Web Therapy

Previously on Web Therapy...

I'm... I'm married now.

Oh. Well, good for you, Richard.

I'm in a very, very healthy, happy relationship

with somebody who is sweet and nice.

I know that you and your boyfriend Austen Clarke

are having a party at MoMA next week

- for that British director, right? - Right.

The first thing I want is to see the guest list.

The second thing is an invite to the event.

Austen knows a lot of the, you know, media moguls.

So I have the briefcase.

Yes, and I would love to unburden you with it.

I don't... I'm not gonna part with the briefcase.

I think it's probably safest here, as you...

- Safer than with his... - Safe with me.

Dr. Wallice? Wh-where did you go?

Are you still there?

Did you...

- God! - What happened?

There are things here.

Oh!

Okay...

- Did you find the briefcase? - No, of course I didn't.

'Cause I thought I saw the handle... the brown handle...

Yes, it was brown.

But it wasn't a handle, okay. It moved.

Everything you pick up here... scurries afterward, all right.

There's these little things

with yellow teeth and bald tails.

I'm pretty sure they're kittens,

you know, before they get furry and cute.

- They sound like rats to me. - Well, I can't have that.

Maybe you can ask her to come and help you look for it.

Oh, yes, that's a brilliant idea.

Okay, it's been two hours. I don't know where she is.

She's disappeared.

To get in here, I had to bring

a whole stack of washcloths, okay,

and tell her those are the face cloths that Kip...

It's too long a story, but I'd throw them in,

and as she would go to collect them,

I'd move my way in, and then she just ran away.

Well, hoarders are very, very tricky.

I know, I did a little bit of research,

and I've watched every episode of that show.

Some of them actually have their toilet seats fused

to the flesh of their ass.

- You're not helping. - Sorry.

Oh, here she is. All right.

- Oh... - Hello.

Hi, Karen, I...

Fiona, I hear you moving things around in there.

All right. Why don't you come out...

No, no, I'm not going out there.

I hear you shuffling around,

I hear you moving things around,

and there... there... Fiona,

there is a place for everything, and now, there is not.

I can hear it, and... I can see it.

- What? - I can see it.

- I didn't... - The world heritage site puzzle

- and the Mona Lisa puzzle... - Okay.

...are not in perfect alignment.

Okay, well, you... Am I to fix it?

No, I'm... No, no, no, no!

I'm grateful for your visit

and for your attention and obviously for the shorts.

- Oh. - I'm very grateful,

and I feel like I've made a new friend.

- Oh. - But I'm just... you promised

- you wouldn't move anything, so... - I wasn't going to,

but I heard some movement.

I think you have kittens, hopefully,

living in here. No?

- That's... - I used to.

That's really bad news.

- Okay. - Did you scream out "Todd"?

No, I didn't.

Okay, anyway, I want to just thank you so much for that.

I'd appreciate it if you would... if you wouldn't mind

leaving as soon as you... neatly, as soon as you could.

I will. You know what, I am...

I'm going to leave, because I'm...

as the former custodian of all of Kip's possessions,

I'm so happy to see that someone else

- has taken on the role. - See? Tenderly.

- Yes. - And in fact, I think

I have a box that will keep the smell.

I think it's just over here.

That's wonderful and not at all abnormal.

- Ah! - What?

- Did it move? - Got it.

Oh, the box.

- Look, nice and neat. - Oh, wonderful, okay.

Anyway, thank you for the gifts.

- Sure. - Thank you so very much.

It's nice to meet you, and please leave.

I will, I see I've unsettled you,

and so I'll just leave the little surprise

in the briefcase, the little puzzle that Kip left,

and I'll just keep my fingers crossed

that you can figure it out

- without my help. - Did he... what?

- What? - Did... What puzzle?

Well, there's a little puzzle, a surprise mystery

in the briefcase that's...

He knows I like puzzles.

I guess he... Of course he does.

- Aw, in the briefcase? - Knew that...

It's in the briefcase, yeah.

But I'll go, and hopefully you can figure it out without...

No, no, no, no, no, I'm sure

you're gonna want to know a little bit about it.

- It's Kip's puzzle, after all. - Thank you, thank you, yes.

Oh, you're so generous.

Okay, I'll just put this right here, okay.

- Got the briefcase. - That's great.

Oh, and there you are under Kip.

- That's where you sleep? - That's where I sleep.

With Kip, he's the top, and you're the bottom.

That's wonderfully fun.

Well, there's nothing in the briefcase.

Oh, yeah. Look, there is.

Can you bring it closer? I can't see, I mean...

Here's something in Kip's handwriting.

Yeah, what does it say?

- Okay, it says... - Mm-hmm.

"Over the rainbow.

Mr. and Mr. Tomlund-Wallice forever."

Ugh.

"Cinnamon lips and honey buns."

- Oh, please. - "Sugar love, be my love..."

- Honey buns? Honey buns? - Honey buns.

- B-U-N... - B-U-N-S.

- "S," not even clever. - Honey buns.

"Sugar love."

"Be my love frosting."

Sweet.

How many are there?

There's two more.

Uh, "Celine, for u-s always." "For u-s always."

- "For u-s always." - "For us always."

- Yes, "For u-s always, Celine." - Oh, yes.

And "Toto, come home."

- That's a puzzle. - Isn't that fun,

for you to figure out?

I know, I don't know, what is it,

- like, an anagram or... - Yeah.

Anyway, it's a keeper.

- Okay, great. - Put that right here.

- Wonderful. - I'll know exactly where it is.

- It won't move. - Okay, great.

Good, all right, so that was the surprise.

- There's another surprise. - Oh.

- Letters. - Letters.

Possibly love letters between you and Kip.

Did you write love letters to each other?

Oh.

- Yes, I'm too shy. - "My darling Kip,

"you are my favorite way to spend the weekend.

Bottoms up."

Oh. Signed Fiona?

Just a big, pretty heart.

That's a "B."

"My darling Kip, just a note to tell you

"how much I love you and miss you.

"I can't wait to be with you this weekend.

"Make sure to bring your swimsuit.

Love, you know who." Oh.

Very special.

"My darling Kip, I love you so much.

"Can't wait till we can be together every day.

- Your beloved." - Yeah.

Aw! I mean, I'll save these for you.

- Thank you. - And I love the handwriting.

- Oh, thank... thank you. - It's sweet, you know,

and very, very feminine,

just like the handwriting in your diary.

- In my... in my diary? - Mm-hmm.

- You have my diary? - Yes, I do.

Found it on the dumpster dive in Philly.

It was all shredded, and...

but I put it...

Oh, you've got shredded documents.

- I've got it right over here... - That you're calling...

- ...in a safe place. - Wonderful, well, I'm...

I don't... how... that you even know it's a diary, that's...

It's the same handwriting as the letters?

Yes, and you know I love puzzles.

- Oh, that's right. - Look, you can see...

- I... yeah. - ...that these are taped...

- ...shreds. - Wow.

That's how much care I take of your things.

- It's so impressive. - So please don't move.

- Thank you. - Okay.

Yes, it's beautiful, and... and...

and beautiful... it makes me happy to be your friend.

Me too, I'd be honored to hear you say my words.

- "I feel like I'm Kip's Maria." - Aw.