Arrested Development

This is Michael Bluth.

For 10 years, he's worked for his father's company...

waiting to be made a partner.

And right now, he's happy.

- This is Michael's mother. - Look what they've done, Michael.

She isn't happy.

Look what the homosexuals have done to me.

You can't just comb that out and reset it?

Currently, she's upset that her husband's retirement party...

is being upstaged by a group of gay protesters.

We're here! We're queer! We want to get married on the ocean!

Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant.

It just makes me want to set myself on fire.

Good grief, Mother.

Not all homosexuals are flamboy...

Oh, my God! I have the exact same blouse.

This is Michael's twin sister, Lindsay.

I like it better on him.

As a youthful act of defiance, Lindsay married...

this man.

They moved to Boston, where they've become celebrated...

for their wine and cheese fund-raisers.

Oh, no. I'm completely stuffed.

Michael and his sister haven't spoken in a year.

Neither has acknowledged this.

And this is Gob, Michael's oldest brother.

So, this is the magic trick, huh?

Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money.

Or candy.

Gob recently started the Alliance of Magicians...

an organization that blackballs any performer...

who reveals a magician's secret.

And finally there's Buster...

- Hey, Buster. - The youngest of Michael's siblings.

You know, you don't need to do that, buddy. It's okay.

Thanks to the family's largesse, Buster has studied everything...

from Native American tribal ceremonies...

to cartography, the mapping of uncharted territories.

Hasn't everything already sort of been discovered, though...

by, like, Magellan and Cortés?

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - All those folks.

Those guys did a pretty good job...

but there's still, you know...

He also suffers from crippling panic attacks.

Yes, this is his family.

So why is Michael so happy?

Because he's decided to never speak to these people again.

Michael was feeling more generous about his family...

on the morning of the boat party.

What comes before anything? What have we always said is the most important thing?

- Breakfast. - Family.

Family. Right. I thought you meant of the things you eat.

This is Michael's son, George Michael.

I mean, we have made nothing but sacrifices for this family...

and tonight it all pays off, my boy.

Tonight your granddad makes me partner.

To prove his dedication to the family business...

Michael has decided to live here... in the model unit...

of his father's latest housing tract.

The guys live in the attic so that the house...

can still function as a pristine selling tool.

And when I do get that promotion...

I'll finally be able to get you what you deserve.

Like a real home.

This is a real home.

No, it's not. It's a fake home, son.

You want the loops or the flakes today?

The guys then headed down to Balboa Island...

so George Michael could work at the frozen banana stand...

his grandfather started in 1953.

Bananas.

Michael, meanwhile, was meeting his brother Gob...

hoping to discuss his father's boat party.

Do you have your check for your share of the party?

You know, I sort of thought my contribution...

could be a magic show.

- Oh, that's perfect, Gob. - Thank you.

I just remembered something. Dad's retiring, not turning six.

Hey, come on! I just bought this new illusion called the Aztec Tomb.

- It cost like 18 grand! I'm gonna do it on the boat. - I don't care.

What do you care? Can't you just charge the party to the company?

- It's not a business expense. - So what? Lindsay's been staying at the Four Seasons for a month.

She's probably charging the company.

Lindsay's been in town for a month?

I don't think so.

Michael was upset to hear this...

so he went to discuss it with his mother.

Mom! Mother! Give me your company checkbook. You're cut off.

Michael, look. Look what happened to my fox.

Someone cut off his little foot.

Is it... Is it noticeable?

You've gotta remember... you're gonna be all splattered in red paint.

That's gonna distract the eye.

I don't want you charging any more of your personal expenses to the company.

Well, I had to pay for the Aztec Tomb. Gob says it's a career maker.

Wait a minute. The company paid for the Aztec Tomb? That's great.

Well, I was talking about Lindsay, okay?

You put her in a five-star hotel, on top of which you didn't tell me she was in town.

If you're saying I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all my children equally.

I don't care for Gob.

Good grief. I dipped into the kitty a couple of times.

You should be focused on tonight.

Dad's making a big announcement.

Yeah? I knew it. It's about me, isn't it?

I wonder how I can talk you out of ever making that face again.

Michael!

Tobias.

How are you?

Good, good. How's your job search comin'?

- It's good. It's going to be good. - Yeah? Great.

I'm hoping the universe provides a path for me.

Tobias recently lost his medical license...

for administering C.P.R. to a person who, as it turned out...

was not having a heart attack.

Maybe you'll be inspired by the boat party tonight, start a career as a pirate.

I haven't packed for that.

- Couldn't find a thing. - Lindsay!

- Michael! - How was your flight?

- Great. Great. We just got in. - He knows.

A month ago. Oh, I'm sorry. I've been meaning to call you.

- I really have. - Really?

- It's just been very busy. - Ugh! It's been crazy.

We just had an amazing fund-raiser for HOOP.

- HOOP? - My anti-circumcision movement.

I think it looks frightening when it's cut off.

It's a Doberman. Let it have its ears.

- Hmm. - Believe it or not...

we brought in over $40,000.

Unbelievable. Sounds like you saved enough skin to make 10 new boys.

Well, most of that money was from the Bluth Company.

I mean, how...

are you?

Still good. You know what?

You guys have had your hands in the company coffer for years.

But starting tomorrow, there is going to be a new boss in town...

and you're all gonna have to start fending for yourselves.

You're all gonna finally feel that sweet sting of sweat in your eyes.

As... Buster!

You can't do that on the balcony, buddy?

Mom says it's too windy.

Who could've done this?

While Michael was getting fed up with his family...

George Michael was finally getting to know them.

Um, yeah. I bought a frozen banana...

and when I bit into it, I found this.

- Looks like a foot. - It tasted like a foot.

Which I didn't really mind, but I'm pretty sure I said no nuts.

Hey, you're my cousin, aren't you?

Maybe.

This is George Michael's cousin, Maeby.

- I can't believe you didn't recognize me. - We never see you.

We never see anybody in our family.

I know. It's our parents' faults. We should teach them a lesson.

Yeah. No. I don't think so.

I should go to my mom tonight...

and be like, "I met the cutest guy."

And then she'll see you and me totally making out.

But... But not really, right?

It's perfect. She'd freak out...

and I'd be like, "If we saw each other more often, this wouldn't happen."

- But we're cousins. - That's what makes it funny.

- But isn't it against the law? - Come on, George Michael.

Tobias, now believing the boat party to be pirate-themed...

- You look like a pirate! - Began searching through his wife's luggage for an outfit.

I should say so! Look at the blouse, sir!

Then, mistaking a group of garishly dressed men for pirates...

Tobias boarded a van full ofhomosexuals.

Soon he was unwittingly part of a protest against the local yacht club.

How are you?

Oh, my God! I have the exact same blouse.

I like it better on him.

And Michael's big moment finally came.

I give you the new C.E.O. for the Bluth Company.

Certainly the smartest Bluth.

My favorite Bluth.

And the, uh, sexiest creature I have ever laid eyes on.

My lovely wife, Lucille.

Mom!

Mom, congratulations!

Sorry. It's not the right time.

I'm not gonna lie to you, Michael. This is great news for HOOP.

Hey.

- You okay? - You and I, we've waited long enough.

It's time to move on. All right?

I guess we're gonna see you guys even less now.