Girlboss

Come on, now, they're all waiting.

No, Mom! No!

Sweetheart, it's all right.

If you don't love Kevin yet, you will.

We all will.

Nobody can understand you, sweetie.

I think she said, "It's the chest." She's always been really top heavy.

It's the dress!

Oh.

I want the vintage beaded one.

She told me it'd be here on time. She promised me.

That's what you get for ordering it online.

The Internet should only be used to forward prayer chains

and make jokes about the Clintons.

Mom! How is that helpful?

Look, everybody here thinks you look better in this dress.

You're breathtaking.

- You're stunning. - Eh...

- Really? - You're glowing.

I swear to God, I'm gonna tear that fuckin' Nasty Gal apart.

Okay. I'm ready.

We've got movement.

Just lick my ass.

Was that directed at me?

Oh, no. Talking about ladyshopper99.

This bitch thinks she can get a refund with some weak sauce excuse?

"Dress is discolored." Please. I know that shit was perfect.

You wanna come at me, you best kill me. Otherwise, I'm gonna fuck up your world!

Hi. I'm Sophia.

I'm Nathan. And I love everything you just said.

Well, goodbye forever.

- What do you mean? - Okay, I'll tell you.

I can't afford to be a student here anymore.

Sorry, I just...

I have a lot of creative energy, and I don't know how to channel it.

Not on my own, you know? I wanna...

I wanna make art that makes you feel something.

Like when you look at Monet's Water Lilies,

or Van Gogh's Starry Night.

Or... this.

Take it in.

You're not going anywhere.

What do you mean?

No one who feels as passionately as you do

should be kept from a place like this because of money.

Not if I can do anything about it, which I can.

You're gonna give me $20,000?

No, man. Come on. Please.

I'm just gonna let you in. Give me this.

Wait. You would risk your livelihood

just so you could help me pursue my dreams?

Sure.

I only got this job so I can afford hernia surgery.

Like so many other young vibrant women.

My uncle had a hernia.

- Hm. - He's dead now.

- Not from the hernia. - Oh.

From complications with it.

So, what do you think? Is it art?

- Yes? - Yeah.

- It is. - Mm.

Or is it?

It's not?

Is it?

- No, seriously, is it? - Oh...

I need you to tell me, because the teacher said it wasn't.

Oh.

- Please. Definitely art. - Ah.

Thank you.

You know, I wish I could say that was the first time

that I accidentally stepped on a baby, but, oh, I buried the lead.

They opened a Jamba across from my waxer.

So, earlier today I was able to pop by for a quick sip and rip.

Oh!

Oh, I wanna be inside you.

Discolored? Does this dress look discolored to you?

'Cause to me, this color be a coffee stain.

I'm loving your energy right now.

Ladyshopper99 clearly spilled coffee on this dress,

and then had the nerve to send it back.

Well, stained, discolored, whatever it is,

it's mine now.

Oh, my God, this dress is heaven.

I could so walk down the aisle wearing this.

- And marry who? - I don't know.

Dax? Buzz Aldrin? Your dad?

I'm gonna let that go because I'm pissed at someone else.

God, I wanna fuck an astronaut so bad.

Hey, unrelated, have you seen Failure to Launch?

Mm-mm.

It's an okay movie, but then they go play paintball,

and, no joke, it goes on for, like, two and a half hours.

Okay. Listen to this malarkey.

"We've been working tirelessly

to set up the home for my wedding this Saturday."

Blah, blah, blah.

"Now I have to find a replacement dress,

but when I find the time, expect a scathing review."

Eh...? Wh...? Uh...?

Shit. I just started this thing. She cannot do this to me.

There's no small chance you just missed the stain?

- Hell no. - Okay.

But this isn't about me being right or her being a lying sack of shit.

Okay. I know what I'm gonna do.

I will assure ladyshopper99 that I can get the dress cleaned

and back in her arms before the wedding.

Or you let me keep the dress and you kill ladyshopper99.

Hmm...

Here's the thing. You get caught, you go to jail.

But you're released early for good behavior.

I'm there to pick you up, I'm wearing the dress. Bad decision.

But you don't say anything at first, so, I think I'm off the hook.

But then, out from behind your back,

I think you're gonna pull a knife, and it's a bouquet.

And Buzz Aldrin is there,

and you've organized my wedding on the day of your prison release.

You're a really good friend.

Yep, that's definitely a stain. Looks recent.

I knew it.

My first guess was coffee,

but on closer inspection, I'm positive it's Coke.

Hm.

- Diet Coke. - Do you think you could get it out?

Miss... we are the best.

You want the worst, you go to my brother's.

- You want the best, stay where you are. - Got it.

I thought all dry cleaners were pretty much the same.

That kind of statement would be hurtful to a less confident man.

So, Diet Coke, huh?

Yes, I will get this out, no problem.

The dress will be ready end of the day Friday.

Whoa. That's cutting it a little close.

Do you think you could have it faster, since you're the best?

End of the day Friday. Anywhere else would take longer.

My shit brother's place? Two weeks.

Jesus, what the hell happened between you and your brother?

He is the worst.

Shouldn't have taken the bait. Okay. I'll be back to pick this up on Friday.

Thank you. You are in good hands.

- Edwin, don't you mean the best? - Best hands.

- Yes. - Yes.

What's wrong with Melissa?

It's Marissa.

If you wanna live to see another Chrismukkah, shut your pretty mouth.

- Aw, you're too cute to... - I'm not fucking kidding around.

All right. All right, cool it. He's got her out of the car.

They'll kiss, she'll smile, we'll check in with Seth and Summer

because they're way more interesting.

And then they'll head home and get a great big hug from Peter Eyebrows.

God, I hope you're right.

Marissa. Marissa.

Marissa.

Who the hell?

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

- Nasty Gal Vintage, Sophia speaking. - What?

Yep.

Ladyshopper99, I am so happy you still want the dress.

Yes. Oh, please, no, no, no. You live so close.

I promise you I will have that dress ready

and in your hands well before you walk down the aisle.

What is happening? Somebody do something.

Yes. Discolorations can be difficult to see in certain kinds of light.

Great suggestion.

I will have my bulbs looked at.

- Marissa. - No, you're right.

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit, she's dead?

That Melissa chick important?

Yeah. She's not just, like, a character on a show, okay?

- She's also really pretty. - Thank you so, so much.

- Sophia? Sophia. - Thank you. We'll talk soon.

- Bye-bye. Have a good one. - Sophia.

Sophia. They killed her.

Those monsters killed her.

I cannot believe I had a work call

during the most significant TV event of our lifetime.

I hope this means they make Taylor Townsend a regular next year.

Who the fuck likes Taylor Townsend?

- ID, please. - Thanks.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- Thanks. - ID, please.

Thank you. Proceed.

Look at us breaking the law.

The funny thing is I'm not allowed in Blockbuster, either.

I rented Cider House Rules. Never returned it.

I was trying to get my Michael Caine down.

"These be the rules of the Cider House."

Whoa.

Promise me you'll say hi to me in that voice every morning.

As you wish, Sophia.

Oh, my God. Did you watch The OC last night?

- Of course. - Like, I literally just stopped crying.

My mother started a "Save Marissa" petition online.

- You watch it with your mother? - Of course. I live with her.

- Oof. I'm sorry. - Why? I love it.

We cook together, we drink together,

we spy on our shady neighbor together.

Those apron strings are tight.

No offense, but that's nuts.

Sophia, you must come to my house for dinner tonight.