Ghosted

Ah.

Who would have done this?

Effective immediately, I am taking over as director of this department.

I can't even confirm that his badge is authentic.

Listen, you messed up. You got demoted... it happens.

Oh, I know who bugged the office.

Kenneth Lanier.

The same dude who funded the documentary They Came from Space.

- (BOTH LAUGHING) - What?

I just noticed you don't have on your wedding ring.

Anyway... (STAMMERS) I just wanted to...

Maybe.

And this light you saw, can you describe it?

You've never seen light before?

Excuse... Is that tape?

It keeps out the spiders.

How?

With the sticky.

And how did the light move?

I don't know. I guess it was attached to a ship.

Right, not what made it move but,

like, what direction?

Up, then back, then forward, then up really high.

: You're kind of short.

How does the sticky stop the spiders?

Taste of their own medicine.

So, you saw the light in a field...

Over the field. You stupid?

No, but you are.

So the spider thinks,

"This is what it's like to be caught in a web"?

The spider thinks, "Oh, no, this woman is a giant spider,

and I better not mess with it."

How did you hear about us?

From The New York Times. Or, from where I'm from, The Times.

Ooh, my spider soup is ready.

You've got that down, man!

It's so exciting. We're gonna see him.

Tonight! - Ooh-hoo!

We're just going to the concert, like it's no big deal.

I'm telling you, he puts on a show, man.

I can't wait. Can't wait. Uh...

Oh, you know, I wanted to, uh...

This is kind of weird, just because

I'm not really a signal guy.

- You know? - Signal guy?

Yeah, like, I never did the sock on the doorknob.

Ah. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, if at a certain point tonight

you see me do this...

- Jazz hands. - Right.

Maybe give, uh, Annie and I a moment?

- A moment for you and Annie? - Yeah, I don't know, it's...

You know, it's been a while since we checked in

- on each other's vibes... - Oh.

- You know. - I thought that was done and buried.

Well, she's been on my mind,

and, uh... I don't know. Whatever.

I probably won't make a move tonight.

I don't think you should.

What? Why?

- (TIRE BLOWS OUT) - Whoa!

Oh, my God.

- Whoa! - Hold on, hold on!

We need to change this fast, get back on the road.

Or we could change it in the time it takes to change it.

Hey, what did you mean I shouldn't ask out Annie?

Ah, you know, coworkers.

Things get tricky with everything going on.

Right. Is this because of the jazz hands?

'Cause it's not a big deal at all.

I could totally come up with another signal.

You know, like, uh...

something less Broadway, you know?

Like, uh... Like, uh...

- Is that a teapot? - It's a teapot.

That's right. I could work that into a conversation.

I don't think I can make it tonight.

Okay, it's the restaurant confirming

our reservation for tonight.

Hello. Can you hold on one second?

Are we still a party of three, or...

No.

Okay, Leroy, listen,

I can't keep Petite Poire on hold forever, man.

That's a very romantic restaurant.

Is it?

How about this?

If you want to go out with someone, you ask her out,

the two of you go, and we'll call that

Max's private romantic life.

Okay. Confirmed. Yeah, we'll see you tonight.

Now, it's a patio table, right?

Great. All right.

Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, check this out. I'm gonna send this to Annie.

She's a butterfly nut.

Max...

- Did you... - I slept with Annie.

...see that?

Huh.

So, like, you and Annie? Or...

I know it's kind of a bomb to drop on you,

and I was looking for the right time to tell you,

but then the UFO happened...

Yeah, no, it's cool. I mean...

You know, Annie and I never dated.

- We were never even a thing. - Right, right.

So, who cares?

We may have seen an alien ship, like, a spaceship.

Us! Paranormal investigators.

- What are the odds, right? - Unbelievable.

So, were you guys, like, on a date, or...?

Max. Max, let's not go down this road.

- It only happened one time. - Going down a road?

- I'm just asking you a question. - No. Wha... Max.

I just didn't want to hide it from you.

Yeah. No, and I'm glad you told me.

- Like, I love having this info. - Yeah.

- You know? - Good.

Sorry if I was a bad lover.

It's just that, since the election,

I can only climax in the fetal position.

Shut up. Why are you after me, Lanier?

And why did you bug the Bureau?

We weren't in the room. All right!

I'm part of an organization called the Triangle Group.

Yeah, don't be confused by the hexagon logo.

It was just a big, wild meeting that went sideways.

Why are you targeting me?

And why did you bring that Merv Minette in to replace me?!

I don't know who that is or what you're talking about. Ha-ha!

Ah... Now, I get to ask you a question.

Who's the...? Oh, no, wait.

What's the...? Oh. Uh, why could, uh...?

Give me that, you idiot.

All right...

so there was no conspiracy against me.

I, I just got demoted because...

Oh, I'm sorry.

You want to hear the kookiest part of all this?

They're already here.

Who's already here?

We. We're already here.

Okay, we're not saying for sure that this is an alien craft

that you're about to see, but we have a pretty good...

No, no, you're about to see it. You want to see it?

Let's just watch it, please.

Here we go.

- Excellent camerawork from this one. - Thank you.

That's a butterfly, I think.

- Why would you film a butterfly? Boring!

Heckle, heckle, bang the gong.

Guys, it's not about the butterfly. Okay?

I mean, yes, it's very exciting to see a tiger swallowtail

- this early in the season. Okay? - Rare.

I get it, but just keep watching.

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

It's zigzagging.

Whoa, no way. Could be a punctured balloon.

My wife cannot find out about this.

That was definitely something.

- Did you get closer? Watch this turn.

- It's probably just a drone. - Nothing can move like that.

- That was no drone. Right?

- (ON VIDEO): Did you... I slept with Annie.

- ...see that? - (WHISPERING): Turn it off.

Turn... off. Max.

LEROY (ON VIDEO): You hear me? Max.

Turn it off. I can't...

- (ON VIDEO): Max. - (ON VIDEO): Yeah, I heard you.

Still want to make a move,

at least you know everything.

Watch it again?

Start right after the UFO leaves?

- Yeah. - I think so, yeah...

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Hey, that-that's enough.

That's enough.

No one's watching anything.

When I was your age, we didn't have TV at work.

Just find out the real explanation.

For the UFO?

Or the Leroy-Annie thing?

The UFO.

The thing on the video.

For the love of God, don't call it a UFO.

Makes us sound stupid.

: So, how was it?

Sasha.

It just seems to me like you didn't have to tell him at all.

To not to tell him would've been unfair to all three of us.

How would it have been unfair to me?

Okay, to me and Max, then,

but I just wanted to include you.

Well, you have made things really hard for me.

He was gonna ask you out.

So? What does that have to do with you?

Okay, sure.