Web Therapy

Previously on Web Therapy...

And we assume we'll need a documentarian to film sort--

Okay, I'm sorry, hold on one sec.

Did you-- this is someone--a doc--

someone who's gonna be in charge of the image

of the campaign that--

Well, you're in charge of the image of the campaign.

- Make no mistake. - Thank you.

You--you beckoned me.

You told me to come into your office.

- You closed the d-- - Beckoned you?

"Come hither, to my lips?"

No, I don't think I said that.

You told me that I had very kissable lips,

and you asked me to come into your office,

and you asked me to shut the door.

If you must know,

my secret is that I have admired you

for so long.

Wow, you know, I-I can publish this book.

I've got publishing houses to talk to about it.

Oh, really?

Well, some other things have come up,

like, um, let's see,

some purchases at Manly & Lacy...

Both: Midnight Tran to Georgia.

Novelty items for a bachelor party in my office.

I was listening,

but I'm doing something right now, Ben.

All right, what?

Yeah, that sounds good too.

Well, thanks for running it past me.

I think those are good things for Kip to do.

And I appreciate the effort.

All right.

Also, just so you know,

I am aware that you spoke with Austen

to have the publication of my book postponed

till after the campaign.

You could have spoken to me about that...Also,

and I would have complied.

Anything for the campaign.

Are you laughing?

All right. Oh, and, um,

and also, you should know that I did get accredited.

Thank you.

No it wasn't too--

Well, it was difficult.

Yes, um, so anyway,

I'm swamped now with clients,

but I think what I can do

is that I could do some more national publications,

you know, do some interviews.

I can do them from home.

So if you can get me into, um, Allure magazine,

or Marie Claire, or something like that,

I think--

No, I think I am glamorous enough for those.

Well, let's not be defeatist about it.

Why don't you try?

Now I have mock-ups here to generate interest.

Oh, no, not this one.

- Hi. - Hello.

Hi, I'm Dr. Fiona Wallice.

And you must be Kirsten Noble.

It's actually "ker-steen No-bel."

Oh.

Everybody gets it wrong, but it's okay.

- "Ker-steen No-bel." - Says Kirsten Noble here.

- That's funny. - It's "Ker-steen No-bel."

N-o-b-l-e?

It's n-o-b-l-e but pronounced "No-bel,"

like the Nobel Peace Prize.

"Ker-steen No-bel."

Everybody gets it wrong, and it's annoying.

"Ker-steen," all right.

So it's like Sade, I suppose...

- Yeah. - Sort of thing.

- - And no--okay.

- "Ker-steen." - So can you see me okay?

- I see you perfectly fine. - Okay, good.

- Yeah, do you see-- - I'm not used to doing this.

I don't usually do interviews this way,

- but since you wanted to do it-- - Oh, only b--

well, I thought it would be something sort of amusing.

This is how I conduct my therapy.

I'm a therapist,

and I conduct my therapy over the Internet, like this.

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.

I'm just gonna turn on my tape recorder.

- Oh, all right, yeah. - Just take one second.

You don't want to miss a thing, so--

No.

Okay, so I'm just gonna turn this on...

And make sure it's on.

I'm gonna set it... Okay.

Up and make sure that's on. Okay. Okay.

- There we go. - It's on?

- Um... - But you know that it's on?

- That's good. - Wait, hold on one second.

Okay, it's on.

So I am speaking to Fiona Shaw,

- the wife of the republican-- - Yeah, no.

Well, it's Fiona Wallice.

I-I'm so sorry.

- That's all right. - So...

I have a bunch of questions for you.

- No doubt. - How, um...

Fiona Wallice,

how did you and, um,

well, Fiona Wallice, being--

what is it like being the wife of a republican candidate

for a congressional seat in Pennsylvania?

What is that like?

The wife of a-- I'm sorry,

- I got distracted with myself. - Okay.

I wanted to know what it's like

being the wife of a republican candidate

running for a congressional seat.

Well, it entails a lot of appearances

and, you know, just also trying

to put forth the candidate's platform as well.

You know, I'm his partner in crime,

although we haven't committed any crimes.

- You know, it's just a saying. - Mm-hmm.

It's a colorful saying.

How did you two meet?

I love hearing love stories.

Okay, oh, 'cause we're a couple,

so it's that human interest factor. I got it.

Um, Kip and I met while, uh,

you know, he's a very successful attorney.

He was an attorney at the time,

and I was working in the, you know,

unfortunate financial world.

Mm-hmm.

You know, the notorious Lachman Brothers.

There's a story that I wrote a book about

that we can circle back to later, I think.

Um...

- And that's how we met. - Mm-hmm.

- Some acquisition of some kind. - Mm-hmm.

- Is it important? - I don't need that.

All right.

- Um-- - and as I mentioned,

- I've written a book... - Mm-hmm.

Which I don't know if you found that

- in your Google search. - No.

'Cause it's not out,

and I don't know how anyone would know about it

except for now I'm telling you,

and you can dispense the information.

Course, that will wait till after we're done

- with the campaign, and-- - Mm-hmm.

You know, then I'll be able

to probably meet with you again to discuss it.

Let me keep my eye out for that book.

That sounds interesting.

I wanted to get back to some comments you had made

- in the press... - Oh.

That have gotten a lot of buzz.

Oh, I wasn't aware.

You said that fat people

should pay a surtax on their food,

particularly baked goods?

Yes, well, I mean, yes, I did.

You know, I don't know that I said it exactly like that.

But, you know, I-I-I do think that

it's not a bad idea.

You know, we're all so concerned with obesity.

You know, it's a big concern.

And why not generate some revenue for our state?

And you also said something

about immigrants that was very kind of weird.

Oh, about immigr-- that was weird?

Well, I don't know how weird it is.

Uh, it's just a fact that, you know, unfortunately,

most immigrants come to our country

to escape some very unfortunate, unplea--

What? This is just something.

What is the salary for a congressman?

- What's the salary for-- - The yearly salary.

I always wondered about that.

Um, I don't--

how do you quantify pittance? I don't know.

You know, that's not why Kip and I are doing this.

You know, we're--it's more of-- we think it's, you know,

good for the-- can I ask you something?

- Yeah. - Are you at your home?

- Or is this an office? - Yeah, I'm at my home.

Oh, so you don't have an o-- you're not on staff at--

I do, um... I do freelance journalism.

I used to have a company where I did clutter busting.

But then my partner backed out,

so I started freelancing.

- Clutter busting? - 'Cause I like to--

- What is that? Like, hoarders? - I was a c--

people who hoard?

No, I would just do, uh, organize people's homes.

And then I needed to make some extra money,