Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

- Salem. - Oh! Glee-club!

Oh man, don't do that to me.

Sorry, but I need a favour.

See, I haven't had a date in weeks..

- No. - Come on, you've done it before.

Well I'm not doing it again.

I'll make it worth your while.

Okay, but it's gonna cost you.

Here's your cat ma'am.

I can't believe he did that.

Bad Kitty.

Cat's aren't the brightest animals.

You are so right. Aw!

- Are you okay? - Yeah I'm fine.

Now how can I ever thank you?

Oh look, a freshly baked, home made seven layer cake.

Would you like some?

Was it made by a single gal?

Yes sir-e

Then I'll just put my ladder away and be right back.

Good work Salem.

Show me the Tuna.

Show me the Tuna.

Say I love the black cat.

I love the black cat.

I can't hear you.

- I LOVE THE BLACK CAT. - I LOVE THE BLACK CAT.

Sabrina, the Teenage Witch 1x24: Troll Bride

Yes, genetics will be on the final.

Everything we study the semester will be on the final.

Including what mitosis is.

It's not fair.

We only get three days to learn a whole semester's worth of biology.

I guess we were supposed to be learning it all along.

I wish I could read my notes.

Can you decipher this?

'Mitosis is...' Nope.

I'm doomed.

Look, you can borrow my notes.

We'll get through finals together.

Well, if it isn't the cutest couple in the sophomore class.

Jeez Libby, you're really running out of insults.

No. I'm on the year book committee and I just thought you'd like to know

you've been voted cutest couple.

I'd like to thank the academy.

You're being very brave about this Sabrina,

considering the curse.

What curse?

Every couple who ever won the award

broke up by the first day of finals.

That's ridiculous

And sad.

Well you don't think there's a curse do you?

No, we're solid as a rock.

Curses belong in fairy tales along with giant beanstalks and witches.

Zelda, will you do me a favour and choke on this bread?

- What? - I can't think of any other way

to see my fireman again.

You choke, he Hiemlich's, we go dancing.

Hilda, it's wrong to distract a fireman from his public duty.

Hey, I pay taxes.

Oh thank goodness you're home.

- Choke on this. - Gladly.

Stop that.

Is everything okay?

It depends on whether curses are real or not.

You see Harvey and I got voted the cutest couple...

No, OH NO!

What

Oh that's nothing, she's just excited for you.

And don't you worry about this curse,

- you're going to be fine. - Really?

Absolutely.

Cool. Then all I have to worry about is finals.

What are you saying?

You know curses count double for witches.

Yes, but there's nothing Sabrina can do about it

and knowing just makes it worse.

Curses!

Hurry up Sabrina, you're gonna miss the bus.

Salem, have you seen my biology notes?

No. The sports sections lying in my box this week.

Oh, but I need them!

Chill little witch.

Just use the finding spell in your magic book.

Ah, here we go.

'Finder of lost things, help me find

my enter lost item here..

' Oh. 'Finder of lost things, help me find my biology notes.'

- I'm here. - Who are you?

Roland, finder of lost things

number one thirty-four.

Nice to meet you.

If you could sign this contract I'll be happy to get right to work.

It's really long.

That's just to cover us in the event I get trapped under something heavy.

There.

Okay. Stand back please.

Ah ha! I found your notes,

and fifty cents.

Thanks.

Here you go. Get yourself something nice.

I'm not looking for a gratuity,

just my standard fee,

- What's that? - Anything in this room.

It says so right in that contract.

Anything? Well I have quite a selection.

How about this lovely paper weight?

I don't need a paper weight.

How's this bed?

Hmm kinda lumpy.

Oh I love this clock radio.

Could you hurry up? I'm late for class.

You know,

you're kinda cute when you pout.

Could you just decide?

Okay, I know what I want.

- You. - Me!

I want your hand in marriage.

I'm only sixteen.

I know you're kinda old but... that's okay.

Idon'thavetimejusttnow. There'satrollinmyroom.

I'lltellyouaboutitlater.

Did she say Troll?

Testinal peristaltic action moves food through the body,

making digestion both a mechanical and chemical process.

Yes, Jenny?

Did we even study that?

For a week!

Who's that?

Oh no!

How may I help you?

I'm here to see Sabrina. Personal matter.

She's in the middle of class.

I'll wait. Mind if I have a seat?

Ah, He's an actor.

You can catch him at the renaissance fare.

Can we get back to learning?

How long is the large intestine?

- Oh, oh, Go me! Go me! - Yes?

The large intestine is over two miles long.

- No it's not. - Yes it is.

It's five feet max.

- What do you know? - He's the teacher.

I'm telling you, human beings do not have four stomachs.

Well let's open you up and find out.

Leave me alone.

That's all for today.

I'm not finished yet.

Who is that guy?

Oh, it's a really funny story.

I'll tell you about it later. Gotta go.

So. Do you want a big wedding or just the family?

We're not getting married.

Hey Harvey, come sit with us.

- Who's that? - My boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

- Hi guys. - Harvey, this is Roland.

Nice to meet you.

Get lost, farm boy.

Farm boy? I've never been on a farm in my life.

Well I find that hard to believe, farm boy.

My names Harvey.

Harvey, the farm boy.

Why don't you back off!

Why don't you make me?

It's go time, Goober.

I'm not going to fight you.

Oh Chicken,

Make you think of the farm, farm boy?

- That's it! - Stop!

Roland, quit it and get off the table.

Sabrina, what's going on?

It's a funny story. I'll tell you about it later.

Come on. Come on.

I think you could have taken him.

That was surreal.

I have no idea what just happened.

Oh, it's the curse.

I'm afraid you and Sabrina are going down.

Why did we have to be so cute?

Now get in there and no more fights, do you understand?

Okay! Okay! Henpecked already...

and I love it.

I'm exhausted.

D'you mind if I make myself comfortable?

So she did say troll.

What's he doing here?

I'll tell you in the kitchen.

Go! Go!

So what do I do now?

We'd better call a lawyer,

this contract looks authentic.

Do you know any troll specialists?

We'll look one up in the purple pages.

Stuart Clarkson here.

You have a legal emergency?

A troll has asked for my hand in marriage.

- Did you sign a contract? - Yes.

- Did you read the contract? - No.