Shrill

Wait.

Bye.

Hmm.

‐Thank you. ‐No problem.

Morning. How are you?

Cool. Kicking pizza.

‐ ‐

‐You can just take my number. ‐Oh!

Oh, my God, you're Toned Tanya.

I was just taking a photo so the tabs were available for other people, so...

‐Here. Take a tab. ‐Oh. Thank you.

Oh.

Wow. Your wrists are tiny.

Oh.

You actually have a really small frame.

There is a small person inside of you dying to get out.

Well, I hope that small person's OK in there.

I know, it can seem impossible. But you can do this.

You weren't meant to carry around all this extra weight.

Oh. Wow. Um, very cool.

I know I can help you.

Well, that's very nice. Thank you.

No. Thank yourself for the amazing way you're gonna feel

after you give yourself permission to be well.

Thank you, me.

‐You could be so pretty. ‐Oh.

‐That was crazy. ‐Oh. No.

No, no, it was cool. She wants me to transform‐‐

like a Transformer.

You're funny! You're like Rosie O'Donnell.

‐Oh. ‐BARISTA: I think that

every time you come in here.

I think, "Who does she remind me of? Rosie O'Donnell."

Oh! Wow. Thank you.

‐BARISTA: Yeah. ‐OK, well, have a good one, guys.

‐WOMAN: You too. ‐BARISTA: You too.

"Piles of old prescription glasses and other treasures

once owned by child ghosts can now be yours.

It's the annual St. Andrew's Academy rummage sale."

‐It's good. ‐Really?

Yeah. I'm into it.

Hey, Gabe! Cool shirt alert!

Whoo!

Did you just "cool shirt alert" your grown‐man boss?

Yes. And I whoo'ed.

Amadi, would I be insane

to go and pitch Gabe my idea about Portland's female longshoremen?

‐I say go for it. ‐Really?

Really.

‐OK. I'm gonna do it. ‐AMADI: Go do it.

‐Hey, Ruthie. ‐What?

‐ANNIE: I was just saying hi. ‐Hi.

Would it be OK if I, um, went in and talked to Gabe?

‐I'm sorry, what? ‐Can I go in and talk to Gabe?

I'm having a bad day. Look at this.

Is that a little cat? Or...

It's a cat that was shot to death.

Jesus! Why are you looking at that?

I don't know. Shut up.

‐OK. Thank you. ‐RUTHIE:

He's not coming.

Gabe!

I said come in!

OK. Thanks, Ruthie.

I'm‐I'm sorry to interrupt.

What is it?

I just came in to say that, um,

I just loved your article in last week's issue.

It was so, so great.

Did you, um...

did you really give Henry Rollins a piggyback ride?

That's what we called it back then.

Oh, God. So, so good. Amazing.

‐What is it, Annie? ‐Well, um, first let me just say

you know that it's been my dream to work for you, and I've‐‐

I've been reading your work since I was 14.

That's adorable. Is there a point?

Well, I know I'm just Assistant Calendar Editor,

but I would really love to write more,

‐and I have some ideas‐‐ ‐Annie.

You millennial dumpling.

I just want you to work hard and pay your dues.

‐OK? ‐OK.

God, when I was your age, I was already

burnin' shit down and fuckin' shit up.

Yes. Exactly. And I would love to start fuckin' some shit up.

Annie, please, go away.

I love you. You're a vital and tiny cog.

OK. So that's a maybe then, right?

Mmm. Mmm.

Ohh. Ohh...

‐Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. ‐RYAN: What?

‐I just‐‐ Don't stop. ‐OK.

I just wanna leave it on, OK?

OK. Mmm.

Yeah, yeah.

It always feels so much better no‐condom.

For you too, right?

Yes, absolutely.

I was worried too, because I jacked off like an hour before you got here.

‐Mm‐hmm? ‐But that was actually really good.

‐Cool. ‐Mm.

Hey, um, you should get a second pillow,

'cause then I can have one when I sleep over.

No way. I'm your pillow.

You know, um, it's almost our six‐months‐of‐fucking anniversary.

Why do you think I brought the water?

Well, thanks.

‐Thanks for that. ‐You're welcome.

‐ ‐OK.

I gotta go back to work.

But... do you wanna get dinner tonight?

I can't. I'm, uh,

working on my Alcatraz podcast with Pete and Mike.

‐Oh, yeah, um, "Talkin' 'Traz," right? ‐Yeah.

Well, do you work at the hardware store today, or no?

No. My boss Dave suspended me

for making free keys for everyone I know.

Well, then you should make a key to Dave's house

and then kill him and his entire family.

‐ANNIE: ‐That's fucked up.

‐His wife just had a baby. ‐Oh. Yeah.

I‐I wasn't serious about the murder,

but you're taking it seriously, so that's good.

I'm glad I got to see you.

Me too. That was cool.

‐Yeah. ‐MAN: Good God...

Hey, my roommates are here, so...

Your brother and Pete? I really want to meet them.

Yeah, and you will, like, definitely.

But maybe not today?

I don't wanna have to explain my love life to those clowns.

‐Totally. Sure. ‐RYAN: Yeah.

Hey. You're cool with going out the back again, right?

Um...

‐Yeah. ‐RYAN: Cool.

C'mon.

‐Shhh! Quietly. ‐

OK, bye.

Oh, wait. Gimme a kiss.

‐ ‐ANNIE: Uhh!

Hi.

Let's see, I got my lotion and my gum

and my shoelaces for my brown shoes, which I love,

um, and could I also get, um, the morning‐after pill?

I think it's called... Step Two?

‐ ‐Thank you.

So, do you, uh, sell more of the morning‐after pill

in the morning, or is it kind of an all‐day thing?

Hey, Nick! Do we sell the morning‐after pill‐‐

That's OK, we‐‐ we don't need to bother Nick.

He's, um, doin' pill business.

Um, I‐I will just pay,

and‐‐and this'll be over.

This is the best haircut I've ever done.

If I saw you walkin' down the street, I would get down on one knee.

You look perfect.

Fran, you're a genius.

Text me if you want a fringe trim.

Or text me when you break up with your shitty boyfriend.

Bye. Thank you.

‐Bye, Annie. ‐Bye!

Oh, my God. She comes for trims all the time.

‐It's exhausting. ‐I know, and did she even pay you?

'Cause she's the one that never pays, right?

She never pays me in money.

It's always some shit that I don't want.

I mean, let's see what she brought me this time.

‐OK, whoa. ‐Oh.

Ooh!

This could be for you.

I don't know.

I don't know if I would really wear this.

Like, could I pull it off?

Also, it looks like the security tags are still on there,

which, I don't know, kind of leads me to believe

it's all stolen.

Is that our business, though?

I mean, yes, a grifter whose hair I cut brought them into our home,

but this stuff is nice.

‐Ooh. ‐Good God.

‐That's looks like a stillborn puppy. ‐ANNIE: What?!

‐ ‐Bonkers! Bonkers, no!

Oh my God, he has a tampon.