White Christmas

Stop the Jeep, Sergeant.

What's this all about, Captain?

A little entertainment for the men, sir. Tonight's Christmas Eve.

These men are moving up tonight, General Waverly.

They should be lined up for full inspection.

You're absolutely right. There's no Christmas in the Army, Captain.

Yes, sir.

There's always a slip-up or two during a change in command.

The men get a little loose.

- I know I'm leaving them in good hands. - Thank you, General.

Sergeant, take me to headquarters immediately.

You'll have those men turned out on the double.

- Sergeant, take the shortcut. - Yes, sir.

That's not the way back to headquarters.

Joe, you know that and I know that, but the general doesn't know it.

At least he won't for about an hour and a half.

That sergeant will be a private in the morning.

Yes. Isn't he lucky?

- -

- -

Well, that just about wraps it up, fellas.

Certainly too bad General Waverly couldn't have been here

for this little Yuletide clambake, but...

'Cause we really had a slam-bang finish cooked up for him.

I guess you know by now

that he's being replaced by a new commanding general

fresh out of the Pentagon.

That's not a very nice Christmas present, is it,

for a division like us that's moving up?

The old man's moving toward the rear.

That's a direction he's never taken in his entire life.

Well, all I can say is we owe an awful lot to General Waverly...

Attention!

Captain Wallace, who's responsible

for holding a show in this advanced area?

- Well, sir, as a matter of fact... - It was me, sir.

Me, sir. It was my idea, sir.

Uh, I mean, when you've got an entertainer, sir,

of the caliber of Captain Wallace, sir...

Uh, I mean, sir, it's Christmas Eve, sir, and...

Well, sir, I mean that if you were in New York, sir,

you'd have to pay $6.60 or even $8.80 to see

or hear a great singer like Captain Wallace, sir.

I'm well aware of Captain Wallace's capabilities.

- Who are you? - Uh, Phillip Davis, sir.

Private first class, sir.

- Well, at ease, Davis. - Yes, sir.

- I said, "At ease!" - Oh, uh...

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

This division is now under the command of General Harold G. Carlton.

I don't want you to forget it, not that he'll let you.

He's tough, just what this sloppy outfit needs.

He'll have you standing inspection night and day.

You may even learn how to march.

And if you don't give him everything you've got,

I may come back and... fight for the enemy.

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

Well, I guess all I can say is how much I...

- What a fine outfit. -

How am I going...?

Don't just stand there. How do I get off?

Just happen to have a slam-bang finish, sir.

- -

- Look out. It's about to come down. - Get down!

- - Put me down!

You all right, Davis?

Yeah, I'm all right, sir. It's just my arm, sir.

What do you...?

- This looks pretty bad. - It's nothing but a scratch.

- Hey, Davis, how you feeling? - Oh, pretty good, Captain.

I just dropped by to thank you for saving my life.

- Well, it was a life worth saving, sir. - Well, I appreciate it.

I want you to know something, Davis.

Anytime I can do anything for you, anytime, any place,

- you just pick up a phone, huh? - Thank you, sir.

- So long, Davis. Sorry. I'll see you. - That's all right, Captain.

Uh, Captain, uh, you could do one little tiny favor for me.

- What's that? - Well, sir, I've, uh,

I've kind of written a little song, you see,

and I thought, perhaps, when we get back to the States,

when this is all over, you know, I thought maybe if you put this song

in your act, it might be a big hit for you.

- Why, sure. Just pick up the phone. - Yeah. Captain, I, uh,

I just happen to have it with me right here.

- This it? - Yeah.

Well, this is for two people. It's a duet.

Yeah. It needs two people, two dynamite entertainers.

But I work alone. I do a single.

Who do you figure on for the other hunk of dynamite?

Well, uh, I happen to know a fellow, Captain.

He's pretty funny in living rooms, kind of has a fair voice, you know, and I...

- How about me? - Well, I do a single, you see.

Yeah, well... That's all right, Captain.

I wouldn't want you to feel any special obligation in any way.

Oh, well. OK, Dynamite, we'll give it whirl.

- OK, Captain. Bye. - Good luck.

Keep it bubbling now, girls.

- Phil, can I see you for a minute? - Yeah.

- Hello, honey. Hi. - Hi.

- You know Doris? - Yeah.

- Hi. - Hi. Hi. Oh, fine.

On stage, girls! On stage. Finale.

Albert, did you get the notice drawn up?

- Yes, sir. Show lays off tonight. - Good boy.

Cast and crew get ten days off with pay.

Gee, they'll go wild. Nicest Christmas present anybody ever had.

Well, they deserve it. You got the tickets for New York?

Well, a little rough for the holiday traffic,

but I pulled a few strings, got you and Mr. Davis on the 1 :00 train.

- Tickets are on the way over. - Good enough.

- Put that on the bulletin board. - Sign this, Bob.

OK. Say, if you want us for anything in New York,

we'll be at Radio City. We'll be rehearsing there

- for the Ed Harrison Television Show. - Yes, sir.

Too bad you and Mr. Davis couldn't get a little rest.

Oh, man, I wasn't about to turn this down.

This is a great big, fat plug for the show.

- Bring the tickets when they come. - Yes, sir.

- Edna, the light of my life! - Bob?

Can I see you a minute?

- You know Doris, friend of Rita's. - Another one, huh?

- How do you do? - Mutual, I'm sure.

I thought before train time, we'd get a bite to eat

- and have a few laughs or something. - No, I can't make it.

I'm afraid you can't either. We got some business to take care of.

- What kind of business? - We got to go look at an act.

- Look at an act? - Some other time, I hope?

Well, I like that! Without so much as a "Kiss my foot" or "Have an apple!"

That does it. That's the last time I'm gonna dig up a date for him.

And from now on, you can do your dirty work yourself.

Yeah, well, excuse me one minute, will you, kids?

Wallace, I think it's time you and I had a little talk.

Yeah, it's a good idea, buster. If you don't mind, I'll lead off.

- Now, wait a minute. - You wait a minute.

You know something, for about three months now,

you've been clumsily trying to entangle me with some female.

- All I'm trying to do... - Fat ones, tall ones, thin ones.

Doesn't make any difference, as long as they're wearing skirts,

a little mascara and still breathing, you ran them at me.

Believe me, it's for your own good.

- For my own good? - Yeah. Let's face it, Bob,

- you're a lonely, miserable man. - What?

And you're unhappy, too, and when you're unhappy, I'm unhappy.

After all, I feel a strong sense of responsibility to you, Bob,

- ever since the day I... - Not again with that life-saving bit.

- Well, if you'd rather forget it... - How can I? You won't let me.

Since you saved my life, you decided you had the right to run it.

You've ootzed me along every step of the way.

You've hammered, drove, pushed, shoved.

And if that wasn't enough,

you'd look at me with those great big cow eyes of yours,

point at that phony arm, and I'd melt and go along!

- I don't expect any gratitude. - You're gonna get it.

We did great, and I'm grateful.

So, thank you. Thank you, Phil Davis, from the bottom of my heart.