Mutant Action (Acción mutante)

Hurry up!

What are you doing with the tape? Not so tight!

Let's put the bag on him

before he starts screaming again!

That comes later. First, we put the bag on him.

- He's suffocating! - He's not!

I'll suffocate you, midget!

It's all going perfectly.

He's moving less and less.

He's tired! We've been at it for half an hour!

I think he can't breathe.

Because of the bag.

Shut up! This isn't your first kidnapping!

Shake him up, M.A.

I don't think he's worth taking.

We won't even cover costs with the ransom.

Alright, we fucked up.

He's dead, isn't he?

Okay, let's go.

It's always the same!

Let's go!

Come on, dammit.

Now you're in a hurry? Wait for me!

CRIME REPORT

At five o'clock this morning,

the President of the Bodybuilding Federation

was found murdered in strange circumstances.

This may have been an attempt to kidnap him.

Police sources believe the criminals

to be the terrorist gang "Mutant Action".

MUTANT ACTION

Since Mutant Action was created ten years ago,

this group of handicapped

has perpetrated a number of crimes.

Good looking celebrities

and institutions related to public health and sperm banks

have been their specific targets.

FOOTAGE OF THE SHOW Get Fit with Susana

And now, the most important part.

Assholes!

Gang members have been identified as

Alex and Juan Abadie, Siamese twins since birth.

Cesar Ravenstein, alias Quimicefa,

famous in the criminal world for having five kilos of dynamite

permanently connected to his chest.

José Oscar Telleria, alias Handyman, the gang's mechanic.

He has been arrested more than fifty times.

Let's watch one of these occasions.

Stop! Police! Throw down those crutches.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say may be used against you.

You have the right to an attorney.

Amancio Gonzalez, alias M.A., born deaf and dumb,

who has one of the lowest I.Q.'s on the planet

and is endowed with extraordinary strength.

And José Montero, alias Hump, a hunchbacked dwarf,

Jew, mason, communist and presumed homosexual.

Police sources note the coincidence

of this latest attempt with the imminent release

of Ramon Yarritu, leader and brain of Mutant Action,

after having served a five year sentence

for illegal possession of arms.

Tomorrow, the Orujo family residence,

owners of the world famous

Orujo wholemeal bread factory,

will be richly decorated to celebrate the wedding of Patricia Orujo,

heiress of the industrial empire,

to Luis Maria de Ostolaza.

Yarritu! You're out!

Let's go!

Boss, it must have been hard, being locked up all this time?

Not really. Television is very entertaining,

especially the news.

Stop! Police!

Drop that spray!

Drop that spray!

It was my turn to do the dishes, but with all this hurry...

What's wrong with the computer?

The hard disk is fucked up. I don't know why.

You could have taken down the washing.

- My tuxedo? - In your room, Ramon. impeccable.

- The guns? - We only need to oil them.

Is that the cake!

Yes, we have to add the cream, the decorations...

It still needs some work.

We're leaving in five minutes. I want a perfect cake.

Let's see if you're clear on the plan.

Handyman, the cat's food!

You think he's angry?

He may not know anything.

It was all over the place.

They do it out of spite.

It didn't work out, so they want everyone to know about it.

M.A. says that it failed

because we are not organized.

We need to restructure.

Without a good structure, things don't work out as they should.

Oh!

And we need a guy with balls in the right place.

Otherwise, this is chaos.

Where are you going!

Let go of that hand!

What the hell have you plugged this into?

Maybe if we hit this button...

That pipe is for the brake fluid!

What have I always told you?

That we ask you before touching anything.

But now move your hands and fix this!

The spaceship could explode!

What?

All right!

Let's try and concentrate on the plan.

Okay.

We'll go in this way, with the truck.

There are two guards here.

We can get past them with the cake.

There'll be no problems.

We've got 15 minutes to get out

before the real bakery truck arrives.

This is the back door.

And if we make a hole here? It might be faster!

Well,

it looks like you've been thinking a lot lately.

I'm saying it because there are two guards here...

Was it you who organized the last kidnapping?

Or did nobody organize it?

You simply went there to open holes and hand out oranges!

It's not that, Ramon.

It's not what?

I don't think it was such a big deal.

- He died. We were unlucky. - Right.

- And the plastic surgeon? - That was different.

It was his fault,

he got nervous and jumped from the speeding car.

And the fashion show?

Fifty kilos of explosives that blew up

an hour after everyone had left.

If you wanted me to feel indispensable, you succeeded.

Five years of my life watching you clowns

make fools of yourselves on the news.

"It's not that bad?"

Who do you think you are?

Have you forgotten the three big questions?

What were you when I found you?

We were garbage, hospital refuse!

Who took you out of the gutter?

You, Ramon!

- And what are you now? - Mutants, Mutants, Mutants!

We're soldiers in the Mutant army and we're going to win the war.

Society has treated us like shit

and now we're going to kick some ass!

The world is dominated by pretty boys and spoiled brats.

God! Enough of this "diet" shit!

We've had enough colognes, car commercials,

mineral water!

We don't want to smell good! We don't want to lose weight!

No!

We're the only ones left, my friends.

The rest of the world are either stupid or hipsters.

Yes!

We are mutants, not beach boys or design fagots!

Right!

And now, let's show those shits

what terrorism means.

- Look, there's Cuqui. - Have you seen his face?

He does drugs and alcohol.

They're well matched. She hits it hard too.

- I hear she does drugs. - What do you mean?

Someone told me.

These hors d'oeuvres are shit!

The bride's dress looks like it was handed down.

I'd say it was handed down from her late mother.

The groom's tuxedo looks patterned,

but when get close, it's just covered in lint.

Hello, there!

What a delightful party!

You look like a movie star, dear! Where did you find such a jewel?

Tacky!

You have given me the greatest joy of my life.

I only wish your mother could see it.

Don't cry, father. I'm so happy!

We've brought the cake.

- All of you? - It's very big.

This way.

Wait, only two of you.

Then we'll stay here

and wait for them to come out, okay?

There are a lot of us and it must be crazy in there.

They're taking a long time.

You think there's a problem with the cake?

Maybe we'd better go in.

It's okay, guys.

You are not programmed to let us in.

It must be hard to stand here all day.

Why not ignore your program

and let us in?

What do you say?

M.A., tell these gentlemen that we must go in.

Like I said, try to slip in unnoticed

and mingle with the crowd.