Smallville

Wow.

Y-you look great.

Thanks.

Never hurts to change it up a little bit.

Except for the ring -- never gonna take that off.

It's my sparkly little ball and chain.

So, you have any second thoughts about your girls' night out?

Clark, swingin' single days have swung.

It's just all this wedding stuff I very wedding-y.

I never thought I'd be that gal.

Lois...

Hi. ...I think there's something's missing.

Ta-da!

Your bachelorette superpower-up!

It's actually not bad.

I thought I'd be spending the entire night

cuffed to a blow-up doll while wearing a dog collar, so...

with this thing, I will be drinking free all night long.

Yes, she will.

Oh! Got it.

Hey, you know what?

After all the years that I've known you,

I don't think I've ever seen you this happy.

Well, wouldn't be the same without you being here.

Yeah?

Just wish I could freeze this moment in time forever.

Me too.

Unfortunately, the limo is here.

So, u, we should go. But before we do, um, a toast.

Oh, right. A toast. Sorry. Forgot that one.

To the bride and groom.

You know, to friends.

You two amazing people

have been the best friends I could have ever asked for.

And...

We want you to know that we are here for you,

to support you

as you begin your "happily ever after" adventure.

And tonight is all about celebrating you.

And, uh, I hope you boys have fun tonight,

but don't do anything I wouldn't do.

No. No, we wouldn't, uh -- wouldn't do that.

To the bride and groom!

[ Thump

Chloe?

Clark?

What'd you do?

What did we do?

Fortune

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Stay!

Okay, he can just hang tight in there

while we figure this out.

- You don't think that we... - Exchanged vows?

- Well, I mean... - Said, "I do"?

- Both... - Did the deed? O, God.

Don't say the word "consummate."

The answer has to be no.

Okay, what if these are just costumes?

Right, right -- we went to a costume party

dressed like the top of a wedding cake.

Clark!

Looks like things got a little out of control.

Okay...

Before we go Defcon 1 on this stag-party snafu,

let's just take a step back.

- Whoa. - I can't, Chloe.

I have no memory of what happened last night,

which is weird, because alcohol normally doesn't affect me.

Yeah, well, my memory etch a sketch is blank, too.

Must be more than champagne in these bottles.

Didn't realize this was a gift.

"Congrats, Clark. You deserve a real party.

Hugs, Zatanna."

She must have put a spell on these.

Complete with a memory erase.

If Zatanna's mind-wipe affected you,

then it could have affected Oliver.

It could have affected all of us.

Lois.

Where's your phone?

Lois?

Yes, this is Clark Kent.

You have my wallet downtown?

If your wallet was on the hood of the car,

that throws the costume-party theory out.

There's no sign of a driver.

You know, maybe there's a number we can call.

Whoa. Hey, Chloe, look.

I got a text message from last night --

and it's from Lois.

It says, "I just need more time."

She doesn't want to be found.

What if all this finally got to her and it pushed her away?

Clark, okay, all of the taffeta and lace

and goofy traditions in the world

are not gonna give Lois the wedding jitters.

You don't understand. This is not the first time that she has bailed

when things got real between us.

First time I kissed her, she left town.

When she found out I was The Blur,

she went to Egypt.

Look, your relationship is at a totally different level right now.

Not to mention the fact

that Lois knows that you are the proverbial one.

And besides that, weddings just aren't that scary.

I hope you're right.

Are those Emil's pants?

- Yeah, I found them in the backseat. - What's that?

Looks like half of a wedding certificate.

Missing one of the names.

Holy matrimony -- that's my signature.

Clark, we really are married.

Emil.

He wasn't drinking. He'll have answers.

I'll call you after I find our friends.

Ohh! Clark.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

Whoa.

Chloe, this killer headache is affecting my abilities.

This might be more difficult than I thought.

Think I just got an idea of where to start.

Uh, excuse me.

Where did you get those shirts?

One night, he's already famous.

Well, Emil always was an overachiever.

Why don't you go take care of that?

And I'm gonna call Oliver,

and I'll meet you at the Watchtower. Okay.

Let me tell you somethin'.

The one guy I counted on remaining sober.

Do we know each other?

So you did have fun last night.

Um, I'm looking

for the girl that came in here with me last night.

She probably insulted you more than once.

She was there when I dropped you off

but was gone when I picked you up.

At the Chapel of Love.

Come on over here.

Emil Hamilton, can you step off the stage, please?

We got some questions about an armored car

that was stolen last night.

Thank you very much. Gentlemen...

I plead innocent to all charges!

- I'm but a humble entertainer. - Funny. You can tell the judge

how you made it vanish into thin air.

Into thin air.

Clarkie...

Oh, there's I only one person that I know

that can make an armored car adios in seconds.

Mm.

H-hey!

Hey, watch it, Buster!

Sorry! Oh.

Hi.

Good morning.

- Sorry. - Good morning. It's okay.

Whoa, my head is pounding like a mosh pit.

And my mouth tastes like armpit.

Hey.

What happened?

I think the jury's still out, but, uh...

I'd say we just survived the world's greatest bachelor party.

No offense, but speak for yourself.

My dream soiree would end waking up

with someone a little taller, darker,

and a different kind of handsome.

Well, no surprise there.

How the hell did we end up here, anyway?