Kim's Convenience

Hit me with one of them scratch and wins.

- Is that one you car? - Huh?

- Which one? - Red Toyota, no parking zone.

Is that one you car?

No, man. I don't even own a car.

- I'll take these two. - Hmm.

If you don't have car, why you ask "Which one?"

when I ask, "Is that one you car?"

I don't know.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

- Huh. Here's your lunch, Appa.

Okay, see you.

Janet. Call police.

- What happened? - Car is no parking zone.

- Talk to police. - Let me guess...

- It's a Honda? - No.

- Mitsubishi? - No.

Okay, it's Toyota, but still, no parking zone!

How many times do I have to tell you, Appa?

Japanese people aren't the only ones

- Janet, 1910, Japan attack Korea.

You buy Japanese, you is guilty by associationship.

What about your Canon SLR camera?

Appa get half price.

Your money still went to Japan.

Half price, I rip off Japan. Talk to police.

Uh... Why don't you just call them yourself?

Police hear accent, they don't take serious.

- Appa... - Janet! 1910,

- Japan attack Korea... - Okay, okay. I'll call.

Yeah. Never mind. Cancel order, we don't need.

-But there's an illegally parked car right there. -Ah.

But it's Hyundai. No problem.

- Hello, Mr. Kim. - Gerald.

Janet not here. Five dollar.

Well, actually, I was hoping I could ask you a favor.

Um...

Well...

You have a very interesting face.

And I would really love to take some pictures of it,

of you as a whole, for school.

I've seen you picture.

They is naked.

Oh. That was just one assignment...

No! I never do naked picture!

I... I... Just the neck up.

I know what you thinking.

"Oh, it's so hot, Mr. Kim, take off jacket.

"Oh, looking good, Mr. Kim, take off shirt.

"Everybody doing, Mr. Kim, take off panty."

I would not ask you to take off...

Then you sell to naked picture magazine

- for businessmen, huh? - Who?

- They like naked everything. - Okay.

Some magazine,

only for the foot.

I don't...

Foot in sock, foot with hair,

foot in shoe, naked foot... No shame. Out!

Gladly. Okay.

Hello.

Nice day, eh?

Of course I can cut out early.

My best friend's practically the boss here.

- Kimchee. - Yeah.

I kinda run the shop when he's not around

so it's no problem.

Yeah. Let me run home and get my jersey.

Hey, can I call you back?

What the hell, man?

I was just frontin'.

So, tell me about Phil.

Phil, yeah.

I've been meaning to talk to you about that guy.

He said that you tried to get him to chamois the cars.

Yeah. And he said no. Can you believe it?

Yo, we might have to fire his ass.

He said no, because it's not his job. It's yours.

He disrespects me, he disrespects you.

I'm the assistant to the assistant.

It's like nobody here gets that.

You're not my assistant. I don't have an assistant.

- I'm the assistant. - Don't run yourself down.

Kimch, we're friends

but you gotta stop taking advantage.

"Taking advantage"? By having your back?

These guys are lazy.

Lazy when it comes to doing your job.

Yo, you wouldn't even be working here

if it wasn't for me.

I appreciate that.

But I worked hard to get the bump up

and I'm not about to let you screw it up.

So I'm the screw up?

That's funny coming from a guy

who stole cell phones for a living.

- You stole cell phones too. - But I didn't get caught.

Yeah. I only got caught because you ran...

You know what?

Rest of the week, you're on urinal cake duty.

Old ones out, new ones in. Every day.

Oh. So, is this the way it's gonna be?

That's the way it is.

So, that's the way it is.

Get out of my office.

You got an office?

Go!

And 12 egg.

Yeah, I say like that.

Look, if I only want 12 egg, I say dozen.

If I want 12 dozen egg, I say 12 egg.

Easy. Egg means dozen.

Dozen mean 12 egg.

What's you problem?

Hello? Hello?

I'm not even talking to anyone.

I'm still not interested, Gerald-paparazzi-boy.

Um, I'm actually just here to see Mrs. Kim.

Ah, she is for sure not interested in your naked picture.

No, I just need to show her something.

What?

Her photos.

After you declined, I asked Mrs. Kim

and she said yes.

You walk into my store,

like crazy porno picture-taker,

and tell me you take photo of my wife?

- Yes but, I... Okay. - Give!

- They're not naked photos! - Give!

- I cannot stress that enough. - And negative too.

It's all digital. And tasteful.

- Password. - It's, uh... I'll just...

- Password. - I'll show you.

I just show you. Password.

You're not supposed to give people your passwords.

It's not 1-2-3-4. Look, I...

Please, Mr. Kim.

You know what happen when too many bad password?

IPad lockdown.

You know how to fix iPad lockdown? Huh?

I don't know how to fix... Okay! Okay!

It's 4-3-2-1.

And then the photo folder is just there.

You take this photo?

Yeah.

It's good.

Thanks, Mr. Kim.

That's like the first time you've ever...

It's very good, Gerald.

Okay. I accept. Hmm?

What?

If you do this with Mrs. Kim,

think what you can do with an interesting face.

- Let's shoot. - You know what?

I'm already done the assignment.

- Hey. - Hey.

Look how beautiful. Huh?

Wow, that's amazing.

- Yeah, he do me next. - Who do what next?

I do him next, but I don't. I don't do him.

I... He wants me to take a picture of him,

but I can't, I got such a busy week.

Oh. Gerald play hardball, huh?

Okay. I commission you, take a picture of me.

Like Renaissance time.

I pay to you one pop, every day for rest of life.

I actually don't even like pop.

But do you like free pop?

It tastes identical. Why don't you just ask Janet?

That's okay, I'm pretty busy too.

Okay, two free pop. Final offer.

Hey, it's your call.

Um...

Okay, but can we change it to a bag of chips?

Small bag only. Ketchup chips not include.

Okay.

Okay, Janet, have a good shift, huh?

- Mmm-hmm. - I practice face exercise.

I'm just telling you what I heard.

And according to one of your colleagues,

they say you used your hands to anally penetrate...

What?

Hey, don't sexually harass the messenger.

- Not that you would. - No. No, I wouldn't.

Like, where's this coming from?

He's requested that his name, or she, her name,

or his, remain anonymous.

But this is a very serious complaint.

I think I know what this is about.

And it's just a huge misunderstanding.

I'm sure it is. I made it very clear

that you have never once been sexually inappropriate with me

or anybody else,

and I am very aware of that kind of thing.

It's called a "ddongjeem."

- Is that prison slang? - No, it's Korean.

So "ddong" means poop, and "jeem" means, uh, needle.

So, like a "poop needle."

It's the same as a wedgie.

Okay, uh, I'm picturing a wedgie