Ghosts

Good day, sir.

I'm a weary traveler. Do you, perchance,

have an extra bed or sofa where I could rest?

Alas, I do not.

But you're welcome to this hard pallet of pine wood.

Not to be discourteous, but I don't think that's pine.

I'm pretty sure it is.

Whatever, I'll take it.

Thank you. (chuckles)

Ooh. I am parched.

Do you have any water?

Oh, as a matter of fact, I do.

I just fetched some from yonder stream.

Right.

So, is this the same stream

I saw villagers using as a commode?

The very same.

But don't worry.

The village is many paces upstream,

and as the water tumbles down toward my dwelling,

it cleans itself. That's science.

Works for me.

Hey, what's this I hear about cholera going around?

Alas, it has felled many of my neighbors.

If only we could figure out how it spreads,

maybe we could stop it.

If only.

That hits the spot.

Sam, Jay, thanks for hopping on.

No problem, Mayor Tad.

-How's the vacation? -Huh?

No, no, not a vacation.

A working trip for the people of Ulster County.

This man is deeply corrupt.

Good for him.

Thor miss the salty brine of the ocean.

Can almost smell it from here.

Pretty sure that's just the wolf urine.

I wanted to thank you two again

for helping to get my mayorship back,

and to let you know I have sold

my controlling interest in Woodstone B and B.

-What? -Can he do that?

You sold your stake in our business?

To who?

Ooh, was it someone famous?

"Chateau Chalamet" has a nice ring to it.

Get ahold of yourself, woman.

He's so small, it drives me crazy.

It's a company called Ever Creek Water.

The evil conglomerate

that won't pick up our empty water bottles?

Oh, so you know them. Great. Yeah.

They just made me an obscene offer.

Well, what does this mean

for us?

What do they want with Woodstone?

Fair question, so...

-(phone chimes) -I've texted you a number.

They will answer any questions that you have.

Hope it works out. Thanks again

for everything. I said I wanted that flaming.

I gotta go.

Great, so this huge corporation that we hate

now owns a majority of our home and business?

Should we call the number?

I guess.

Thank you for calling Ever Creek.

If you're calling about new service, press one.

If you're an existing customer, press two.

If you've received notification about

a hostile takeover of your business, press three.

Oh, three. Press three.

That's you.

Who's ready to watch

some-- oh, look.

The bunker ghosts are here, sitting on the couch

-again. -Hey, Hetty.

You guys have been here for like five hours.

Yeah, I mean, I was happy to free you all

from your afterlife of eternal servitude to Bruce,

but you're kind of bogarting the TV, man.

Don't you have any

bunker commitments you got to get back for?

-Not really. Ever since

the cult disbanded,

there's kind of no schedule down there.

It was oppressive but structured.

Yeah.

All you hear about with cults is the brainwashing

and the weird sex stuff. People don't talk enough

about the upsides of a predictable calendar.

Well, can we at least put on Bodices and Barons?

I believe a new episode just dropped,

as they say.

Trevor, do your finger thing.

-(clears throat) -Actually, we're kind of

in the middle of a Houdini documentary.

As you know,

I do magic, and we were here first, so...

You were here first?

You were here first?

Yeah.

I built this house.

Well, technically a group of Irish day laborers

built the house,

along with a plucky group of orphans.

She's hard to root for but we love her.

I know you bunker ghosts

were just unearthed,

so let me explain how things work on this property.

The basement ghosts

stick to the basement. The shed ghosts stick to the shed.

And the upstairs ghosts, well, this

is our domain.

Okay, but this documentary's really interesting.

Did you know Houdini died from a punch to the stomach?

Don't give me any ideas.

Okay.

Please continue to hold.

We hope you're having a refreshing day.

Representative!

Representative! We need a representative.

That's what we said. To King George. (laughs)

That's called political humor.

They call this customer service?

When I was a travel agent,

I was available for my clients 24/7.

I can't tell you how many times I had to pick up a suitcase

in the middle of the night and drive it out

to some guy on the docks.

Babe, do you think that might have been mob stuff?

What? No.

Yeah, probably.

Thank you for holding, how can I quench your thirst

for information?

Elegant how they pull water theme

through entire customer service experience.

Yeah, um,

we just found out that our property,

Woodstone Mansion, was recently sold

to Ever Creek, and we were hoping

for some information about what that means.

Of course.

I have that information on tap.

Give me just a quick sec.

I'm scared, babe.

What if they don't want us to run Woodstone anymore?

It's gonna be okay, Jay.

I hope.

Okay, I've pulled up your file.

So, it looks like nothing's gonna change...

...for 48 hours, at which point

your home will be demolished

and construction on an Ever Creek data center

-will commence. -Wait, what?

Is there anything else I can help you with?

Yeah, can you not demolish our house?

I know, that would be great, right?

Let me put you on a brief hold while I look into that.

No, wait!

Water theme continue.

This is indeed a problem, dear neighbors.

A data center? On this property?

I guess it's a whole thing.

They like to set up shop in rural areas

next to water sources.

Betrayed by the magical creek.

I don't understand.

What does Ever Creek have to do with a data center?

I thought they were a water company?

I guess there's been a bunch of mergers.

Now, they're also in telecommunications,

sports betting, weapons manufacturing.

They also have big presence in beef.

Interesting fact.

I saw something about this on TV.

Those data centers are a scourge.

We can't have that in our community.

Sorry to hit you with all this

right when you get back from your RV adventure.

"RV adventure."

That's a polite way of saying "coast-to-coast sex romp."

It was a glorious trip.

There were just so many nooks and crannies

to explore all across this great country.

No one want to think about that.

Is one reason why we threw elders off cliff.

Anyway,

we know you know local ordinances inside and out.

Do you think there's anything we can do to stop this?

Well, there might be.

If a building in Ulster County

is designated a historical landmark,

it cannot be torn down.

Great, so how do we get designated

as a historical landmark?

Well, you would have to be approved

by the county historian Joe Patterson.

I can put you in touch with him.