Ghosted

Yesterday two teenagers reported seeing

this elderly gentlemen disintegrate before their eyes

- into a pile of dust and bones. - Dust and bones?

Sounds to me like a classic case

of teen one-upsmanship.

"Oh, hey. I made out with this girl last night."

"Oh, really? I made out with a girl last night, too.

"And some old man

"disintegrated right in front of us."

- Are you done, Leroy? - Yes, I am.

We tested the bones and identified

the man as Dan Brewster.

Now, here's where it gets interesting.

This was Dan one week ago.

He was 25 years old.

What?

- Barry, did you just like his photo? - Mm-hmm.

One last like for my main man Dan.

So, a person aging decades in a matter of days.

Is it just a severe case of progeria?

I mean, have you ever seen anything like this before?

No, we have never seen anything like it.

Sorry, Leroy. Uh, progeria is a disease

where the cells in the body go through

their life cycle at an accelerated rate.

You think you're the only one who knows what progeria means?

We've all seen Benjamin Buttons, bro.

Well, actually, Benjamin Buttons is just the opposite.

- So, rewind it. - What?

What are we, watching it on a VCR? What's going on?

What's wrong with VCR?

- You have a VCR? - Yeah.

- What movies do you have? - I got all the Rockys. Uh-huh.

- Rockys? The Rocky movies? - Yeah.

- Do you have Rocky I? - Mm-hmm.

- II? III? - Yeah. Yeah.

- IV? - Mm-hmm.

- V? Rocky Balboa? - Yeah. Mm-hmm.

- Creed? Sweet. - Yeah.

Before he died, Dan was a caddie

at the Copper Glen Country Club.

That's where he was last seen alive.

Now, he caddied for this gentleman,

Stafford Yates, who is the wealthy CEO

of Vaia Pharmaceuticals.

They concentrate their research

on the area of antiaging.

So, this Yates person wants to do

fountain-of-youth testing

by kidnapping human guinea pigs?

Maybe. That's what we're gonna find out.

You two are going undercover at the country club.

I want you to track Stafford Yates.

Find out what he knows about Brewster's disappearance.

Oh, and, uh, one more thing.

You're using two separate covers.

One of you is a member. The other is a caddie.

Member.

Okay, how about this?

How about we take turns carrying the clubs?

Max, you're the caddie.

The caddie carries clubs.

Well, yeah, traditionally.

But, I mean, how about we develop

a new kind of caddie...

Golf boss relationship?

Hey, you're lucky. You got off easy.

I'm the one who got stuck with the hard job.

Traipsing around as one of these upper-class jerks.

- Rich people are the worst. - Leroy, listen, you're gonna have

to keep an open mind, okay?

I mean, some of these people are perfectly lovely.

For instance, I have a rich uncle.

Uncle Petey. He was the best.

He had this huge house, right?

Have us come over,

let us trim the hedges, let us rake

up the leaves into these giant piles.

He'd-he'd let us push the lawn mowers around.

I mean, it was a special time.

You were an unpaid child gardener.

What?

Stafford? Stafford Yates?

Ha! It really is you.

As I live and breathe.

Do I know you?

You wish. Leroy Wright.

- What's up? - How's it going?

I go way back with Kurt Downing.

When I told him I was moving

my import-export business

to town for taxes...

he told me about this second-rate pigsty.

Figured I'd come check it out.

Okay.

Well, this is Campbell McMasters.

- He's the president of the club. - Hey-oh.

Kurt's been a great friend

of this "second-rate pigsty."

Hey, Yates.

You gonna hit the ball, or have you gone blind

staring at Campbell's idiotic watch?

Golf bosses. Bunch of windbags, right?

Rather hang with my boys.

- Oh, is that me? - Yeah, big-time.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. - Oh.

Hey, you caddie for Stafford, right?

- What's he like? - He's fine.

- I mean, I barely know him. - Same.

Same. Yeah, yeah. No, I-I don't know

that guy. We're not best friends.

There aren't any songs that remind me of him.

Right.

Hey. Uh, do you have any advice for the new guy?

Yeah. Don't work here.

What do you mean?

There's a really high turnover for caddies here.

Some of them kind of...

Disappear.

- What are you talking about? - Shh.

Not here.

You mean, like, no talking at all? Or...

- Shh. - Tell you what, the feds

are all up my ass over these African gazelles

I want to bring over here.

Regulations are killing me.

I killed one of those. They're beautiful.

But I hear you on the regulations.

Damn FDA.

Used to be all over us at Vaia.

How is the pharmaceutical game?

What?

You think they let him work

at a pharmaceutical company?

Yeah, I got kicked off the board about a year ago

for making a porno in my office.

They called me "grossly incompetent."

I'm like, "No, I'm not. You are!"

Killer comeback.

Yeah, I'm that good.

Okay.

Pretty good strike.

- Sliced it. - I did.

It's not a tomato, Yates.

How am I gonna get that in the bushes?

That's what a caddie's for, isn't it?

Man, I hate this game.

- Come on, caddie. - Sorry.

It turns out that another caddie

disappeared from Copper Glen a few years ago.

A pattern emerges.

You know, I used to belong to

one of these places growing up.

These people are literally the worst.

I would not be surprised if they're actually running

these tests on these kids.

Wait, so you're rich? But last weekend

you said you couldn't afford

to do karaoke with me and my roomies.

Okay, last time I did karaoke with you guys,

Miriam told me that if I couldn't hit a high "C,"

then I shouldn't bother trying to sing Mariah.

Here's what I want to know:

how rich are we talking?

Plane or boat?

Okay, sorry, just...

Maybe Miriam was right.

Helicopter?

All right, I'll catch up with you losers later.

- All right. - I got to tip my caddie.

Sometimes I give mine extra

to do a little dance. Caddie?

- Uh-oh. - Oh...

- Come on, now. - -Man, don't do it.

- Here we go. - Ricky, don't.

Hold the line. Just don't do it.

- Dance, dance. - Here we go.

- Dance, dance. - Here we go.

- Dance, dance, dance. - Here we go.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Oh, there it is.

It's gonna get away from you. It's gonna get away from you.

- There you go. - Yeah.

Come on, come on.

There you go. There you go.

Top-notch, Stafford.

Nothing funnier than destroying a man's dignity.

My caddie's so stupid,

he thinks NASDAQ is a rapper.

He thinks Waterford Crystal is a stripper from Connecticut.

Look at him. I think he actually does

- think that. - He does! Look at his face.

He still wears his wedding ring, and his wife ran out on him...

- Twice! - Wait, wait. Same wife?

You think he could afford a second one?

All right. Be good.

Take care, guys.

Oh, that's sad.

- Hey, man. - Hey, buddy.

Getting a little personal

with the roast battle there, don't you think?