Ghosts

What the hell was that?

-(creaking) -Hello?

Jay?

Surprise.

Carol?

What are you doing here? You got sucked off.

You're right,

and I've been having a blast up there.

I can't say too much,

but they have pickleball.

That's it. That's all I'll say.

Carol, what is happening?

I'm your little Christmas Carol.

You see, around Christmas,

we Carols are given special powers,

including the ability to grant wishes.

Oh, also,

we can give out candy canes.

I-I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding.

I didn't make a wish.

Oh, yes, you did.

You said, and I quote,

"I wish I had never been able to see ghosts."

Okay.

So why are you here?

I'm here to show you what your life would be like

if you'd never tripped on that vase,

if you had never fallen down the stairs,

if you had never gained the ability to see ghosts.

Whoa.

So let's get this started.

Sam, you're coming with me.

Well, that was supposed to whoosh us away,

but it's my first time.

Hey, I need to get some steps in anyway. Let's go.

You know, Carol, I'm actually feeling a little silly

about this whole wishing not to see ghosts thing.

Holy crap, am I day-drinking with Sasha and Libby?

Sam, this eggnog is delicious.

And these gingerbread men you made?

So cute. Not to brag,

but I think this one is flirting with me.

-(laughs) Look at you,

just enjoying a little Christmas Eve tipple with two

of your closest gal pals.

B-But I don't get it, Sasha thinks I'm crazy.

No, Sasha thought you were crazy

because she caught you performing a séance

for the ghosts, and she thought you and Jay were murderers.

But that was because of the ghosts.

In this world, none of that happened.

So she thinks I'm sane?

Yep. And not just sane.

Funny.

Short, bald and covered in crumbs?

I'm sorry, is this a gingerbread man

or the guy I dated before Jay?

Sam, you are hilarious.

Without the ghosts interrupting you all the time,

you're actually a much better conversationalist.

Man,

I'd love to see these ladies in bikinis.

How does this place not have a hot tub?

-Disgusting. -Right?

But you can't hear him, so you don't care.

I hate to say it, but we've got to run.

Next time at my place?

Uh, do you have wine?

Of course.

Then, yeah, I think I'll be there.

So, what am I doing now?

Oh, just sitting there.

Since you're not always taking care of the ghosts,

you actually have time to yourself.

Whoa. I can't remember the last time

I just sat and read a book.

And look at me, I don't even mind

that Trevor's reading over my shoulder.

I'm pretty sure he's trying to look down your dress,

but, hey, you don't know, so who cares?

Stupid camisole. I'm getting nothing.

So, if I have all this free time,

I guess that means the B and B still isn't doing very well.

Are you kidding?

Without the ghosts to worry about,

you've really been able to throw yourself

into making this place a success.

The B and B is thriving.

-(phone ringing) -Oh, come.

Woodstone B and B, how may I help you?

Freddie. He used to work here.

He was incredible. But he quit.

He quit because of the ghosts.

But now he's all in on Woodstone.

I'm so sorry, we don't have any availability

-until January 17th. -Hold on,

the B and B is sold out?

Great. We'll see you then. -(hangs up phone)

Who keeps searching "Girls Gone Wild" on this thing?

I should have gone to Arizona State.

I'm home.

Hey, Freddie.

-Jay, I missed you. -I missed you, too.

Uh-oh. Mistletoe.

Oh.

Mmm.

She could do so much better.

I gotta admit, this life looks pretty great.

And Trevor seems

pretty much the same.

How are the other ghosts doing?

Well, why don't we find out?

Huh, still not working.

Looks like we're hoofing it again.

And that concludes my lecture

on different kinds of knots.

Tomorrow Thorfinn will be giving a talk on trout.

Will be similar to herring lecture

but more trout-focused.

-I'm in hell. Okay,

so this all seems pretty standard.

I guess the ghosts are just doing the same kind of stuff

they did before I met them.

So, Alberta, you excited for upcoming wedding?

Aw, Alberta and Pete are getting married?

-That's sweet. Yeah. I mean, I get

to sing, which will be a nice little treat for everybody.

Although I'm maybe a little surprised

they're finally going through with it.

Oh.

So it's not Pete and Alberta?

You know what, if they're happy, I'm happy.

Well, one of them is definitely happy.

Carol, who are they talking about?

Hello, all.

Ah, we look forward to seeing you

at our nuptials this afternoon.

Hmm? Huzzah.

Isaac and Hetty?

But that is impossible.

And yet, in this world, it's happening.

-Hmm, your wish. We just wanted

to remind you that the ceremony is to begin promptly at 2:00.

Weather permitting,

of course.

The wedding is indoors, my love.

Right, right, right.

Could be a tornado.

No, no.

The only tornado shall be tonight

in our marriage bed.

Oh.

Mmm...

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, Carol. What is going on?

Isaac can't marry Hetty. He's...

: gay.

Why did you whisper that?

I don't know, it seemed like a weird thing to shout.

Here's the thing.

Isaac only came out

because you were there to support him.

Without you, he still hasn't figured out who he truly is.

Huh.

I guess I did have kind of a big effect on him.

You've had a big effect on all of them.

Without you, Alberta never found out who killed her,

Thor's still having his night terrors,

and Pete never learned he could leave the property.

He never even tried?

He was told he couldn't, and the man loves rules.

He won a goldfish

at the state fair once and reported it on our taxes.

Let me guess, he also tried

to report a free sample from the grocery store?

It's actually the other Sam that's funny.

Come on, I have a lot to show you.

Christmas is always

one of the toughest times to be dead,

wondering about my family.

Are they doing okay? Do they even think about me?

They do. Your daughter

Laura named her son after you.

Pete doesn't know that.

In this world, you never invited me here

to dedicate that weird bench.

Pete never watched Laura get married.

He doesn't even know Little Pete.

Thor also miss his family.

Leave behind young son.

Will never get to know what he like as man.

No, Thor, your son is like a hundred yards away.

Tragic.

I hope he grow up to be great warrior

who kill many Danes

and never eat best friend.

-What? -Nothing.

Random example not taken from Thor's life.

The nice thing about the holidays

is that the girls on the dating apps

are lonely as hell.