Impractical Jokers

Narrator: Coming up --

Has prince herb become prince charming?

"this mother's day, I will show my love

With something from the chocolate lovers collection."

Does murr think life in plastic is fantastic?

"I know daddy was in my room again

Because the barbies were wrestling."

And which losing joker won't rock the airwaves

In tonight's punishment?

man: You're wrong, bitch.

Ooh.

Prince herb: Prepare for something amazing.

Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr: Like a boss!

Prince herb: I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Joe: "routine stool samples may be requested."

Today, we're posing as high-powered lawyers,

And we've got to walk focus-group participants

Through a standard legal contract

We just need them to sign.

Okay, the catch is that this contract has been filled

With all sorts of weird terms and conditions

That have been put in there by the other guys.

The lawyer who gets the least amount of signatures loses.

Everything's fine. Just sign here.

I'm looking for a glen. That's me.

Hi. How are you, sir? I'm good. And you?

My name is prince. I'm just legal counsel for...

Okay.

That's the guy that you think's the lawyer --

Prince herb. Yeah.

We're premium focus groups llc.

This is a boilerplate contract.

"participant understands that participant's comments

Made within aforementioned group may be written down."

Sure. All right?

"understand that there is no corpus juris

Like a new jersey corpus juris

Because the new jersey corpus juris don't stop."

What's a corpus juris?

Since we're in new jersey, we're following new jersey law.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, that's the one.

Again, this is so standard.

He signed!

"acknowledge that, at the present,

You do not understand your used of 'vosotros'

Pluralization in spanish."

no one uses "vosotros."

So you just initial for "vosotros."

He signed!

"in the event of a calamitous office disaster,

I consent to an autopsy performed by amateur hobbyists."

-Amateur hobbyists. -Initial here.

So they don't do it as a living.

They actually just examine dead bodies

As, like, their part-time thing,

Like people collect stamps?

This guy's amazing!

God, I really hope I don't die any time soon.

No.

And that actually brings me to the last two provisions,

Which was, no one can amend this after you sign it.

And then, "this mother's day, I will show my love

With something from the chocolate lovers collection."

Just sign.

No. You don't want to --

You don't want to -- for mother's day,

You don't even want to indulge in the chocolate?

She has high blood sugar. Are you kidding me?

No, this is -- this is -- just too stupid.

This is the --

This is too stupid.

"well, then, I obviously have to sweeten the deal."

And reveal what you have in your briefcase.

Look, if this isn't enough for you,

Might I sweeten the deal?

Murr: what's in there?

It's filled with birdseed!

This is all yours.

You want my john hancock on there?

Yes, please.

appreciate that.

I see the bird feed did the trick.

there you go.

-Thank you. -Wait, wait, wait.

He signed it "john hancock."

wow!

My name is james murray.

I am the lawyer here at the focus group. Okay.

We legally have to take you through a few of the things. Okay.

-Okay. -Here we go.

You agree to participate in the focus group today.

So, "participant agrees

That the federal bureau of investigation, fbi,

May adapt participant's name and likeness

To portray a fictional terrorism suspect

For internal training purposes only."

Just sign next to that one so I know that that is okay.

this initial next to that one.

Wow! He's got one.

Great. Moving ahead.

Okay, "I acknowledge that I am not,

Nor have I ever been,

Musical artist sarah mclachlan."

I don't even know who that is.

So then it's totally fine. Yeah.

Just sign right there.

That is two! Two, murray. Good job.

"I heretofore agree

To be called 'moist richard' for the remainder of the day."

What that means...

-Moist richard. -...Moist richard...

yeah.

...Is we like to keep

Your identity anonymous to the clients.

Oh, good spin!

If they were to ask you, "what is your name?"

You would say...

Moist richard.

"moist richard" is what you would say, right.

Great. So just sign next to that, too.

Oh, you have to initial "m.R." for "moist richard."

Now, number 12 -- this is really important, okay?

"in the event that I, the undersigned, moist richard,

Move to beaver dam city, wisconsin,

At any point in perpetuity,

I forfeit my rights to payment."

I don't know. All of this seems a little bit strange.

Oh, really? Most of them are very standard, I would say.

I want you to be comfortable, moist richard.

You know, we'll strike the beaver dam one.

Jennifer? Yes.

Hey, how are you? Hello.

My name is danny passman.

Danny passman. Ah!

Ah! We know danny.

Our dear friend and our lawyer.

I am an attorney, and I'm here for you.

We got to go over the contract.

Okay. Okay.

He's doing good.

I'm a little embarrassed to read it over with you

Because it's so standard.

-Here he goes. -Here he goes.

Uh-oh. You have to read.

Okay, all right. So, it's just, partici--

"participant acknowledges that participation

In this focus group is voluntary service."

It sounds like all of q's teeth are loose.

"in the event of -- in the event of

A donkey boy vs. The state of connecticut situation,

I knowingly waive my right to free speech."

What is donkey boy?

He works for the company here,

And he's in a little bit of an issue with connecticut.

So that's not a problem.

-Yeah! -He got one.

Okay, "while partaking in this international focus group,

I understand that I am technically

No longer under u.S. Law."

That's just the...

"the u.S. Has no jurisdiction here."

So, yeah, the u.S. Doesn't really --

doesn't really have jurisdiction here.

I don't understand. Why would that be in there?

No, no, it's only for the focus group.

The data from the focus group could be used internationally.

I could cross that out. That's no problem.

I'm here for you. I'm danny passman.

This is all very standard stuff.

All right, let's go through the whole thing

Before I initial anything else. Okay, okay.

-Oh! -Oh, she didn't sign that one.

Number seven -- "if by chance I perish here,

I agree to donate my corpse

To premium focus groups, incorporated llc."

That's just a --

it's pretty standard.

If you die here...

If she dies in a focus group.

Family doesn't get your body.

Why would something like that even be in a contract?

Because we do different focus groups for different reasons.

Yeah, but why would my corpse have anything to do with that?

"your corpse is yours."

Yeah, your corpse is yours. What's the rest of it?

That's it. I don't even think we should be discussing anything

About a corpse.