The Adam Ray Show

Gorgeous. Just like St. Louis.

Right?

Do you have those moments at home when you look out the window in St. Louis

and see… What do you see, like a Panera?

I see a park. I'm trying to save this fly.

Wow, that's a great way to gauge someone's humanity.

- Oh, yeah. - Like, that small of a thing.

'Cause I killed a spider today.

No! Adam, why?

It looked like it was gonna kill my family.

It isn't. How big was it?

Pretty big.

- Then it's-- - I'll send you, like…

I'll send you the Ring camera footage of me…

- Yeah, it's gonna-- Really? - Don't kill. Don't ever…

I understand they're scary, and I don't like insects. This doesn't bother me. But…

That I wouldn't… You're a bad person if you'd take that out.

Or a centipede or something.

I mean, this is just annoying, so I could see how someone would easily kill that.

But when I get grossed out by stuff in the shower,

I just… I name him, and then he's my pet, and then I'm not scared of him anymore.

And it's someone… It's like, I just name them.

Where do you get your weed from?

No, that's actually adorable.

Insects too. And insects can feel pain. They just proved it recently.

And so this whole idea of like, "Oh, we don't have to eat meat.

We can harvest insects and use their protein."

Like, they feel pain too.

"Well, I was talking about that in my book."

- Wait, who's that? Hold on. - RFK.

RF… Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Doesn't he talk about that?

I only want you to do it 'cause I think it would mess up…

- It would give you-- - It's even deeper than that. No.

- That's actually per-- - And it's more, like, phlegm, and…

Hello, Lauren? Yeah.

That's fucking really kind of--

- You're right. I am doing it a little-- - You need more mucus.

- That's it. - It's more like Krang from Ninja Turtles .

- I don't know that. - Were you a Ninja Turtles girl?

Yeah. I mean, I had the pizza thrower.

- Let's go. - Like, because my--

I was best friends with my, like, you know, cousin,

and he had all that stuff, and so I wanted to be cool in his eyes.

You talked about… in your special, streaming now on Hulu.

- Heard of it? I haven't. - Where's our Hulu cam?

- It's on Netflix, right? - Good girl.

Did you… Yeah. Did you also write this song again?

- I did. Yeah. - Man.

I just… I don't know.

I think that if I would have been steered in a different direction in high school,

- I would've been a songwriter and singer. - You did musical theater, right?

I did but I didn't like to dance.

I got told at an early age I was a horrible dancer.

- So I just refused to audition. - Which is a wild thing.

At what age were you told?

- Fifth grade. I remember by my mom. - Sixth?

- Wow, fam? I guess that's better. - Yeah. They were like, "What the hell?"

- "You can't do that." - Those aren't moves.

Yeah. And I just was like, "Okay, I shall never do this again."

And so to be in musical theater, you had to dance, so I never auditioned.

And so I didn't do it, but I always liked singing.

And then I had a voice teacher because I was in a cappella and stuff like that.

I was taking voice lessons on the side,

and my voice teacher took my mom aside one day and told her,

"Nikki doesn't have it. This is a waste of your money."

And come to find out that maybe my mom

just didn't want to pay $50 every week for lessons.

And she made me think I didn't have it. Put that on Sheila Dugan.

Sheila… I was gonna ask for a name shout-out.

- You know I remember Sheila Dugan. - I love a good…

Are you big on full name shout-outs?

Yeah. Oh, my God.

And whenever you try in a special or something

to pick a different name,

it doesn't work as well as the name it actually is.

- You need to be connected to it. - Yes.

And especially the first name. Sheila's such a good comedy, jokey name.

People are like, "that's the name she chose to make this bit better."

But it's usually perfect. I… We can play this game at home.

But the most popular girl in high school sounds like the most popular girl.

- It sounds like it was written for-- - Here we go.

- Here we go. - Okay, go.

I got a handful for you, but the first one that came to my head,

and you're gonna think this is a fucking fake name. Ready?

- I know. - Blaise Wadham.

I mean, like…

- Blaise, where are you? Fucking-- - Wait, that's a girl's name?

- Yes. - Blaise Wadham?

Blaise Wadham.

- Watch those Wadhams. - Comedy in high school was that like…

- No, I-- - Was Euphoria ? No.

No, like, I wasn't doing comedy in high school.

I was funny with my group of friends, who are the funniest people to this day.

I know every comedian says this about their group of high school friends.

But it's not always true. I believe it when you're saying it.

I lucked out. They're still my best friends to this day.

- Wow. - Still the naturally funniest people.

So many times in girls' chat, I'm like, "Can I use that?"

And they're like, "I'm a Pilates instructor."

- What am I gonna do with it? - Are you thinking of running bits?

I'm like, "I'll Venmo you." They're like, "You don't need to."

But they constantly… Like, I am totally an amalgamation of my idols.

- And all of my friends. - I love that.

And, you know, that is why I am who I am. I think I was…

You know, I'm original, obviously, in the way I think and everything,

but I think that I was just really good at absorbing what was funniest

and, like, also desperate to be liked, and, like, admired,

and, you know, just to be popular,

so I would just kind of want to mimic anyone who was getting attention.

I've told this story before, and I'm so sorry for the girl it's about,

but there was a girl in our school that was really popular,

and she had a slightly lazy eye that just kind of… I used to do it.

It was just a little bit like…

By the way, that says talent that should be on the resume.

Wait, I can cross one eye. But it was just a little bit off,

and I naturally just started having a lazy eye because I…

Not even intentionally. Like, I just became what I wanted…

Because she was getting attention, not for the lazy eye, by the way.

It was everything else, but that was the thing I decided to hone in on.

"If I have that, I'll be popular."

The lazy eye is what Brad Williams will start to pick up

if he does start to grow because he'll be like, "I need a new…"

"I need a new something. What's my new angle?"

We were talking about that recently. Shout out to Brad Williams.

- Shout out to Brad Williams. - Great dude, great comedian, 4' 4".

And we joked about it. He goes, "If something happens…"

If he did, like, start to grow later in life, what he would do.

- Do you think about? - Oh, interesting. Yeah, 'cause he'd have…

Like, he has made his whole life

off of being something that people recognize right away.

- And he has to almost beat them to it. - Totally.

And take the attention off of that

onto something else and be so funny. Yeah, I relate to that.

Had you met a dwarf before you met Brad? Like, St. Louis…

No, I don't think I had.

And you know, it was… It's the kind of thing where you think…

I remember working with a comedian, Josh Blue, who has cerebral palsy.

I remember knowing of him

before working with him at the Atlanta Georgia Funny Farm,

and out in Alpharetta or something,

and I remember before the weekend thinking, like,

"I'm never not gonna notice that he's this because it's very obvious."

And it's like, am I gonna be awkward around it, or is it gonna distract me?

- Or am I gonna have pity all weekend? - Yeah.

Because he seems to be struggling talking and moving.

- And then he's so funny and so, just… - Disarming.

- You forget. You literally don't see it. - Yeah.

And then when people around you react, you're like, "What are you looking at?"

Like, you forget.

And I love that about physical disabilities

or anything that, if you are funny enough and charismatic enough,

people literally stop seeing it, and I…

I've told this a million times, but I went to college and I was anorexic,

and I literally looked insane.

Like, I should not have been allowed to go.

I had no friends because, you know, no one… everyone was worried about me.

I looked like a walking corpse.

- It was horrible. - Cut to a clip.

- We don't have it. I'm sorry. - Please.

Just cut to Holocaust footage.

- We do have that. - Literally that.

- We do have tons of that. - Literally that. Like, it was so bad.

And everywhere I went, I could hear people whispering and talking,

and I wasn't making any friends. It was my freshman year, I was alone.

And then that is… That's always what I say when people go,

"When did you become a comedian?" I was always funny with friends,

but I was quiet and shy in high school.

But then in college, I had to, like, amp it up to get friends.

And then I made so many friends because I was outspoken and funny

and took the focus off of what I looked like

that my friends, I remember, came back to me later on and were like,

"It's so crazy because we all saw what everyone else saw when we first met you,

but we forgot, and people would come to us and say, 'We're worried about Nikki.'

'The way she looks.'" They'd be like, "What?"

And they literally, I made them forget about it.

- That's the power of being funny. - Wow. Superpower.

And that's… I mean, what are you covering up for?

Well, yeah, I mean, I would get teased being a fat kid all the time.

And then would… then once I started making people laugh, everybody was like,

"Oh, he's the funny kid, not the fat kid." So it just changed the way they saw me.

Yeah.

- Do you love being an aunt? - Yes.

Your jokes in your special were so funny about it 'cause that's…

Once my sister started having kids, that was like such an awesome…

just bag of material to, like, play.

And I can see from stuff you posted, that, like, you're all about it.

I'm all about it, but, like, you know, I'm not there that often.

Totally. And so it's nice. I used to say it's great being an uncle.

I come in for a few hours, fill them up on sugar, drop them off at 8 p.m.,

tell them how cool the Goo Goo Dolls were. And then I'm like, "See you in 6 weeks."

- And then to, like, run it back. - Yes.

And then it's like, all… And then they go inside and they're judging the parents

off of 4 hours you had, and they're like, "Why can't you be like that?"

- I know. - Like, "We're around you all the time."

- And yeah. - Yeah, it's great.

And it's… You know, I always thought that if my sister had kids,

I would suddenly feel the urge to do it, and I don't.

I see how much work it is. She has 3 kids under 9 or whatever.

- Jeez. - And it's… It's mayhem.