Ghosts

What about this guy?

Mm, I don't know, he looks a little old.

Aren't you like 200? I am 175. How dare you?

- What's going on? Trevor helped Hetty set up

an online dating profile to secure a companion

for St. Patrick's Day, when, if precedent holds,

she shall be visible to Livings.

And I would like to spend that time bewitching

and ultimately frustrating a male suitor.

So, these are all your matches?

Kind of slim pickings.

Well, we are limited by the fact that Hetty's profile picture

is an oil painting.

And she has some pretty strict conditions.

"Seeking upper-class gentleman

"for one day of civilized conversation.

Location not negotiable."

Yeah, I see how that could be limiting.

Ooh, it's after midnight. Am I visible?

You're always visible to us. Right. Hmm.

I have an idea. Jay. Jay?

- Jay! - (shouts) Oh, yes!

- What the hell? - Oh, it's fine.

You've just seen a ghost. Go back to bed.

You guys are never gonna guess who's on the reservation list

for tonight at Mahesh. Cindy Cole.

The highly regarded event planner?

She was on the cover of

the November issue of Hudson Living.

Oh, that name is so offensive to the dead community.

Why not just Hudson People?

- Babe, this is huge. - Uh, yeah.

If she likes the restaurant, it opens us up to

a whole bunch of new business.

We're talking wedding ceremonies, corporate events.

Sounds like we really got to be on our A game tonight.

I'm gonna take a quick nap before dinner service.

How do you feel about Life magazine?

Uh... I don't love it.

Hey, I'm a little bit worried about Bela.

Have you noticed that she's been sleeping a lot lately?

- Yeah, that is concerning. - (door opens)

Ever since her and Eric broke up, she seems okay,

- but the napping, it's weird. - (door closes)

Hey, uh, sorry I'm late. Hey, Kyle.

Wait, what is Kyle doing here?

Okay, I didn't want to tell you guys because I know

you get upset, but I have to go out of town again

- for my friend's baby shower. And Kyle's gonna

- ghost-sit us while you're gone? - Oh, hell yes!

Kyle! Kyle! - ALBERTA and ISAAC: Kyle!

: Kyle! Ky...

How are the ghosts taking it?

Pretty well.

I think just sometimes, somebody different...

You don't have to make it better.

I let them stay up late to watch TV. Just stop.

ALL (chanting): Kyle! Kyle! Kyle!

And here we have an amuse-bouche,

courtesy of Chef Jay.

Oh, well, wasn't that thoughtful?

Got it. Tommy Frangakis, party of four.

We'll see you on Friday.

Hey. Looks like it's going well, right?

The, uh, event planner lady

seems to be enjoying herself.

Jay, relax, she's having a great time.

Jeff is on it. - Who's Jeff? - New server,

poached from a nearby fine dining establishment.

He's the best in the business.

Hetty Woodstone, party of two. What are you doing?

Oh, that's right. It's St. Patrick's Day.

This is wild. Great 'fit, Hetty. Why, thank you.

Has my date arrived yet?

You're the first from your party to arrive.

Okay, no.

You are not going on a date at my restaurant

on the same night that the Cindy Cole is here.

What if someone walks through you or something?

People will freak out.

Jay, I am visible for one day only.

Now, you can either let me have my rightful seat

or I will go and stick my hand

through Cindy Cole's head.

Okay, fine, put her at table nine.

Good for you, Hetty. Hey, so, uh,

weird question: Do you have any smelt? The fish?

Thor wanted to smell smelt

so that he could say he "smelt smelt."

And then I laughed, and he said "No, I'm serious,"

so now, here I am. You're so funny, Kyle.

I don't think we have any smelt, but you could check the walk-in.

- Uh, great, thank you. - (door opens)

So, everything seems under control

with dinner service, so I might just head back

to the house and take a quick 20-minute power nap.

Well, you know, Bela, um, hmm, I was just thinking.

You're single, and Kyle is single.

Okay, this is interesting.

And you know it's hard for him to date

because women find his whole "seeing ghosts thing" weird.

If Kyle marries Bela,

he might move in, and we'd have a backup butler.

Okay, truth is, I'm sort of seeing someone.

You are? Why didn't you tell me?

It's Sasappis. Aw, come on. Sass?

I mean, we hooked up in my dream that one time

and we thought that was gonna be it,

but then things evolved.

That's why she's napping all the time.

Honestly, I am relieved.

I thought she'd come down with febricula.

I was gonna send Samantha out for leeches.

This is insane. Where is this possibly going?

I don't know. We haven't really talked about that.

Look, I gotta go.

I'm supposed to meet him in Paris in 15 minutes.

You can control where you dream?

I'm getting really good at it. I read an article.

Okay, just checking in,

seeing how everyone's enjoying everything.

Oh, well, we're liking the pakoras,

but we're loving the Jeff. Stop, please.

Right after you call my mother and repeat every word.

Oh, he truly is the best.

Well, let me know if you need anything else.

Oh, with Jeff in our corner, we haven't a care in the world.

Oh, poor Hetty.

It appears her suitor has still not arrived.

- (sighs) Hello, ma'am.

I noticed you're still waiting for the rest of your party.

Did you? Did you notice that, Jeffrey?

I'm sorry, I was just wondering

if you wanted to order something while you wait.

An appetizer, maybe.

Oh, you think I'll be waiting here a while,

so you might as well run up the tab on the stood-up lady?

I was gonna tip you a nickel. No longer.

I really didn't mean to touch a nerve.

And now I'm hysterical.

Well, you might as well just

ship me off to Michigan, Jeffrey.

And who made you a relationship expert, anyway?

I don't see a ring on that finger.

Well, that's because...

my husband left me last week... for the dog walker.

Oh, I... I-I didn't know. I can't do this.

I knew it was too soon to come back to work.

I'm sorry, Jay. I have to go.

That's a mean lady.

Hetty.

What the hell, Hetty?

Jeff was by far our best waiter, and Cindy was loving him.

I do not understand what the big problem is.

Don't you have some other urchin that can just fill in?

It's not that easy, Hetty.

Jeff's not some high school kid.

He's a career waiter.

Please, a monkey could do that job.

Quite literally.

We once had a capuchin serve cocktails at a garden party.

You only think it seems easy

because you never had an actual job.

What's going on? We heard Jeff quit.

We're down to one server. Brian was a no-show.

Where's Bela? Could she hop in?

I... guess I could go get her,

but she's kind of taking care of some business back at the house.

Pretty generous way to describe a sex nap, Jay.

Who's that lady standing at Cindy Cole's table?

Hello. My name is Hetty.

Jeffrey wasn't feeling well,

so I shall be filling in for the evening.

- What the hell is she doing? Oh, no.

What happened to him? He got consumption.

It happens. Look at this schlemiel,

powerless to turn on the TV,

just waiting for "The Finger" to arrive.

I've asked you multiple times not to call yourself that.

And I'm just waiting for Bela to fall asleep.

Why? Because we're sort of dating.

Yeah, we had plans to hang out in her dream,

but she had an afternoon coffee,

and now she's just tossing and turning.

You dirty dog. How's it going? Uh, honestly?

I know it's crazy,

because we're on different planes of existence,

but I'm really into her. Who am I to judge crazy?

I hooked up with a Puritan

in a Hebrew and butter churning fit of lust.

We're all on our own journeys.

Yeah. It's only been a couple weeks.

Um, do you think it's too soon to ask Bela to be my girlfriend?

What? Yes. You always come on way too strong.

And then they ditch you.

Or leave you for roast beef.

It wasn't just roast beef.

It was also the call of the open road.

But your point is taken. I hear you.

Trust me, the less interested you seem in her,