Web Therapy

Announcer: Previously on "Web Therapy"... - I'm not home, okay?

Let me in!

- I'm not there. - Let me in right now!

Oh, good, louder, so someone will call the police.

And my sister Shevaun doesn't know anything about it.

She wasn't there when I was there.

She was at Harvard.

She said you slept with your professor.

I want you to call Kip.

Get off the line right now and call him.

- No. - Because my poor roommate

- Mabel has died. - What?

I need this legal defense.

I need to be declared insane, because I think--

Well, I don't think, I know,

because I couldn't get a pulse,

I've killed my roommate.

And, you know, I got you Richard Pratt...

- Mm-hmm. - From Lachman Brothers,

an old associate of mine.

I think about you all the time.

Um, I love you.

I-I think I love you.

My friend Austen who has all the companies,

I told you about him.

And he sent me a list of, you know, different--

I would love to get a job in L.A.

I totally would be great in L.A.

Well, I don't think he has any-- jobs.

- In L.A.? - No.

- What's going on? - Hi, Kip.

Nothing, we haven't really been in touch for a while.

I thought it would be nice if you and I could reconnect.

You know? That's why you're calling?

- Yes, that's all. - Oh, okay.

And also just to let you know that Austen

has increased the level of security for me.

Because I--Well, it seems that Ben has created

so many people that hate you, they now hate me

and I have a stalker, it seems.

- A stalker? - Been to the house.

- Really? - I wasn't here, luckily.

Thank goodness.

I mean, we can talk about it more.

We don't need to talk about it.

All right.

Are you there alone, or--

Of course I'm alone.

Oh, thanks, Ben. Dillon...

Okay. Well, I should go.

You should go. It was nice to reconnect.

Yeah, it was great-- Great talking to you.

- Good night. - Good night, Kip.

Bye, Ben.

You know, the cavity search

was a little uncomfortable last time.

So this time, I think I've got a better plan.

I got everything you asked for for today's visit and--

- Oh, yeah, I like that. - That'll work, right?

- Yeah, it's good, I like that. - Okay. Good, good, good.

Also, I read the stuff you sent me for Fiona's book.

And, um, it's gonna be helpful.

But I-I'm wondering if you have any pictures of her

as a child, like, maybe the victim of a bullying.

Yes, she was the victim of bullying.

- Okay, good. - Well, she asked for it.

- You know, she's so-- - Right.

Jerome, what are you doing at my desk?

Oh, Dr. Wallice. I'm just taking an order

for your mother, for the hospital.

- My mother is here? - Yeah.

- She's on Skype there. - Where?

Bye, Miss Hodge.

I'll be in my office if you need me.

- Yes, go. - Hey, Fiona.

Hey, how you doing?

How's--How's it hanging, Fiona?

How's it hanging?

I'm confused.

Mother, why do you look like that?

Darling, don't be confused. I'm preparing myself

to go to the big house.

I have to acclimate myself.

I have to create some kind of look

that's going to fit in.

You don't want people beating me up

in the cement yard.

No, why do you think that you're going to the big house?

Have their been fil-- Charges filed against you?

No, but I-I am the roommate.

I was there. I would be implicated in some way.

They're liable to interrogate me.

Yeah, and she ain't no stoolie.

She's not gonna name names.

No, but there are no name-- Look, Mother.

Do not admit anything to the police, all right?

It was an accident.

She knows what she did.

Why is your sock sounding like Marlon Brando?

Mabel's taking a dirt nap.

- All right. - Don't say things like that.

Yeah, don't say things like that.

I can't help it, I'm on the edge.

You have to pull together.

I've a mind to come get you and bring you back to Boston.

No, no, don't come here and get me.

I don't want you to be exposed to the jailhouse.

Well, can I leave the puppet and just take you?

Yes. Can you do that?

Can the puppet serve time for m--

I'm--I'm only kidding, really.

But can the puppet serve time?

- No. - I'm just asking.

What is this? What is exactly this thing?

Is that a teardrop on your eye?

Well, I've offed somebody, haven't I?

I've killed somebody, and that's what comes of it.

Oh, didn't know that. How do you know that?

I'm preparing myself for the eventuality.

Hey, I gotta have a smoke.

- Things are getting tense. - Why would you want to--

- I know what you mean. - Why would you want to--

To advertise that "I killed someone,"

when it was an accident?

You didn't kill anybody.

We have to remember that.

Look, I got a teardrop too.

Okay.

Like mother, like daughter.

No, that's not your mother.

That is not-- That's not your--

Oh, yeah, she's my old lady. She's my ma.

All right, I'm not going to talk to the sock right now.

Okay, don't tell this puppet-- She doesn't have time to talk.

She's got a lot of press to deal with.

Well, don't do that.

Don't do any interviews.

And maybe wipe the-- Is that cornrows?

Yes, they want to interview the roommate.

Every time they turn around, that's all they think of

is they want the roomie, they want the roomie.

I'm kind of an icon.

And I don't have time.

I have a Twitter conference.

I'm downloading pictures of Putsy for her face page.

I've got my own face page to deal with.

- No, don't do that. - And I must say adios.

No, get off face pa--

Fiona!

Hello, Gina.

I keep sending you video messages

and you never video message me back.

I'm so busy, though.

I'm sorry, you know.

The campaign and everything.

So--But I'm glad you're doing well,

it seems, from the messages.

I got a promotion!

Oh, that's wonderful.

Dear, that phone is blinking.

Oh, that's the accident phone.

- It rings all the time. - Oh.

- They'll call back. - Oh.

Aah!

- Jake, shut the door. - Jake: I've got one more.

- Jake, shut the door, you punto. Jake: All right. .

So, how wonderful you got a promotion

for all the good work you do.

What, somewhere in Shipping, an upper clerk?

- No, it's way better than that. - Oh.

Here's what happened. Like, the head guy,

this British older guy was here on a worldwide tour

and he slipped on a fish.

Wait, my friend Austen Clark was there?

Ashton Cook or something?

He slipped and he fell and he hurt himself.

I gave him mouth-to-tongue resuscitation

- and the Heimlich maneuver. - Oh.

And so then he was like, "you're promoted."

Yes! I'm going to London

as a management trainee.

Oh.

- I mean, it's the best. - Yeah.

I'm such a success.

Well, you're welcome.

Don't think you'll like London, though.

Think you'll be happier there.

I think there are too many women in London.

You know, it's about one man

to every ten women there, so--

Yeah, but the Spice Girls are from there.

- Yes, they are. -

Shut that door!

Oh!

I am so gonna rape you! Later.

Eiffel Tower, here I come!

- Hello, Richard. - Hi, Fiona.

You're calling to badger me again about expenses?

You know, one thing is that when we do this

while I'm in the air, it's more expensive, all right?