The Last Man on Earth

Previously on The Last Man on Earth ...

- Last man on Earth. - Last woman on Earth.

I'm not gonna have sex with you unless we're married.

- I do? - Oh...

Oh, my God.

I saw these billboards that said "alive in Tucson."

Hey.

Look, seven people left,

and two of them are named "Phil Miller"?

You were gonna leave Todd in the desert.

You're done here, Tandy.

Tucson's my home.

Don't even think about coming back to Tucson.

- So, where should we go? - You're staying with me?

You had a brother? I didn't know that.

Phil, I got the tequila!

All right. Can I drive?

Carol, it's very complicated.

We should go back and get that bomb.

- Carol... - Phil...

I knew you were gonna say that.

I don't know how to put a bomb back in that little thingy.

We're Americans.

We put a man on the Moon.

Fine, if you want to go back and get the bomb,

we'll go back and get the bomb.

That won't be necessary, Phil. It's fine.

Just the fact that you offered is good enough for me.

You know what?

How about tomorrow I go back to that parking lot

and I drop a little caution cone in front of it?

Thank you, Phil.

And that's why you're the bomb.

Come here, give me some sugar.

Oh! Insurance company is gonna hear about that one.

Oh.

USA! USA!

USA! USA!

So lonely.

Wish I had somebody to make out with.

I may be able to help you with that.

Ben Franklin?

You just made me discover electricity in my shorts.

Get in here.

Stick your copper tongue down my mouth!

And, in short, my position on Syria is, uh... don't know.

The situation is very Syri-ous.

Boom, I still got it.

Next question. Yes. Brice.

My position on Tucson and its inhabitants remains the same.

Tucson can suck it, and you can go ahead and suck it for asking. Next question.

Diego.

Yes, I did fart.

Dolly Madison.

You little vixen.

Rawr.

Jackie O-no-you-didn't!

Yes, I did.

Oh, hi.

Michelle Obama.

Talk about winning the arms race.

Phil, I just said something really funny!

Put that bill into committee, Phil.

Put it in there.

Are you filibustering? Yeah, I'm filibustering.

Phil-ibustering? Get it, Phil?

'Cause your name is Phil.

No, yeah, I get it, Carol. Uh-huh. Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Good.

We cannot let that vote pass.

- Not on our watch. - There's too much pork in that bill.

- Way too much pork. - Block that vote.

- I'm blocking it! - Block it!

Carol, I'm sorry, but I think I'm about to put it to a vote!

Okay, I'm about to put it to a vote, too.

Let's vote on it together, huh? All in favor, say...

Aye...!

So what do you think of this place?

It's not too shabb-ay, right?

- Yeah. - It's very nice.

Good. I'm glad you feel that way.

'Cause I was thinking that tomorrow,

maybe we could unpack all our bags

and make this our permanent home.

Oh...

I don't know if I want to commit to living in the White House, Phil.

What more could you want out of a home?

I mean, it's the flippin' White House.

I know.

It's just...

it doesn't feel right.

The White House doesn't feel right.

- What? - It's just...

you know, we've been to Graceland and Dollywood,

Oprah's, LeBron's,

and none of them have "felt right."

And that's fine.

But I'm just getting kind of sick

of all the driving around.

I know, Phil.

It's just...

this isn't home.

Not home. Okay, okay, okay.

The search continues.

Good night.

Good night.

28.6 north.

15.26...

west.

Another goose egg.

Thanks a lot, Canary Islands.

You couldn't give me, like,

one living person?

There's got to be someone out there.

Right, Terry?

No comment? Okay. Nancy, what about you?

Wow, you guys.

Guys are real quiet today.

Okay, I'm gonna go masturbate.

Do me a favor... turn your guys' heads, please. Thank you.

Plug your ears, too.

Bye, Stealth Bomber.

Bye, White House!

How long do I have to wear this blindfold?

- Well, until we get there. - Where are we going?

I can't tell you. 'Cause it's a...

Surprise!

- Welcome to Delaware. - Oh! My old apartment?

Phil, you didn't.

Well, gee, let me give you the grand tour.

So this is my knitting group. We were known as KWA: Knitters With Attitude. (gasps)

And these are my roommates, Bernice Wu and Glen Sawchuck.

We called ourselves Sawchuck's Angels.

Our mission? Friendship.

Oh, and here's my parents, Carol and Marsha.

- Oh, your dad was named Carol, too? - No, Marsha.

Moving on.

And this is Glen's room.

He was trying not to get the virus.

He got it.

And this is Bernice's room.

And that's her skeleton.

God, Carol.

Oh, no, she studied anatomy.

- Oh. Okay. - Yeah.

And this is my room.

Each object in here is hand-crafted by myself as a cherished tribute to a friend

or family member who died from the virus.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it's, uh,

it's really, uh...

something.

Yeah. Yeah.