House

It's okay, eileen. I got this.

- Are you sure? - Yeah. You get home.

Thanks, danny. See you in the morning.

I'll be here.

Food's gone, daryl. We're closed.

You wouldn't happen to have an extra coat in there, would you?

- You're wearing a coat. - A winter coat, man. It's cold.

Come on.

Here.

Rangers? You expect me to wear this in jersey?

Come on, man,where's your sense of humor?

Good night, daryl.

Go away.

That's not funny, freak.

No one is laughing,daniel.

You doing anything friday?

Taking a lovely young lady to the philharmonic.

That your way of saying you're having sex with a hooker?

Two. Can't create a harmonic with just one.

Well, I was hoping you might available for rachel's simchat bat. It's A...

jewish baby-naming ceremony, a time-honored tradition dating all the way back to the 1960s.

My house at 7:00.

It'll just be the rabbi and a few friends and some family.

Nothing like welcoming a baby into the world with a completely naked display of hypocrisy.

There'll be plenty of wine and nice people you can quietly mock.

Wish I could, but I already put down a deposit on 16 crates of jell-O.

House...

it's one evening. I'd like you to be there.

Religious hokum, get sponge bath.

Can I get back to you?

Can I help you?

Just browsing. Thanks.

Happy to be underachieving again?

Running the E.R.Is slacker heaven.

Looking for anything in particular?

Not anymore. Where's this guy?

- Why? - 'Cause he's my next patient.

It'd be rude of me not to introduce myself.

He's a drunk priest who hallucinated jesus.

Afraid you might have missed something?

Afraid you're everyone's time?

It's obviously either alcohol or exhaustion.

So you admit you have no idea which?

I admit that I'm too busy to care who you're screwing with.

Don't thank me. Just knowing I can be of assistance is thanks enough.

you went out of your way to pick him?

- This is nothing. - There are no small cases.

Any guesses where this joke is going?

- Could be psychomotor epilepsy... - could be alcohol.

Shouldn't we let the E.R.Rule the obvious out--

could be atropine toxicity, occipital lobe tumor.

You know something about this case you're not telling us?

Why would you think that?

'Cause you want to screw with us.

Or screw with a hallucinating priest.

Both are possible. There's only oneay to find out.

Run an E.E.G.For epilepsy. C.T. His brain for tumors.

And go check his house of god for toxins.

Fourteen, hold up.

This department is broken, and I'm not gonna take a real case until it's fixed.

Job or relationship-- your choice.

What?

To put iin terms you might better understand, if you don't split, you must quit.

The drug trial is over. M out, she's out.

Don't care.

We're adults. We can handle this. You just have to give us a chance.

No, you're not. No, you can'T. And no, I don'T.

Mull it over. You got until the end of this fake case to decide.

I wasn't drunk.

I had one or two drinks.

People often underestimate alcohol's effect on their--

I was on my way to six. I know how alcohol affects me. This wasn't the alcohol.

you lived in manhattan r three years.

Then a year in oregon, 18 months in new mexico, less than a year in wisconsin,

and now you've been living in trenton for the last six months.

Yep.

The more we know about you, the more likely it is we can help you.

Mm, it's not medically relevant, so--

no way to know unless you went to medical school.

Four years ago, a teen in a youth group at my church accused me of inappropriate contact.

I was innocent, but the church decided to transfer me.

Said it would be easierfor all involved.

When the parishioners at the new church got wind of why I'd been transferred,

they were unhappy.

I was sent off again and again, and how is any of that medically relevant?

So the kid lied?

He was confused.

Confused whether you molested him or not?

Okay, you wanted to know why I moved around so much,and I told you.

How about telling me why I was hallucinating?

Syphilis could explain the hallucination.

I'm not sexually active.

You don't have to admit you did anything with the kid. You weren't always a priest.

I wanted to be since I was 12. I entered the seminary when I was 17.

Maybe it wasn't a hallucination. Maybe it really was jesus.

I'm not insane.

seeing jesus makes you insane?

A bit of an odd attitude coming from a priest.

Well, it's just a job now. The fairy tale ended a long time ago.

You're a wuss--part wimp, part puss.

I have no choice. I'm part of the ceremony.

I thought you were already circumcised.

It's one night for a friend.

What about the friend who has two tickets to see brubeck at the blue note?

- I thought you had an orgy planned. - I lied.

Are you lying about the brubeck tickets?

Yes, but only to save you from yourself.

I'll be fine and so will Cuddy if you don't show up.

I'm surprised she even invited you.

It is oddly flattering.

God, I'm so sick of his stupid stunts.

Everybody has to put up with their boss's stupid stunts.

No, they don't.

There's H.R. There're Cuddy. There's other jobs.

House doesn't listen to H.R.

Cuddy will let him fire us before she fires him, and I don't want another job.

Why do you cling thim? Why do you defend him?

Just because I don't want to be unemployed doesn't mean I'm codependent.

I'm not saying you're codependent. I'm saying you're scared.

You know what?

You're right.

So you want to quit?

No, I want to stop a stupid stunt.

House doesn't want either one of us to quit. He wants this.

He's got two lab rats in a maze and thrown in one piece of cheese.

S--so what do we do?

Nothing.

- cool. - It's cool he's a child molester?

It's cool the priest doesn't believe in god.

It's cool that god did to him what he did to the kid.

Allegedly.

- You think he's innocent? - He had honest eyes?

And you think he's guilty, which explains why you're dying to discharge him.

I'm dying to discharge him because he's not sick, not because he's a pedophile.

Allegedly.

You actually believe the kid got confused?

If everybody lies,that includes teenage boys.

aren't we luck to have such an interesting patient?

Had--there's nothing wrong with him.

The world's most boring case just became a page turner.

You want to tear out the last chapter?

You want to examine his character, go to a soup kitchen.

We are done testing him for things he doesn't have.

Bad news for Foreman and thirteen.

- case is over. - We're not splitting up.

So which one of you is taking a hike?

And neither of us is quitting.

Interesting.

You were fine with chase and cameron dating.

- You obviously don't actually have an issue-- - you're fired.

How long are you gonna keep this up? We know you're not--

wrong... again.

In fact, in the last few weeks, it's hard to remember a correct call you made.

If chase had compromised his professional judgment to help cameron,I'd have fired his ass, too.

When my mistake blew up, you did everything to keep me from contacting the drug company.

To save your lense,not your job and definitely not your relationship.

So, badge.

Fine.

Why don't you see if you can find us a real case?

How can you discharge me when you have no idea what's wrong?

We know what's wrong, and now that you've slept it off...

It's not just a hallucination.

I feel nauseous.

My foot feels numb like it's fallen asleep.

You didn't mention that before.

I didn't notice it before.

Are you hiding from someone?

Why are you so intent on staying here?

I don't feel well. I know there's something wrong with me.

Which foot?

My left.

Oh, god.

What the hell is that? What is that?

Your toe just fell off.

Must be my lucky day.

New symptom means the dsymptom was a real symptom, and I get to keep our pederast priest after all.

Where are Foreman and thirteen?

They left.

Leprosy can cause necrosis and hallucination.

Why would they leave?

Because Foreman doesn't work here anymore, and thirteen is mad that I fired him.

Don't worry. She'll be back. She'll be pissed off. She'll want to take a stand.

And then Foreman will convince her that there's no reason both of them should be out of a job.

Leprosy's a bad fit.

Why'd you fire Foreman?

I gave him a choice-- split or quit.

He chose neither.

What about ergotism?

He's giving up his career for her?

He's giving up this career for her.

No, normal white blood count.

Carbon monoxide poisoning?

They're good doctors.

Separately,they're great doctors, better than you.

Together, they're morons.

Go check out the house that they would've checked had this been a real case.

And page thirteen. Tell her to run the blood for c-O.

And get the priest in a hyperbaric chamber before anything else falls off.

So what are we gonna do now?

I get a letter of recommendation from Cuddy an find a new job.