The Paper

Yo, man, we outta here.

See you later.

See you later.

That ain't a party, man.

Yeah, that party tonight's gonna be slamming.

Yo, what you wearing? I don't know.

Better look good tonight, you know what I'm saying?

That music is dead, yo.

Those guys sleeping or something?

Elevator music'll knock you out. Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

Hey, man, I wouldn't be caught sleeping here, not this time of night.

Shh! Not around here.

Think we should wake them up, or what?

Shit, man! Shit!

The fuck's going on, man?

Don't touch it!

No, wait! Come on, man. Run!

(ON RADIO) All news, all the time. This is WINS.

You give us 22 minutes, we'll give you the world.

It's already 83 degrees in Central Park,

working its way up to a downtown high of 95.

At the top of the news this morning,

racial tensions flare again,

this time in Williamsburg,

where two white, out-of-town businessmen

were gunned down outside a restaurant,

a racial slur spray-painted on their car,

in apparent retaliation for the murder

of a black youth last week in Greenpoint.

Police are said to be searching for two suspects.

Keep your radio tuned to 1010 WINS for updates.

1010 WINS, all news,

news whenever you need it,

because your whole world can change in 24 hours.

WINS news time, 7:00.

Nice pajamas, Henry.

Mad at me?

Why should I be mad?

Guy gets home from work at 4:00 in the morning.

Why would that make anyone mad?

Scale of one to 10.

4:00 a.m. in the morning!

That was about a seven.

Japanese automakers insist there's no way out...

Why don't you just pour battery acid down your throat, Henry?

No caffeine.

Well, Daily News kind of kicked your butt today, didn't it?

"Welcome to New York, you're dead."

Ah, they got that? Mmm-hmm.

How'd they get that? That happened out in Brooklyn at midnight.

I can't believe this.

Did Newsday... I don't wanna...

Did they... Did Newsday? Don't show me.

They got it. I don't wanna see the Post.

What do you guys have today? Oh! "No parking except for me."

Really, Henry. McDougal's gotta go after

the poor parking commissioner again?

Good shot, though, isn't it?

Oh! (CHUCKLING)

That's great art!

Look at that! Sandusky double-parked in front of his office.

Hon! Look! You're missing it.

Parking commissioner of the whole city, double-parked, no ticket.

And as a New Yorker this doesn't enrage you?

Sweetie, it's horseshit!

I know it's horseshit!

We tried to get the damn Brooklyn thing,

but Wilder won't answer his beeper.

He's up there jerking off or something.

Oh! Oh.

You okay?

You never really appreciate bladder control until it's gone.

Oh, boy.

Sorry, hon.

Ooh, look at that Sentinel headline.

See? This kind of stuff is just shameless.

"Nepal premier won't resign." That is, uh...

They're just trying to sell newspapers.

That's sensationalism, Marty, and I won't be a party to it.

I miss everybody.

Say hi to everybody for me.

Everybody except Alicia. Who else do I hate?

You're not gonna go nuts again today, are you, hon?

No, no, no, no, no. That was a one-time thing.

I've got a million projects.

I never even get to finish a book when I'm reporting.

Or the baby's room. I really want to get to that dresser.

Yeah. I gotta go.

Now, if you weren't making a sacrifice, too, that would be different.

That would be a lot different.

I know. You gonna call me later?

Wear a tie for the interview.

And promise me you won't torpedo it on purpose, okay?

Why would I torpedo it?

Henry, you know those days that can change your whole life?

This is one of them for us.

For good or bad,

it can happen either way today.

So, you know, don't blow it.

I'm not...

I gotta go to work.

You're not taking my car!

You parking fascist!

You tell Sandusky we're not gonna take it anymore!

Goddamn parking cop!

Towed my car three times.

Yeah, I know. That's brutality.

Henry? Henry, I gotta... Can we...

Morning, Phil.

Is it just me, or are our lives becoming a nightmare?

What have you got for me, Henry?

Donald Trump jumped off a building, landed right on Madonna.

And then they all went to Elaine's.

This guy's sticking with that story, huh?

Yeah. He's a real yo-yo.

There's already another...

Hey, Lou. How you doing? How you feeling?

How am I doing? You wanna see the bruise on my leg?

Aw, you'll be fine.

Hey, Wilder, you really did do...

This is nice.

What's the plural of "ultimatum"?

Yes, yes. I don't know what happened last night.

Don't complain. They already called the air-conditioning guy.

Alicia wants to see you before the staff meeting.

She's the managing editor, Henry.

"Ultimatums" or "ultimata"?

Both. She's not going away.

Smart guys say "ultimate."

We're gonna go with "ultimatums."

(SINGING) You say ultimata, I say ultimatum

Hey, uh, what's the matter with Phil?

Looks like he sat on something sharp.

Well, you told him he could have Richard's old desk, right?

Right. And now you promised it to Carmen.

Are you completely psychotic? Well, I have episodes.

Nothing serious.

Phil is still pissed you wouldn't approve

his $600 orthopedic chair.

And now, with this desk thing?

He's convinced it's a conspiracy

to prevent him from sitting down.

Hackett. Hello.

Henry, it's Alicia.

Oh, hi. Alicia. Alicia?

Listen, I want to see you in my office...

Alicia, is that you?

- Because I'm having a hard time hearing you. - Henry? Henry?

Are you in the tunnel or something?

I can hear you perfectly fine.

- Yeah, there's a lot of static. - Henry? Hello?

- I can't... I'm losing you. - Henry!

- Henry? Henry! - Are you in the tunnel?

I can't... Can you?

- We can't hear you. - Henry? Hello?

Hey! Okay, hey, you know, call...

We'll see you when you get in, okay?-Hello? Hello?

Okay, all right. Okay. All right.

I love car phones.

What, are the presses running?

Yeah, Sunday travel section. Here, sign these.

Tell me what you want to do about Phil.

Who's that?

That's McDougal.

What the hell's he doing?

Sleeping.

He says he can't go home. Somebody wants to kill him.

Hey, Mac!

Mac!

Who's trying to kill you now? - Sandusky.

The parking guy? Over a couple of lousy columns?

My columns aren't lousy.

Geez, give it up, would you?

Man, can't you get it out of your system?

So they towed your car. They scratched it up a little.

Hey. $6,000.

$6,000 damage to a vintage automobile.

Okay, you're ranting now, babe.

I bust my ass to find something fresh, and when I get it,

I bang it like a cheap drum. People love this shit.

You should read my mail.

Hey, turn that scanner down, will you?

How in the hell you supposed to sleep around here?

Gee, gee, what are these?

Oh, subway wreck, West Fourth Street this morning.

Did you find the one with the... Is that an arm?

Oh, yeah, you found it.

Aw, you know, don't put these on my desk in the morning, okay?

Not until I've had three Cokes, okay?

Morning, Kathy. Hey, Henry. Henry?

Three Cokes, then a picture. That's the rule. What?

You know what's going on in Fort Greene? (PHONE RINGING)

Two dozen cops hassling anybody with a black face and a record

on this Williamsburg murder thing.

If there's gonna be a riot, which I think there is,

then we should have somebody there.

Unless, of course, you wanna get stomped

two days in a row on the same story.

"Get stomped two days." That's funny.

Doesn't anybody say "good morning" anymore?