe space.

This is a safe space?

I mean (elbow thuds)

Ow!

Yes, this is a safe space.

Free from violence. Please allow Andrea to speak her mind.

She's a free spirit.

Yeah.

Well, Andrea has nothing to say

about your beautiful home, right?

So if you will? Continue.

Is this true, Andrea?

Yeah, sure. I mean, whatever.

Go on with your little witch thing. (Chuckles)

Andrea doesn't like anybody touching her,

aside from myself.

So please, let's move along here.

Mm.

Air, earth,

fire and wind.

Come to us now in the form of spirit.

Great spirit, protect Andrea Worthington

from the evil Killer, known as The Wet Slasher.

Protect her from evil.

Especially from The Wet Slasher.

We are so grateful for your eternal protection.

Fantastic. Is it done?

It is. It is done.

I thank you so much for everything you've done.

Donations are appreciated. My Familiar needs to eat.

Right. Absolutely.

Hi, welcome to Make It With Millie,

my weekly cam show.

I am Millie. (Chuckles)

Sorry. (Chuckles)

I do use my real name on my cam show

because I like to give credit where credit is due.