Shrinking

There we go.

- That's what I'm talking about. - Finally. Geez.

What's with you?

We're trying to enjoy the game and he wants to spoil the vibe

and talk about real stuff.

Eventually you're gonna have to talk to your dad about how he let you down.

Come on, man.

I told you he sucks.

- It's not gonna happen. - Okay.

It will. When you're ready.

Until then, I've decided that we're both gonna be available to you from now on.

But I would not call Paul after 8:00 p.m.,

because last time he answered the phone from his bathtub with Julie.

How big is your tub?

Not that big.

My man.

But as far as your treatment is concerned, I'm still in charge.

Think of me as... as Santa, and Jimmy as...

Do not make me an elf, Paul. I'm so much bigger than you.

You can be a reindeer.

Not the fancy one with the red nose,

but one of the randos in the back, like Fluffer.

Fluffer's not a reindeer, Paul.

Fluffer and reindeer are such different jobs.

So, how am I supposed to deal with working with my dad every day

until I figure this shit out?

Just love him.

Goodwill is everything.

If you meet him with that when you're ready to talk,

it'll come from a great place.

Game's back.

Unless Jimmy wants me to talk about my dad now.

I'm guessing he wasn't much of a hugger.

No, he wasn't.

You two ever kiss on the lips?

All the time.

Oh, my God.

- Hey. - Hi.

Sorry I'm late. I was with my mom. She was in an accident but she's okay.

She drove into a tow truck. Actually, onto a tow truck.

The good news is,

the tow truck driver was able to take the car straight to the shop.

All right.

So...

Do you know what's crazy?

Now, my sister wants me to convince our blind-as-hell mom

to get her eyes fixed.

And it's like, dude, why is it always on me?

I taught our mom how to use a smartphone. I got her into physical therapy.

I got her out of Herbalife which was actually...

I'm so sorry to interrupt, but has our time started?

We got into a huge fight last night and I just kinda wanna get into it.

My bad. This is your time.

Hit me. Okay, what was the fight about?

Well, I always have gum when he wants it but...

he never has gum when I want it.

I don't like things in my pockets and...

Never mind.

What, do you guys feel like shit now because your stuff is so trite?

- Yeah, a little bit. - Yeah.

Don't. You're paying me. So let's do this.

Come on, guys. Shake it off.

Mark, why don't you like stuff in your pockets?

I am not her purse!

My cell phone, my gum, my Invisalign case. That is not that many things.

I'm sorry. Then we also have the sunglasses, the protein bars

and the chargers.

Are you kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me?

- Hey. - I think the watercooler's broken.

Yeah? What do you think is wrong with it?

The compressor must've slipped and blocked the filter hinge.

- How the fuck would I know? - If you're having a crap day,

we're drinking at Liz's later, if you wanna join us.

Don't give me hopeful eyebrows.

I can't control them. They're dreamers.

Jimmy, please. I keep trying to find nice ways to tell you that I need space.

The ball is in my court.

You are ball-less.

Well, that's not entirely true. They're sort of what got us here.

- I just miss you. - Well, suck it.

Cowboy boots on a baby?

Is she already a stripper?

I'd know that judgmental tone anywhere.

Mac? Oh, my God. Hi.

Come here. Hey, there.

Wow. You haven't aged a day.

That's a good start.

And so skinny, you seem like you might be sick.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

So, what's it been? Twenty-five years?

Tell me everything. What have you been up to?

So many cool things.

Having kids.

Rocks.

Are you still taking pictures? You were always so good at it.

Yeah, I've actually been doing wildlife photography.

- It's not a big deal. It's, you know... - Hello.

How did us getting wine and snacks together

turn into you handing me a list and me finding everything and paying for it?

Because that's how I shop.

Then don't get mad at me if I got the wrong cheese.

- Did you get the wrong cheese? - I got the wrong cheese.

- Hey. I'm Jimmy. I'm Liz's errand boy. - Hey, I'm Mac.

- Short for Macaulay? - No.

Oh, bummer.

How do you two know each other?

- Old friends. - Sex.

Two of my favorite things.

Well, it was great to see you.

You too, Lizzie.

Don't say it. Don't say it.

Lizzie.

I told you not to say it.

I'm not being weird. I promise nothing is wrong.

Are you sure? 'Cause you can tell me anything.

The only thing I can't handle is a liar, 'cause I don't do secrets.

- I'm in my honesty era. - Hey.

Summer, is that my shirt?

I found it in a basket.

I got glitter on it. My B, pimp. I'll go change.

- Thanks, Summer. - No problem.

- Oh, my God. You hate her. - I don't hate her.

I just hate everything she says and does.

I love this for you.

I wish Gaby was here,

but thanks to Jimmy's sad and selfish penis,

she's once again not coming.

My penis is neither of those things.

It's optimistic and it always puts others first.

So, your penis is like Elmo?

Same color. Much deeper voice though.

Tickle me. Tickle me.

Stop. No, stop. Stop that.

My dick sounds like André the Giant.

Hello, lady. Anybody want a penis?

Would anyone like some wrong cheese?

I'll take some, Lizzie.

We ran into this guy who calls her Lizzie.

You... you ran into Mac?

Were you gonna tell me?

It was nothing.

What? I don't know what's going on here.

- I didn't think anything bothered Derek. - No, I'm not jealous.

I mean, I don't care about any of the people she slept with before me.

Not her college boyfriend, not Lenny Kravitz...

Really?

Well, I mean, I thought he was Lenny Kravitz

and he didn't correct me for quite some time.

There's something about this Mac guy that just gets under my skin.

Here we go.

If she asked him to run away with her, he wouldn't think twice.

Gone. Poof. Puff of smoke.

- And it's so disrespectful, right? - Yeah.

Right.

- Dude. - I'm sorry.

I'm really... Seriously, I'm sorry.

- Hey, Dad. - Oh, good. You found your wallet.

Yeah. Unfortunately, it still does not have a credit card inside of it.

Can I borrow some money for some school stuff?

What kinda school stuff?

A smash burger.

- That sounds about right. - Yeah.

- Hey. - Hi.

I'm sorry. I had to.

- You had to... - You slut!

- How could you? - Shit!

Hey, easy!

My boob!

Hey, Summer. Use your words.

You said he looked like one of the little statue boys who pee in fountains

and you fucked him anyway.

Summer, hold up.

Do not follow me!

- You okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.

Well, sad for Connor.

Happy for me.

Hey. How's the boob?

It hurts.

This is why I never fuck with redheads.

My hands are covered in glitter.

I deserved that.

I'm really such a piece of shit.

Hey. Don't go there.

I wanna start this conversation...

by letting you know that I am a sex-positive dad.

Gross. No, we're not doing that.

Thank God.

What do you think's going on?

I mean, you never really seemed that interested in Connor.

I don't wanna talk about it.

Okay.

I did kinda feel like we were starting to get to the point

where we could share anything.

Do you really believe that or are you just trying to guilt me right now?

Can it be both?

This is the part I normally storm away but I'm in pain.

Do you want me to do it for you?

- Sure. - God, Dad.

And you know, I would come home more