The Barber Shop

Pretty good town you got here.

You bet we have.

A public library, and the largest insane asylum

in the state.

Come on, Joe.

Let her down.

All right, all right, back it up, will you?

They sure were great fights last night, O'Hare.

Yes, they were.

Never saw better fights in my life.

I got a kick out of them myself.

So did I. So did I. They fought like a couple of dressmakers.

When I see fights like that, I feel

like getting back into condition and getting into the fight game

myself again.

Ah, that's better.

Hello, O'Hare, what do you know?

Not a thing, not a thing.

That lug tells his wife everything he knows.

Why should I tell him anything?

Good morning, Mr. O'Hare.

Oh, good morning, Mrs. Scroggins.

How's Mr. Scroggins?

He's not so well this morning.

That's unfortunate.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm worried about him.

Yeah, I am too.

He was out on one of this benders last night again.

How he can drink that raw alcohol and live, I don't know.

Fine man, he is.

Get out, get out, get out, get out.

You think all I got to do all day long?

Pop, Mom says for you to come up and get your fiddle right away.

Get my fiddles? I'll be right with you, Ronald.

Pop, you want to hear a riddle?

I'd love to hear a riddle, Ronald.

What is it?

Why does a cat's tail like a long journey?

I'm afraid you have me, Ronald.

Why is a cat's tail like a long journey?

Because it curves at the end.

Ronald, very good.

You're absolutely side splitting.

Eat your dinner.

What, no meat?

Vegetables contain more minerals.

You want to hear another cat riddle?

Yes, I would.

I'd love to.

What looks most like a cat looking out of a window?

I don't know.

What looks most like the domestic feline contentedly

gazing from the window?

I'll tell you what looks most like a cat

looking out of a window.

Another cat looking in!

Oh, very good, Ronald, very good.

Eat your spinach, eat your spinach.

Would you like to hear another riddle?

Don't encourage him.

Eat your carrots.

It shows he's awfully smart.

Mr. Lincoln used to tell riddles.

And that, as much as anything else,

made him the wonderful president that he was.

Pop, why is a load of hay like a mouse?

Don't, my poor brain.

He gives me pains with these terrible wheezes.

You know why a load of hay is like a mouse?

No, Ronald, I do not.

I've never noticed the similarity

between a small rodent and a large amount of horses food.

Why does a small rodent resemble a load of hay?

Because a cat will eat it.

Cat will eat it.

Cattle eat it.

Very good, Ronald.

Eat your spinach, Eat your spinach.

Hey!

Yeah?

Come in!

Come in!

Come in, come in. Hey!

Coming, coming, I'm coming.

Hello, I hear you want to buy a fiddle.

No, I have Lena here.

I'm perfectly satisfied with her.

But him is a fine fiddle.

He may be a fine fiddle.

But I get very sweet music out of Lena.

Somebody told me that you want to buy a fiddle.

Well, as a matter of fact, a few weeks ago, I did.

But I had Lena all fixed up.

And I'm perfectly satisfied with her now.

And me push him for three miles.

I'm sorry about that.

Hey, hey, can I keep him here till I come back from work?

Surely, surely, put him right in the corner here.

That's fine.

Right in there, that's fine.

You take good care of him?

I'll take good care of him, yes.

So long, boss.

Goodbye.

How do you do, , or, uh, Miss Flugg?

Have a nice lunch?

Yes, I had a wonderful steak at the lunch counter.

Steak, I love meat.

But we never have it at our house.

My wife's a vegetarian.

All we have is vegetables.

Say, I was practicing last night on Lena out in the garage.

And I think I got that down fine now.

Would you mind listening to it?

Oh, I'd love to.

You like that?

I think it's sweet.

Yeah, I think it's much better.

Isn't it funny?

My wife doesn't think it's music.

She just has no ear for it.

Here's the other one.

This is the second melody.

That's more difficult that way, when you have to move

your hands around that way.

How do you do, sir?

Will you sit down?

Manicure?

No.

Hair cut or shave?

Yeah.

I beg your pardon.

Isn't your name Flugg?

Yeah.

I thought so.

I didn't recognize your face when you first came in.

No, it's all healed up since I was in here last.

Mr. O'Hare?

I see they're offering $2,000 reward

for that bandit who robbed the bank at Cucamonga City.

$2,000, I'd like to get that dough.

If I wasn't so busy, I'd go over and choke that guy to death.

I'd teach him not to rob banks in and around the city.

Mr. O'Hare?

Did you had your hat on backwards?

I beg your pardon?

Did you know you had your hat on backwards?

Oh no, oh, thank you very much.

I had it on backwards day before yesterday,

and a a friend of mine came up and kicked me in the stomach.

Rubbing, rubbing.

Joe, don't miss it!

Rubbing, rubbing.

Be careful, boys, be careful.

OK, Mr. O'Hare.

I haven't thrown a spit ball since I

was first line pitcher on the Baltimore Orioles years ago.

Go out, son!

Careful, get on the other side of the street!

OK.

Here she goes!

Ow!

Well, he-- he didn't hit it.

Shut your eyes, please.

That tickle?

A little dab, but that won't hurt.

Ah, ah, ah.

OK, wasn't your fault. I can fix that.

No harm done, no harm done.

Got a mole?

Yeah, I've had it all my life.

Mm-hm.

Won't have it any more.

I want to shave here.

OK, OK, OK, OK.

Oh!

That's all right.

How do you do?

Is it true that you can take weight off

in that steam room of yours?

I positively guarantee it.

My wife says if I don't get some of this fat off

she'll leave me.

Just step right this way, will you?

Right in here, here's the room right here.

Just go into this hangar.

Change your clothes in there.

If he ever took his shoes off, he'd go right up in the air.

Say, what's that dog doing in here?

Oh, it's a very funny thing.

The other day, a man was in here.

And I was shaving him.

The razor slipped, and I cut his ear off.

The dog got it.

Ever since he's been hanging around here for-- go away,

go away.

He's going to get another-- he can't get another ear here.

Gotta follow through the same as you do with a hockey club.

I just sharpened these razors up.