Taskmaster

Pooph!

Yaow! I just need to read that again.

SHE LAUGHS Oh...!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello. I'm Greg Davies.

Welcome to the penultimate episode of this series.

As we enter the crucial final stages of the competition it's still all to play for.

And when I say "it", I mean a papier-mache head

that doesn't look like anyone,

painted gold by an exhausted member of the art department.

But as my grandfather always said,

it's not about the prize it's about the competition.

He was, of course, a compulsive gambler who lost everything,

including my grandmother and access to his own children.

So who are the five comedians

willing to risk all for glory tonight?

They are Charlotte Ritchie! CHEERING APPLAUSE

Jamali Maddix!

Lee Mack!

Mike Wozniak!

And Sarah Kendall.

And now, sitting next to me, a man who I've got a secret respect for.

He's super talented and he's a devoted family man to boot.

To my left over there is Gary the cameraman.

How are you doing, Gary?

And also to my left, this idiot, this hairy tube.

He's a plum, he's a goofball, he's a lemon, he's a colossal loser.

It's little Alex Horne.

It's quiz time. GREG SIGHS DRAMATICALLY

All the questions are about Greg Davies. Yes or no answers, please.

You ready? OK. Yeah. Yeah? Excited? Sure.

Has Greg Davies ever been on Have I Got News For You?

Yes. Yes. What was that like? It was all right.

Was it? Has Greg Davies ever been on Saturday Kitchen?

Yes. Oh! What was that like? Didn't mind it, I got free food.

Oh? Better. Well, it's relevant for the final question.

Does Greg Davies applaud when the waiter gives him his food?

No. No, you don't. Nope.

You've got all three right and you've won $25

on a massive cheque.

Do you like it? It's like you go, "What's going to wind him up?"

before the show's even begun.

I genuinely thought you'd like that one. No!

No, the quiz? Did you like the quiz element? It's weird, Alex.

It's weird!

What's the Prize Task category?

Well, we've asked them to bring in the nattiest knitwear.

It's a term I'm sure we're all familiar with.

You'll judge whose knitwear is the nattiest,

give its owner your maximum of five points

and then at the end of the show one lucky winner

will take home the nattiest knitwear. All right.

Lee Mack.

I've brought this.

Natty knitwear for children. Whoa! That's horrific.

I was inspired by this. I found it online.

I was looking for a knitting pattern for kids' clothes

and I saw this and I thought yes.

That's lovely cos their faces are kept warm.

Their bodies are kept warm.

It's sewn into the skin? No, it's not sewn into the skin.

No, it's...it's glued on with superglue. Oh, right.

Is it a real thing? This is what Lee's had commissioned based on that.

So... Wow. Oh! Very unnerving.

That's a little bit more friendly. I think they look quite comfy.

Comfy, Greg, but natty?

Natty? God, that's very natty. Oh, is it? Sorry, yes.

That's harsh. Good. Well done. Natty.

I'm glad you appreciate it. Good natty start.

Yo. Yo. Mikey W. Hmm. What have you brought in?

I've... I've done some hand crafting again.

So I've made a handmade bespoke piece of Taskmaster merch.

Wow. Well, whose head is this, Greg?

Oh! Oh! Is it supposed to be me? Well, it's for anyone.

I mean, I'm thinking you know, if they make it into merch

then people can go and, you know, parade around as the Taskmaster.

If you were to wear it then, yes, you...

I mean, you could use it as a disguise.

Or you can just warm your head up. It's artisan. Mm.

Right. Jamali. Erm, honestly, I didn't know what natty meant.

Yeah. So, uh... You could've asked someone.

Yeah, I could've but you know, er, it was, it was... I was at home.

Have you got internet? No. OK.

No, no. No internet at my house. No internet, no phone.

No, no. Sorry. Sorry, Greg. We don't all live like you.

So, er, what I did, I got a jumper

and just to be sure I, I, er - whatever that is - natty into it.

He embroidered the word natty into it. Yeah. So it looks like this.

It's natty knitwear. That is the nattiest cos it says natty.

It's a literal interpretation. I like it.

That's one of my favourite jumpers that I ruined for this show.

You do not own that jumper. Yes, I do. Come on!

That? My dress sense is very diverse. I'm a very layered person.

Every weekend he's down Cornwall, hauling in his fishing nets, Jamali.

He's well known for it. Yeah!

Well, it's really nice. Thank you. Is it worth maybe three points?

I think it might do better at this stage in the game. Really?

Oh, I'll take that. Sarah. Yes.

So about, er, 15 years ago at my birthday party

a very close friend of mine said, "I know you love frogs,"

and then she gave me this jumper.

Here it is. I don't like frogs. I don't talk about frogs.

I don't even have, like, a frog anecdote.

That's gross. Yeah, it's feral.

She forgot your birthday present.

She went into her own cupboard

and she found a frog jumper at the bottom.

And she thought, "I'll have to try and like psyche her out,

"make her think she's into frogs."

I don't... Do people do that? Yeah.

55 frogs on it.

Charlotte. OK. Sometimes your extremities get cold. Yeah.

You've got to sort that out. So, it's a nose warmer.

LAUGHTER

A company based in Sheffield makes these. Wow.

They've been demonstrated by Dr Hilary Jones. He loves them.

And Christine Bleakley had a good giggle when she wore one.

If you squint it looks like a boil.

But I don't enjoy getting a...

I don't enjoy getting a cold nose. That's awful. No, who does?

This one is wool. They also come in faux fur or fleece.

OK, here's the good news. I'm not giving anyone one point.

It's good news. Hooray! That is good news.

Er, here's the slightly bad news.

You're all getting nothing.

I'm doing this to teach, er, Sarah's friend a lesson.

You can't just get some old frog jumper out the cupboard

and give it as a birthday present.

You're out of order. She doesn't like frogs and now she's only got two points.

Think.

Jamali correctly predicted he's getting three points.

Well done! That's what I asked for. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, lovely.

Appreciate it. I'm very suggestible when it comes to you, young man.

I know. Well done. Joint four points to these two clowns.

Erm, I don't like having a cold nose

and I think if I saw Charlotte out wearing that nose warmer

I'd go, "Phew! Natty."

Five points. Five points to Charlotte Ritchie. You're kidding.

There it is. CHEERING

Right. On we go. What have we got first, young man?

Ah, well. At last it's the contestants' turn to play god.

GREG GASPS

SHE LAUGHS

How are you doing? I'm good. This is cool. Oh.

That's not at all terrifying.

Little message in a bottle. Is that my...my task? Maybe.

Shall we? I love this.

Boink. Have you got your glasses?

Please can you not talk to me like I'm 96, Alex.

I haven't got my glasses, actually.

I'll be able to read it.

Oh, my God. Look how small that is.

Erm... Would you like me to read it to you? Can anyone read that?

"Make the most impressive and realistic weather."

Oh, wow. "Make the most impressive and realistic weather

"for Taskmaster Island."

"You have 30 minutes

"and your weather must last for no more than a minute.

"Your time starts now."

Well, what have we got? We've got rain.

Sun, snow.

We've got snow. Did I say snow?

I was going to maybe make it rain and...and...and wind.

Maybe snow. Snow might look better.

Rainbows.

It's not weather.

Do you have a fan?

Tornados. Hurricane. Twisters.

Whirlwind. Tidal waves.

That's not weather either.

And I might even set up a hairdryer as well

because then it can be like a blizzard.

Yeah, a blizzard!

Thank you. Do you mind if I, er, toddle off and look for some kit?

Right. Lovely. Hmm. Weather.

Sarah, do you do a lot of positive affirmation

when you're building up to making a decision?

Do I do that? Alex. Yeah.

Can you show Sarah's positive affirmation system

for once she's made a decision?

Yeah. I did isolate something.

Do you want to see it? Yes, please.

And I might even set up a hairdryer as well

because then it can be like a blizzard.

Yeah, a blizzard! LAUGHTER

See what I mean? Who are you angry with?

It's like someone inside's gone, "Not a blizzard!"

and you've gone, "Yeah! A blizzard!!"

I do undermine myself constantly and have to...

There is that sort of...

Yeah, that's actually a really chilling insight into every day...

Oh. ..of my life.

Sorry to put it on national television. Ah, no, it's fine.

Well, we're going to start with the two that look the most like weather presenters

and that's Charlotte Ritchie and, of course, Lee Mack. Here we go.

And what I might need you to do, Alex, if you don't mind is

hold this colander there.

Up there. I don't mind. So, sunny day.

Breeze in the air.

This doesn't look like a place that's going to get fog.