Taskmaster

Ah!

Nngh. Spch!

Ooh! DING

Is this a joke?

Yeah!

Mm.

Oh!

Oh, I like that.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Taskmaster.

I'm Greg Davies, or as I'm known in Spain,

the snake-hipped matador of authority, El Maestro de tareas.

When I asked our new contestants why they would want to put themselves

through the gruelling challenges of this show, the consensus was

they wanted to show a different side of their personalities.

Now, just two episodes in, they're all screaming, "Not that side!

"I've kept that side hidden!

"Why do you want to show that side?"

Let's see if we can calm them down.

They are Alan Davies!

Desiree Burch!

Guz Khan!

Morgana Robinson!

And Victoria Coren Mitchell!

And next to me, a man who walks like

a weird Victorian clockwork toy soldier.

It's...

..little Alex Horne!

I've got my, uh, latest invention with me. OK.

It's a prototype.

It's called an Alex, and you can ask it anything,

Anything at all, and it will answer it.

You can just say, "Alex, what's the weather going to be like tomorrow?"

Tomorrow, the weather in UK will be fresh. Fresh. There we go.

So any question, it will answer it.

Can I ask it who Greg Davies is?

Yeah, by all means.

Alex, who is Greg Davies?

Greg Davies was born in Wales in the 1960s.

Very old. Very old.

That's the end of it, is it?

That's all it could find out.

Right. On we go.

What's the prize task category, Alex?

Today, you asked them to bring in

the most old-fashioned thing that you still use.

I'd bring in my stirrups, or my petticoat.

As always, there are five points available for the best item

brought in, and the winner of the episode will take home all five

old-fashioned things and have the makings of their very own museum.

Stirrups or petticoat, is it? Well, yeah.

It's something I would still use, so yeah.

It's just amazing that stuff's... pre-written.

Morgana.

I've brought in me nana's whizzer. OK!

Yes, it's not a euphemism. Here it is.

They don't make them like they used to.

It's, it's built like a brick shithouse. Is it?

I use it at least once a week

and I think of my nana every time I whizz up a bit of aquafaba.

Right.

In order for this not to come last...

Oh, no!

..you're going to need to turn up the emotional knob quite a lot.

So are you very close to her?

She's in Australia. No, then.

Well, emotionally, yes.

But geographically, no.

So... OK. Last place.

Who's next? Alan.

I've brought in a VCR and a VHS cassette.

Yes. Ooh!

Yes. The player and the cassette.

And Jonathan Creek? A happy time?

Yeah, happy time, happy memories. That's how I once looked.

I always had that expression on my face throughout the '90s.

You are largely going with that face now.

I like that, Alan,

and it, it speaks to me as a man of a certain vintage.

Desiree, what have you brought in?

Well, I have brought in, uh, my chaise longue.

But now that I've moved to the UK,

I've come to understand that there are various names,

so I think this might actually be a fainting couch.

that's nice. That is nice.

Yeah, I want to say it's from the 1920s-ish.

At least that's what they told me

when they charged me several hundred pounds for it.

And, you know, it's the kind of thing I can come home,

unwind, just relax and think about how fabulous my life was that day

and how even more fabulous it will be the next day.

Yeah, it's lovely. It's a lovely item

and before it goes to its owner, or back to you,

I hope I get to have a little drape on it.

I hope so too. I would like to personally see that

and keep that in the old memory file.

Whenever you want.

Right, I've been a bit thrown by a good prize, Guz,

so, uh, help us out.

I believe the key issue that we all face in 2021

is the social media.

All the time, we're being bombarded with shit

and opinions that be messing up your psyche and your emotional state,

so I like to detox from what they call the smartphone,

which I think is ruining the world, by using an old-school phone.

Ooh. Yes!

That is a lovely, lovely bit of kit.

Thank you, bro. And I've had that

since the day it came out of the box new, so there's

an emotional attachment to it. Has it got Snake on it?

It's got Snake 2 on it, bro, which is even better than the original.

Snake 2, This Time It's Personal?

Um, it's a, it's a genuinely good prize.

Victoria, what have you brought in?

Tippex.

Vintage.

Because I'm absolutely with Guz about the internet.

One of the other things that's wrong with it

is some kind of mistake stays there forever.

You do something stupid as a teenager, it's there forever. Yeah.

In my world, you type things on paper.

Don't like it? Bit of Tippex over the top, it's gone.

Well, look, I'm, I'm passing judgment.

Before I do, Victoria, are there any prizes here

that you think are worse than Tippex?

Well...

I mean, the thing is, I have all the other things,

apart from the chaise longue, which I covet.

So I've already decided that Tippex is better than,

than three of the things.

So you think I should put you at the number two slot?

Yeah. OK.

Well, should I, should I put four points to Victoria?

No. Let me have a little think.

No, I'll tell you what. Let's give Victoria one point.

One point. For bringing some Tippex in.

Oh, God, Morgana.

Don't! Look, don't.

OK. So is that two points to Morgana?

Yeah, I'm sorry. OK.

Um, three points to Alan.

Oh. Three points for the VCR.

Now, here's the controversy. Guz versus Desiree.

A lovely chaise longue versus some rubbish old phone.

But let me explain my thinking.

I just... I despise social media

and I love that Guz is just taking time out,

and I think it's a really positive message for the kids, I really do.

Yeah. But I am going to put you second.

OK, so five points to Desiree Burch. All right!

Right. Let's see a task proper.

Copy that. And copy me.

Hey. Hi, Desiree.

Hello. Hello, Victoria.

Hello. It's really tight in this church.

You, you look a bit wedged.

It's a very good word.

Copy Alex.

Alex will demonstrate his actions twice.

Then you will have one attempt to copy Alex.

Closest copy wins!

I like this one.

Are you wearing your earpiece, Morgana?

Are you wearing your earpiece, Morgana?

I haven't started the actions yet. Oh, I'm so sorry.

You can watch me. Right. You can make notes.

Oh... Oh, OK.

Let's go.

One, two, three, four,

two, two, three, four,

start.

Nine.

Oh!

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Five. That's bad in the church. That's sacrilegious.

Four.

Three.

Two. GONG

One.

Stop.

Whoa.

It's very religious at the end.

Ooh, there's so much to remember, I've forgotten everything. OK.

How you feeling, Alan?

Oh, uh, very confident.

Very confident.

Could easily have been replaced by, "What does it matter?"

Mm. Just to copy you, haven't they?

Yes. So I should say, I did it twice and they watched me.

When they were doing it, I wasn't doing it.

So it was remembering as well as copying.

And they were allowed to write things down?

We gave them a piece of paper with the word Taskmaster on the side.

Yeah. And then they had one go to do it. Sweet.

Do they got rhythm?

Let's find out as we begin with Morgana, Guz,

and Greg Davies's brother, Alan Davies.

Er, whenever you're ready, you can say, "Let's go."

OK, let's go. Let's go. Let's go.