Shrill

- OK, I'm gonna have that one. - OK, I'm gonna have that one,

and also that one that you picked right now.

- What?! - Hmm.

Oh, man. I cannot wait for Lamar to get here.

Oh, my God, me too.

Turns out it's actually not that nice, getting dumped,

but at least my brother is coming, because he has to love me.

Yeah. I do think of all of your family, he is my favorite.

He's here!

I'm here!

- Hey! - Yay!

- Annie, this is for you. - Oh, my gosh.

- Fancy. Ooh! - Wrapped it myself.

You're gonna like it.

Oh, my God!

- This is perfect! - Jackpot.

Some chocolate turtles and a rock?

Yeah. Do you not remember junior year when Lamar visited us,

and you passed out, we got locked out...

Yeah, and then me and Annie ended up going for this walk

and we wound up sittin' on this bridge...

And were throwing rocks down into the water,

and I can confirm to you...

This is where she starts lying.

... 100% certainty, Lamar killed a turtle.

No. No, I didn't. Not 100%. It was a can.

I hear rock hit shell, shell shatter,

and a turtle scream, "No!"

- It was a can. - OK, I'm sorry.

You know that you did it.

OK, yeah, yeah. Very fun turtle murder memory.

- What'd you get for me? - Here we go. This is for you, sis.

- Codeine. - Yeah.

Thank you. I mean, this is actually quite a good gift.

When you used to visit us in college,

you would make playlists as presents.

I mean, I was 15. Come on, that's what 15-year-olds do, right?

Yeah, mashups,

but wasn't one called "Jams To Smash To:

A Musical Experience by Lamar"?

The funny thing is, I hadn't smashed yet at all,

so it was very aspirational.

- And you still haven't smashed. - I have smashed. I've smashed a lot.

- Still not smashed. - I'm smashing all over the place.

- Smash hits. - Why do I have to get a notification

every time that this monster comments on my article?

- What's he saying now? - He wrote,

"Eat shit, which I know you will, because you'll eat anything."

And then he just wrote, "Pig fuck tit bitch cum hog."

What the...

Nobody gets to call you "pig fuck tit bitch cum hog" but me.

That's so nice.

_

_

Kim? Where's Kim? I want her to hear this.

Kim! Where the fuck are you at, ho?!

Ruthie, I'm right here.

And we've talked about the "ho" thing. I don't...

- Um, she's right here. - OK, great. A little announcement.

I'm throwing a reception this Friday evening.

We're turning the hallway into a gallery

to celebrate an exciting new artist on the Portland art scene.

I discovered him. Uh, the artist is my husband, Tony.

Thank you. They say looking at his work

makes you feel like you fucked God.

And I mean that literally.

I'm kidding, Andy. I know you're religious.

- Well, I'm spiritual. - Great. Whatever.

There's gonna be an open bar, I want you all to bring partners,

dates, whatever.

OK, so please dress like you've been to New York

at some point in your life.

OK, that'll be all. I'll see you all there.

And please, people, try to arrive by horse-drawn carriage

and make sure that your butler is washed,

because this is not Fresno.

You're really channeling Gabe in this moment.

It's like he's sitting here.

Thank you.

Are you actually gonna bring... someone to this party?

Oh, yeah. I'm bringin' Cindy. This is like revenge for that time

she made me see her brother's one-man show

about being middle class.

I guess if you're bringing Cindy, I might bring Ryan.

Wait. The hardware store guy?

- Mm-hmm. Mm... - Is it getting serious?

Uh, everybody get down!

Uh, there's someone getting actively dicked!

- She's getting dick. - God, OK.

Yes, I am getting dick.

I'm getting mouth, I'm getting hand, I'm getting heart.

I'm getting all of him, and we're a little bit of a thing, OK?

- OK, what is the dick like? - It's pretty straightforward,

like a classic American dick.

- What does American mean to you? - Like Ford tough.

Aw, Annie got some game.

Mm-mm-mm.

I'm bringing my neighbor Wayne.

He's 18 years old, and he's horny as fuck.

Ryan's horny as fuck too, so maybe they can hang.

- Hey. - Hey there.

- What's up? - Shabbat Shalom!

Oh, fuck! No!

- Oh, shit. Sorry. - Come on.

Sorry. What's up? How ya doin'?

Hey. Um, I was just calling because my boss

is having this dumb work thing on Friday,

and I was kinda thinking you could come with me.

- There's gonna be an open bar. - Oh, awesome.

That sounds cool.

I mean, is there gonna be a bartender? Do we have to tip him?

I mean, if we do, I can.

I guess this kind of makes it like, our second official date?

Yeah. That's a big deal.

Mm-hmm.

Right on. Well, I'm gonna put it on my calendar

right when we hang up.

OK. Good. I'm... I'm excited.

Oh, hey! Were you gonna show me your tits earlier?

Y-Yes, I was.

But I feel that maybe now the moment has passed, so...

Right. Of course. Cool.

Um... I will see them on Friday.

- Bye! - Bye.

- Hi! - Hey!

It's my Annie and Frannie!

Oh, wow, and the famous Lamar.

- Hey, man. Thanks for having me. - Yeah.

Fran says how good you've been to her.

- She's like our second daughter. - Well, don't feel like

you have to stop playing. It's so nice!

- Go on, play away! Please. - OK.

Hey, why don't you get out your oboe? We'll jam a little bit, huh?

- No, no, no, no. No. - What's this about an oboe?

- This is a "no oboe" zone. - Come on!

- No-boe. - No-boe zone.

So you must be Lamar.

I'm Vera. Welcome.

- Oh! - Thank you for having me.

Oh, so nice to meet you.

- The party can start. - It can.

I'm a little worried about cooking for a chef.

Don't be worried. Don't be worried about it.

Just some Beef Wellington'll be fine.

- Something simple, ya know. - Oh. Is that hard?

Yeah, it's pretty hard.

And last but not least,

- Bill's special plate. - Oh, my God.

What is that?

Well, I've been helping him out with his diet since the surgery.

And you're serving him the very thing

that they removed from his body?

- Yeah, I thought it looked familiar. - Yes!

OK, yeah, here we go.

But I'm just trying to do everything I can to keep you healthy.

So what's the latest with you, Fran? Are you still seeing someone?

- I actually just got dumped. - What?!

You'll find someone else soon. The gals love you.

You know, I wish Annie would play the field like you do.

OK. I...

I actually... I do play the field.

You've never brought anyone up to me.

OK. Well, actually I'm seeing someone.

- What? Who? - Who?

I hope it's not a Richie Turner situation.

Who's Richie Turner?

We definitely don't need to go down the Richie Turner road right now.

He was this boy in high school

that Annie had such a huge crush on

it was painful! They would... Oh, God.

Night after night, they were on the phone all the time...

But the thing is, he would just talk to her

all about the girls he had crushes on,

which made you very upset, Annie.

No, no, he liked Annie. He liked Annie.

- Well... - Yeah.

Well, he still lives in the neighborhood.

Why don't we go settle this once and for all?

Yeah.

Well, this isn't that, so...

I guess I just don't want you to get into some kind of...

unrequited thing.

OK, well, this is... this is not unrequited.

OK? His name is Ryan, he's very tall,

he's... going with me to a work thing this week.

- It's very requited. - OK.

Well... uh, let's drink to Annie's boyfriend!

- And Annie's first article. - Yes, to that, to that.

- And to Richie Turner! - Yes.

Who is never not in the Safeway parking lot.

It's true.

- He's always in that parking lot! - He lives there.

Good for him!

_

So thank you so much. Please, explore, explore, explore!

You have fun, but remember: it is responsible feminist art,

OK? So not too much fun, OK?

- Annie. Tony. - Oh, hi!

- So great to meet you. - Wow.

Annie's been generating a lot of hits with that article she wrote