Very Bad Things

Honey, you sent in all the deposit checks, right?

Yeah, I think so.

What do you mean, you think so?

I mean... what? I mean, I sent a lot of checks.

I think I sent them all.

The... the wedding cake check?

Sent it.

Ok, the photographer? Sent it.

Ok, the hotel for my parents?

Sent it. The band?

Brought that one to them, yeah.

Ok? Yeah.

The tent and judge. Judge Townsend.

Uh, honey, the tent? I don't know about that.

You forgot the tent check?

I th...

Why? Why would... why did you forget the tent check?

Why? I forgot. I forgot.

You can't play around with these tent people.

You can't. You can't play around with them.

I know. I've been dealing with them,

And believe me, I'm not playing with them.

Kyle...

I have been doing all of this by myself, ok?

I know. I have been busting my ass.

I have done absolutely everything, everything,

Everything, everything, everything by myself.

I know.

Ok, everything has been on my own, ok?

Ok, I've been doing it all.

I bet you didn't forget.

The bachelor party checks.

Ok... is that what this... is that what this is about?

No!

Because we could talk about it. No!

Let's go over it again. No, no, no.

No, It's ok.

No, I'm just saying that I'm sure.

That those checks found their way to the mailbox.

That's all.

I wouldn't know.

It amazes me, you know, It really amazes me.

How you and your little fun bunch can become so organized.

When it comes to mobilizing to Vegas.

It's not... It's not me doing it.

It's them handling it all.

And I'm sure that Boyd is the creative force behind all of this.

Yeah, Boyd... Boyd's organizing the whole thing.

Robert Boyd is a big sack of hot gas.

Robert Boyd.

Tina... great, ok. Here's the deal...

We're talking 5 guys.

Nice guys, Tina. My friends.

Yeah. Well, I'm calling you directly.

So you don't have to go through the agency.

Hey! Could you please not enter the house?

That's correct. Cash straight to you.

Could you hold on?

Could you please wait off the property?

We're just trying to sneak a peak.

Well, just stay off the property until I'm off the phone.

Why?

Because that's the way we do it.

Chop, chop.

So, it's 5 guys, 900 bucks, just dancing.

Anything else is extra.

Are you in?

It's just how I feel. I feel that, at some point in time,

You're going to have to reevaluate some of your friendships.

Well... ok.

Specifically... specifically who?

Charles Moore.

You don't like Moore?

I just don't see him in the big picture.

Ok... but realize,

I've known him since the third grade.

Well, he's weird.

He's quiet.

He's weird.

Hon, he just doesn't talk a lot.

Why? I mean, is he mildly retarded?

He never speaks! He's a mechanic.

Well, he's weird, Kyle, and frankly, I really...

I... I expect more from you.

Yeah, ok, wh... you expect more what?

You are going to be hung over for 3 days,

Like those guys on oprah who... who get drunk.

And have disgusting sex with prostitutes,

And then they go ahead, and they just say their vows.

They say their vows with the stench.

Of cheap hotel whore sex all over them.

That's absurd. Listen to yourself.

It's Vile, Kyle. It's not Vile.

I've seen it on television. I'm not going to...

What do you mean it's not Vile?!

I'm not going to marry you.

With the cheap smell of hotel whore sex...

I am not to be common, Kyle, ok?

I am a creature like no other.

I know that. I am a creature like no other.

And I will not... I will not be common.

Do you understand me? I got you.

Is that too much to ask, Kyle? Is it too much to ask?

You won't be common!

Honey, take it.

Are we going to eat, or am I just going to...

Honey...

Do you love me?

Of course I... I love you.

Of course I love you.

How much?

I love you with all my heart.

Kiss me.

Look, it's just insecurity.

I don't know. She's just really been stressing.

It's insecurity, nut-gnawing gut-splitters.

What does that mean?

It means she's insecure.

About what?

About...

Mike Berkow.

Just a second. All right, big man.

14.3. Thank you. 17.5.

4-6...29.83...

at 9.

Look at him.

I'm amazed that the windows.

Don't blow out of their fucking sockets.

With all the ass-puckering rage.

In these soulless lizards.

You know, I just... I just want her to be happy.

Same alarm clock every morning,

Same two pops on the same snooze button.

Same shower, towel, toothbrush, razor, blazer,

Hair pump, gel spray. It's a fucking epi...

the beatrice accounts.

It's an epidemic, Fisher.

You're getting married, baby bub.

I'm not going to candy coat it. It just gets worse.

It's an 18-wheel cement truck.

That's going to crush every bone in your big body.

Well, I'm not breathing right lately, either.

Course you're not.

I... I just start getting, like, lightheaded and dizzy,

And then the next thing I know, I realize

I haven't breathed in, like... in two minutes. That's because...

Hey, hey, hey... we're leaving from my house in 3 hours, ok?

If you want to come, you better get your numbers in order by then.

All right, first of all...

No "first of all." I'm not in a game mood, ok?

We were having a conversation, ok?

You never said "excuse me."

I'm sorry. Fisher, I'm sorry.

That's all right. We'll be there, Adam.

I know you'll be ready. Michael... 3 hours.

Ok. All right.

Look at that big, blind, gawky bitch boy.

Well, he's your brother.

Freaks me out, man. You know that?

Panic junky, I want to smack him.

I don't deserve that.

Kyle Fisher.

We've got problems.

Problems?

Seating problems.

Ok, well, uh...

Ok, first they said it wasunderstood.

That we were supposed to have gold-trimmed, padded seats, right?

And now they're trying to tell me.

That there's some sort of misunderstanding.

And that now we can't have padded ones!

Ok, so what kind of seats can we have, then?

Nonpadded ones!

So what do we do about it?

Well, you're going to go down there.

Go down to where?

You're going to go down, and you're going to straighten out.

Those chair people.

What... honey, I'm going to Vegas in 3 hours.

I need your help!

I'll call from the road.

Do you love me?

Do... more than I ever imagined I could ever love anyone.

Straighten out these chairs?

Ok, listen, we're leaving from Adam's.

Why don't you come down and see me off?

Maybe.

Timmy, Adam junior, take a good look at this.

And notice how clean-cut.

And well-behaved they all appear,

Respectable members of modern society.

That's us.

Ok, boys... smile.

Smile, dad. Smile.

Smile!

Hey. Smile...

Smile, smile...

we're smiling! And all right.

As you were!

Good-bye. I love you.