Kidding

Previously on Kidding...

I want do a show about death.

I don't think you're ready to talk about that.

What are you doing here?

She did not leave you because Phil died.

She left you because you're a pussy.

Do you think I should get an apartment

closer to the house?

- P-Hound. - Yeah.

What does the P stand for?

Jeff needs to heal. Mr. Pickles is fine.

So what do you think?

It's perfect.

[tool whirring, metal squeaking]

speaking Spanish

Es Uke-Larry...

speaking Spanish

speaking Spanish

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[metal squeaking, tools whirring]

Did you ever feel like there's nothing to do?

Well,

that's how Ennui Le Triste is feeling right now.

Let's take a trip to Pickle Barrel Falls

and see if we can help.

See you at the bottom.

Whoa.

Bonjour, Ennui!

speaking French

Crusty, as usual.

Bored, bored, bored!

- Everything that I... - They're gonna laugh at me.

I've already done before.

Well, if they laugh at you...

they're gonna get a real kick out of me.

I'm sure we can think of something.

I mean, just think of all the toys you have at home.

How did you get out of the television?

Actually, the hard part isn't getting out.

It's getting back in.

You want to touch my head?

Dare you.

Eww, creepy!

Can I touch yours?

Let me see yours.

Oh, dude, that's so cool!

You got a fade going.

That's really neat.

That's my best friend in the whole world

in the doorway.

Does she look excited to see me?

No.

Hey.

I don't want you to be nervous,

but tomorrow, there's gonna be a lot of Jell-O.

I hope you can handle it.

Mom,

I think Mr. Pickles has brain cancer too.

Who's the man in your life that isn't me?

What happened to your hair?

How long have you been seeing him?

We've been together a couple months.

- It's casual. - I think Will

should stay at my house one more night a week.

I think one night a week is working.

I want healthy decisions for us, not casual ones.

It's very soon to let a man into our home,

into Phil's home--Will's home. Sheesh.

Actually, it's good that you're here,

to have a conversation about setting boundaries.

You mean distance?

I found out what the P in P-Hound stands for.

Now every time I see the letter P,

I think of the word "pussy," and it haunts my head.

I used to call Phil "my little P-nugget,"

and now I hear "pussy-nugget,"

and I can't call him that in my daydreams anymore.

You can set boundaries too.

Like our shared checking account.

I'm gonna ask you if I can buy a new car,

- and you can say no. - Why do you need a new car?

I'd like to not drive the same model minivan

the insurance company coughed up,

and I'm done pretending that there isn't money

to spend on myself.

You should get whatever

makes you and Will comfortable.

Thanks. Thank you.

Maybe I'll come over later,

meet your new guy.

I'll make one of those sour cream-blueberry pies

that I make that you like.

- No! - Anyway...

Good luck with all your new decisions.

Did you really shave your head for that kid?

No, silly.

Is there a way to tell if, you know, somebody's gay?

- Course you can. - How?

You just ask them. I mean,

I would say hello first.

Yeah. Turn them upside down.

If they curl up into a ball, they're gay.

Hi, everybody.

Fuck.

What--what's happening?

I'm confused.

W-where were you that there were so many bees?

Can you give us a second, Derrell?

Oh, my God.

What happened to your face?

What happened to yourself?

I thought we could make this a season

about things that are missing, like hair.

Oh.

We can impart the idea that change

is a good thing. It's okay.

Who we are is so much greater

than what happens to us.

And for the last show,

we take the death episode off the shelf,

and we air it,

and we say, "This happened!

And I'm still me."

You look like you are about to climb a Texas tower

- and shoot people. - Don't say that.

You look like Lee Harvey Oswald's

creative younger brother.

You look like Shooty the Clown.

I am the Pope in a Speedo.

I am the Oreo cookie without its creamy center,

but if you dip me in milk, I'm still a mouthful of yummy.

The affiliate stations air us out of order.

Don't you think it's gonna be just a little confusing

for the children when one day, Jeff Pickles has hair,

and the next day, he's paved a sidewalk

down the center of his head?

I don't care.

They can air it out of order.

PBS is gonna get the impression

that you are mentally unfortified.

Please, don't put me in this position

with the network.

They're gonna shelve us for six weeks

while your hair grows back.

Think of all the people you'll put out of work.

We call it a Tiger Stripe.

Ah.

Where does it come from?

Russian women with very few opportunities.

How's that look, Mr. P.?

Really wish you wouldn't call me that.

Just Jeff. Jeff is fine.

Don't go anywhere, Jeff.

We're strong men.

We keep the struggle inside.

You had an off day.

When Amika's done, no one will be able to see you're slipping.

That's a secret I'll keep between us.

I bought the house next to Jill's.

And why would you do that?

They need me,

even if they don't know they need me.

Jill has a black hole inside her.

It's swallowing her sunshine.

She's trying to fill it with red wine and penises,

and Will's smoking reefer like a jazz musician.

He has no one to open up to. No healthy friends.

If he doesn't have me to share his inner life with,

his imagination could die.

Did you tell them you did this?

I'm sure it'll be odd at first,

but when I show up, knock on the door,

with my blueberry- sour cream pie,

and I say, "Hey, friends.

I'm your new neighbor,"

we'll find our footing.

And you don't think they'll

see all that as just...

a little bit aggressive?

I saw Jill hugging another man,

or he was hugging her.

You mean fucking.

No. Regular hugging.