Bad Boy (ילד רע)

Do you not understand that if he dies, it's also the end of your life?

Or are you just a moron who was born to break my heart completely, huh?

Sunny. Listen well, Sunny.

You gotta wake up now, do you hear me?

You fucked up my son's life enough. Now be a man and get up.

Why'd they put Zorro in B block?

Just move away.

Then what do you want?

For me to change everything for the two weeks you're gonna be in here?

It's not two weeks. It looks like life.

Ah! Get off me, you homo!

I got you a letter from your mum.

You said you don't have any children.

You don't know that there isn't such a thing as a good mother.

-That's enough. -If a kid's born fucked up, he remains so.

I had a girl.

She fell ill and died. Be grateful your child's alive.

-Does it ever go away? - What?

-Sunny's blood in my brain. -Never.

So then he tells her, "Even in my sweetest dreams,

I can't dream that I'm dreaming about what comes out of your boobs, Officer Lizzie".

Boom.

-Was that better? -Much better. You need to feel the flow.

Okay.

So tell me, have you said anything to your girlfriend?

No, I don't see why.

Just tell the truth.

You better set things straight now. Things will only get complicated.

You've been talking for half a year. You're slow.

-Are you trying to upset me? -No, God forbid. I'm just saying.

Perhaps, at some point, you could tell your friends that you're building...

-That you're gonna be a comedian. -No way!

They'd eat me alive if they knew I was doing this.

-Maybe, maybe not. -Anyway, Zorro knows.

And your mum? Does she know you're about to star at parents' night?

Welcome to the young failures night at Ofek prison.

Shall I tell you how I ended up in this prison?

Yeah!

I'm actually in the mood to tell you some real stories.

A lot of people have asked me about the next one.

I've told it in many places and been asked if it's true.

So today, I'll tell you the real story.

- - I was doing drugs.

I was already a marginalised kid. They didn't know what to do with me.

It was a very strange time.

I went shopping at the Ayalon Mall...

...and there was a business-card machine.

You remember those?

We used to have business cards.

These days, if anyone left you a business card,

you'd think they were a pervert.

"This is my business card, I'm, uh..."

So I also made a business card using that machine.

I wrote, "Dean, drug dealer."

Just kidding.

It was a joke, it was a joke. So bongs, and MDMA, and acid...

Yep, I really was a dealer, but that was a joke.

I used to distribute the card to all sorts.

I had about 200, and I gave them out to all the kids.

Then this undercover policewoman came along.

And she caught so many of these kids, there were loads of them,

and all the kids from north Tel Aviv ratted each other out.

There were about 200 of them, and you know what every one of them had?

My business card.

You know the rest the story, about my mum putting me into prison.

But the best part was I became a dealer in prison as well.

Only this time, it was for a higher purpose. Right, Mansuri?

- You better not tell. - Why? Are you embarrassed?

Love drives everyone crazy.

LIZZIE SWEETHEART

LIZZIE (SWEETHEART)

MANSURI

Mansuri, tell us what happened?

Lizzie broke my heart. Kapara, she broke my heart.

What happened, Mansuri?

Lizzie. God bless you, Lizzie. You haunt me in my dreams.

I dreamt you were putting your breasts in my mouth.

What came out was a heavenly drink. Heaven.

But Mansuri, as you can see, didn't give up.

Let's do it.

I'll crumble it into her tea, and she'll love me.

Dean, Zorro, just say yes.

So he went up to Officer Lizzie, saying,

"It's sweet tea, just the way you like, Officer Lizzie."

Lizzie knew that boy had a problem with liquids.

She initially looked at Mansuri suspiciously.

And then a little less suspiciously, as he's so hot.

And then less suspiciously.

And she drank it.

Yeah, but...

unfortunately, the pill got the love mixed up.

THE END

But there's more to prison than love stories.

There's also love and courage.

For instance, I stopped smoking in prison, all thanks to my mum.

Believe me, guilt is what makes the world go round.

My mother, she's the reason I'm here.

That's right, she called the police. Told them I was a thief and a drug dealer.

Two weeks later, she sends me a load of smokes for her guilty conscience, yeah?

So I ended up smoking more cigarettes than my mum was able to send.

Zorro, who I swear should be called Rabbi Zorrovsky, because...

because he's such an excellent Jewish tradesman.

So he says, "Why don't we sell one cigarette?"

That's what we did, and then another.

And then a packet.

Within a month, we became so rich, we were counting money all day

and didn't even have time to smoke.

- You told him Sunny's coming in? - No. I'm trying to assign him.

Do something. Sunny's dangerous. He'll kill him.

So, if anyone wants to give up smoking, just become a millionaire.

Okay, okay. I promise.

I'm begging you.

Also, tell him he was amazing.

I'll tell him whatever you want me to say.

So the rabbi said, "If I forget thee, Jerusalem..." and all that,

and then the groom broke the glass.

But then, instead of giving the bride a kiss, he went and kissed his mum.

- No way! -I swear to you!

But the first slow dance was more awkward. I'll spare you the details.

Well, maybe that's how they do it in other continents.

Well, Dana, I have to practise.

Okay. Have you got a game this week?

In Beersheba.

Ah.

Can I finally come along and see?

No, no. It's just crap.

Really, it's humiliating. I'll spare you the torture.

I don't get it. Do you guys lose every week?

My mum's looking for a new coach in Brazil.

Then you won't recognise the team.

I wouldn't recognise it right now.

Nice comeback.

That's not what it is.

Just, you know...

Don't you...

don't you wanna see how I look?

-I know how you look. -Really? How?

-Beautiful. -A matter of taste, I'm sure.

I don't think so. I'm ugly whatever your taste.

I know how you look.

- How? -Just like you said.

-Ugly. -Yeah, but that's fine.

A man should be just a little bit more attractive than an ape.

Okay. Dana, I, uh, gotta go. Tomorrow at four?

Only if you send me a picture.

- - Picture?

We haven't met, and you're giving me an ultimatum?

That's right.

Okay, bye.

So there's this... this dating phone hotline called Cupid,

where you go on and get to know girls.

They put them on at five or six in the evening.

You get these girls with a voice, like...

"Hello. Shalom."

"Who are you, sweetie?"

"I'm Aliza."

"Where are you from, darling?"

"Me? Why don't you tell me first?"

Everyone on there's an inmate.

Slowly turning into a chatroom.

You get these conference calls with the entire prison. "Hello?" It's Arabs.

" Hey, sujin? Hey, sujin?"

Sujin means prison in Arabic.

"Hey, sujin?" "Hadarim."

"Can you call someone?"

You see, you get the idea.

So everyone ended up with girlfriends. Every prisoner had one.

It's funny, people outside find it difficult getting a girlfriend,

but every prisoner's got about three.

It dawned on me what women want. They want to know where you are.

And for you to be their whole life, right?

"You're my life, my soul."

"Did you give my mum the smokes?"

What have you got to talk about?

Don't know, but she never shuts up.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Maybe I'll ask Chelli to sort me out a camera.

And what if she does?

What would you do with it?

Find a corner that looks good, take a photo for her bat mitzvah.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

My clothes are shit, my haircut's shit, and I'm shit. What can I do?

-Just tell her the truth. -Yeah, right.

"And if it were true even,

and the boy is not a virgin..."

It's in... Deuteronomy.

Twenty-two, don't know what verse.