Web Therapy

Previously on "Web Theraphy." I think that

based on our...

attempted therapy with... with Kip,

that he is incredibly resistant.

- Oh. - Yes. He is not a man

who responds at all well to the female form.

So I'm very excited about next week,

and we can really sink our teeth into the book.

Well I've got my best man on it.

- Oh. - Her name is Maxine.

Well that's your loss. Honestly.

And your second loss may be in the divorce proceedings

that we're going to recommend that Kip proceed with.

Hello, Camilla.

It's me, Fiona.

I just wanna thank you so much

for taking the time to speak to me.

Oh, well...

I'm afraid you got me...

- You got me out of bed. - Oh.

That's what you wear to bed?

- Yeah. - That's...

Anyway, um, I wanted you to know that, you know,

I've done some research.

I picked up parts of your book online and--

- Yes, I can tell by what you're wearing.

Well, I actually owned this,

so it was part of my--

German look.

Well...

But I also, um, I caught Trent.

- I saw your husband Trent on... - Oh, you did.

Fox news or Nightline or--

- Yeah, he was, uh... - Or The View.

- I mean, he's everywhere. - Yeah, I know.

He's traveling a lot.

He's so handsome.

He's so well-groomed, you know.

Yes, he takes a lot of care with his hygiene, his look,

his, uh, haberdashery.

And he's so passionate about his position.

He was arguing, I think, about gay marriage.

Yes, and the downside of all that.

Right, yes.

Well, you're a beautiful couple

I guess is what I'm trying to say.

Oh. Well, thank you, Fiona.

And I'm seeing the light.

And, um, I just wanted to let you know thank you

for the work that you're doing,

and I have what I hope is good news

in that, you know, I'm writing a book myself

and my publisher thinks that it would be a great idea

for me to go down there so I could be with Kip

to get, you know, firsthand knowledge of how's he doing

this recovery and be by his side for--

Uh-uh, uh-uh, you know we have a policy down here.

No text, no cell, no calls,

no Skype-y thing.

No, uh, contact with family members.

First thing we do is drop the phone in the hot tub.

So, uh, I'm afraid that won't work out.

No, why? Why wouldn't it?

I feel it would be very, very, very disruptive to our progress.

And we--we have been making so much progress.

We've been making so much progress.

I'm a little bit worn out. You'll have to forgive me.

Oh, he's gotten extra attention or...

Yes, well, we've moved beyond just talk and aversion therapy.

We went right to--

we went right to the 24/7 of healing hands.

Healing--healing hands?

- Yeah, healing hands is... - I don't know that.

A method of electro stimulation,

um, body massage,

constant pressure on all the sites,

specific points in the body

that can, um...

C-cause, uh, arousal

and it can be a very exhausting and demanding process.

So basically you were sleeping

with my husband is what I'm hearing.

Well, I don't know how much sleep he gets.

I know I don't get very much.

But yes, we are applying hands-on therapy,

top to toe, back and front, all around the world.

We are going where--

No I understand what you're doing.

And so you're sleeping with my husband

and getting paid for it in return,

which is a different...

Profession than what I thought you were offering.

If I can reveal myself to you,

I can tell you that God touches me down there.

I feel a little tingling, and he taps me for this work.

He says, "get in there and do what you can, Camilla."

How interesting that he taps you there

when a shoulder is so available.

No, I just think that it wouldn't be good

for you to come down here and I'm afraid I'll have to,

uh, close the gates to that suggestion.

- Right. - You know, Kip and I,

when we're really getting into it,

he reveals so much to me

and, um, I don't mind sharing with you that he told me

that your dad had a very big influence on you.

And that made me feel good 'cause my dad did, too, on me.

My dad was an electrician

and he taught me about connection.

And, you know, there's the--there's the female

connection and there's the male connection

and the female receptor has two holes.

And the male has two prongs.

And the way it works is you get those two things together,

Uhh!

And you have electricity.

Two--two prongs?

And two holes?

Hold on.

Tw--yes. Two.

And your father taught you this?

Actually, I think Ben Franklin made that up.

He's from Philadelphia, right?

Yes, I--I think he was.

That's how you make electricity.

What a convenient gift Benjamin Franklin gave all of us

to provide you with a colorful metaphor--

Do you know how electricians refer to

the two prongs hitting each other?

They call that the suicide point.

- That doesn't work. - Right...

That's two men and the receiver and the prong is man and woman.

- This doesn't work either. - Right...

So what you need is that connection.

- That's how you make electricity. - Good for you.

In fact, we're having so much success that the election

committee has contacted me to go out on the road

with the rehabilitation tour.

And am I to understand--because Austen

is obviously his biggest backer--he's out of town,

I haven't really communicated with him--

that he's endorsing you being by my husband's side for his--

Yes, yes everyone's very happy about that

because they don't want the woman who turned Kip gay

with him at his side on the podium.

I mean, that would be so m--embarrassing for Ki--

But having him be divorced wouldn't put off voters?

As long as, you know, America's moved on, Fiona.

This isn't the olden days where you only had one chance at life.

America's about being reborn, renewed, and restored,

and that's what we've done for Kip down here

at the Compass Center.

So thank you.

Is that what I'm meant to say?

I think maybe that would be in order,

but you don't have to thank me.

You do not have to thank me.

I'm only doing for Kip what you were not able to do.

It's interesting, your line of work.

- And in fact... - Yes?

I'm gonna do it again in about five minutes.

I think he's due.

He is due in.

So I might have to sign off for now.

Once more into the breach.

Oh, hi, Dr. Wallice.

Yes, I want you to listen to something, please.

Oh, okay.

Fiona, Jerome and Hayley

just left my apartment, and might I say

- I adore those two lovebirds. - It's Max.

The showed up with the new pages.

Bravo, my friend.

Fiona, your courage, your bravery in sharing

the stuff that you did, wow.

Wow, this is gonna kick that book

right up to where we need it to be.

Also, I would like you to thank your mother for me.

Her including those photos-- invaluable.

And might I also tell you,

that was some rhinoplasty they did on you.

Boy, oh, boy, I had never seen a child with a nose like that.

You can hardly even tell now.

But this is the kind of stuff we need

in order to make that book something, so thank you.

And you just remind that Hayley and Jerome,

next time they're in New York City,

I don't wanna hear about a hotel.

No, I do not.

They will be staying with me.

Hayley. Oh. Adorable. She was so generous.

So sweet, Max--

How wonderful you're making

- such fast friends. - Oh, yeah, not she was ver--

With someone that you have no business even speaking to.

- Oh, well, no, sh-- - How dare you not send me pages

before you send them off to the publisher, Jerome.

Well, listen, I wanna assure you that I talked up as much

as I possibly could your contribution to the book.

My contribution? It's my book.