Girlboss

Hey.

Anyone catch the sunrise this morning? Ah.

It just keeps getting later and later every day.

- I got you a coffee, K-dog. - Permission to reject nickname?

Permission granted, Kavarooney. Ooh, there it is.

- Found it. - You found nothing.

Well, well, well.

Did someone heed my advice and clamp her puss around a good attitude?

Hey, why shouldn't I have a good attitude?

The launch is in ten days. We've already found our hundred pieces.

Kavarooney's finishing up the site.

Please stop.

And you are going to be throwing us a sweet-ass party.

Uh, yeah, I am. My entire day is devoted to the playlists.

I need a pregame, a throw-down, a postgame, a chill mix, a step up...

Don't forget "It's 3 a.m., get out and throw your cups away",

"I ain't your mama" mix.

Why not just turn the music off?

Because that would be party suicide, Kavarooney.

Oh, yeah. That name's gonna stick.

Let's not stop at 100 pieces.

- We should add more. - How many more?

Ten, 20, 50, however many we can find.

Let's not stop at this stubby dick.

Let's make it bigger. I don't care how hard it is.

Man, that thing just keeps paying off.

Yeah, I'm a magnet at parties.

Because of my approachable face,

and people sense a vulnerability in me that's just not there.

So, does that mean that you're coming or not?

You haven't RSVP'd yet.

Oh, God. "RSVP."

"Hello, the '80s called. One moment, I'll check.

"Is there a Poindexter here? No? He's moonwalking with Webster?" Mm.

- I understood none of that. - Well, good.

'Cause you'd be in tears right now, it's such a cutting remark.

Oh. Okay.

But I guess I'll come to your little gathering.

- See you soon. - Bye.

Shane cheated on me.

Whew.

God, I haven't said that out loud yet.

I thought I could make it to the launch without dealing with it.

But I'm losing my mind.

I just can't stop thinking about it.

I'm sad.

I'm angry.

Embarrassed.

I feel so dumb.

And I don't have time to feel any of those things right now.

Who the fuck is Shane?

My boyfriend.

I told you about him a few months ago.

Oh, right.

- You two kept things "cas." - Yeah.

It wasn't, though.

It never is.

You know, I tried that once.

You remember those two Black Panthers

at the '68 Olympics who raised their fists in protest?

- No. - Open a book.

Jesus.

Anyway...

It was with the white guy who came in second.

We kept things "cas" in that Olympic Village.

We kept things real "cas."

I wish I could unsee it.

It doesn't work that way.

You know what you need to do.

I don't want to break up with him.

Then forgive him?

I'd rather you slap me.

I mean, I can't even look at him in the...

My God, with those sandpaper hands.

Feel better?

Not at all.

Exactly.

You have to make a choice.

Yes, I would like catering for 20 to 200 people,

and we don't have much money.

So, uh, do you have any inexpensive options?

Okay. Does that broth come in different flavors?

Just cow.

Hold on. Hey.

Hey.

I'm on the phone.

Oh, sorry.

And, um, how much would that cost?

Hey, you.

Under the stairs.

Hidden away like the family embarrassment.

I like your artwork. It's useless and impractical.

Thank you.

Yeah, Annie says that everything you see before you was inspired by that piece.

So, she wanted me to bring it in as a gift to Sophia.

This conversation has reached a natural stopping point.

I'm gonna turn away now so I can get back to work.

You work here?

I didn't know they were hiring.

Hey. Are you guys...

Um, you know what? I think I'm gonna have to charm my way into Costco

and call it a day. Okay.

- What? - What?

What? What do you want?

- Oh, is now a good time? Oh. - Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I wanna help with the launch.

Oh. Well, thank you. But I think I have it covered.

Oh. Please?

I'm in between passions right now, and my days are empty.

How many games of Uno can I play with my mother before we lose our minds?

The answer is siete seis.

Well, I could use some help decorating for the party tomorrow.

You got it. Say no more.

Oh, God, I'm excited.

- Hi, yes... - Hey, girl.

Did you hear?

- We're gonna be hanging out together. - I'm gonna need a name first.

Try to guess.

- Bradley. - Ooh.

No, but could you imagine?

Keep guessing.

Tyler?

- Mark? - No.

Mm... Jim?

- Can I help you with something? - Yeah, I need to speak with Shane.

Are they almost done?

Just about.

- Hey, Shane. Somebody's here to... - Yeah, it's me.

Sophia.

Your girlfriend.

You know, the thing you needed to call me

so that you didn't turn into a lying, cheating, fuck-face scumbag.

Oh, shit.

- Sophia, I, um... - How could you do this to me

during the most important time of my career?

Of my life.

- And you called me selfish? - Yeah, I... She... I...

- How do I mute this asshole? - Sophia, I can expl...

I don't want your excuses.

I don't wanna hear how it was a one-time thing,

like there's something special about a rehearsal studio.

Like you just happened to succumb to your urges

in this tiny, shitty room with your emo music playing.

And you, with the guitar.

I'll always remember you as the girl on her knees.

And you're gonna have to tell your kids that.

Or maybe you won't. Kids are perceptive. They know when Mommy's a slut.

Oh, boy. You're bringing the kids in.

You're right. That was too far. This is on Shane.

But still, woman to woman...

so not cool.

Sophia, please.

Two years of my life wasted on you. I'm not gonna waste another second.

I can't believe he did that to you.

It was so rough.

I was like, "Oh. There's my boyfriend."

And that's a girl sucking his dick."

Oh, my God. I would've panicked.

I would have gone full To Catch a Predator on his ass.

I would've been like, "Freeze, motherfucker. You're going to jail."

Well, this is what I did:

That's also good.

- Yeah. - That's what happened.

No, it's...

It's all good.

And you know what? I...

- I wish him the best. - For reals?

Yeah.

Yeah, I just hope he doesn't do it to the next girl.

That's a pretty adult thing you just said.

Thank you.

- This is some strong-ass shit. - It tastes like the sun's piss.

Holy shit.

My life looks so different.

It's pretty crazy.

Tomorrow's the day.

The big launch.

Sophia, this is the night we're gonna look back on when we're old.

Yeah?

And our boobs are in totally different places.

And we're reminiscing about the good old times.

Just sitting on the floor.

So innocent.

So much ahead of us.

Okay, stop talking about the moment. Talking about the moment ruins the moment.

Oh, okay, but on my deathbed, I'm only going to think of two things.

Oh?

This night...

and when Kelly Clarkson won American Idol.

I fucked a firefighter that night.