The Ranch

What... Colt! Come on, it's 1:00 in the morning.

My roommate's gone. You scared me.

I couldn't find my mace. If you were a robber,

I'd have to spray you with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!

Pack your bags.

What? We're going to Mexico.

Get your swimsuit, your sunscreen and cigarettes.

That's like cash there.

That's prison.

Get in here.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about just starting over.

Ab, what's keeping us here?

Our jobs, our family, our friends, our lives.

I'm talking about stuff that matters.

Abby, this is our chance to start fresh.

We can go anywhere. We could do anything.

We could be different people.

I'll be Frank from Tuscaloosa. You'll be Helen from Tuscaloosa.

Um, Colt, how do I say this?

You sound like a fucking whackjob.

Okay? I start school tomorrow.

I should be sleeping. Yeah.

What is going on?

The pipeline fell through.

Jesus Christ.

Right after we bought the Peterson ranch.

Look, look. None of that matters.

This is our chance to start our life together.

Helen from Tuscaloosa...

roll tide!

You always do this. You can't keep running from your problems.

I disagree, but we can talk about it on the road.

Colt, stop.

Stop what?

My family hates me, 'cause I ruined their fucking lives.

You hate me 'cause I'm not a supportive boyfriend.

And, to top it off, on the way here, Waze took me on a toll road.

I didn't have change, so I threw Life Savers in it.

That'll go on my record.

If I ever get car insurance, it'll be fucking expensive.

Colt, come on. I...

I don't hate you, okay?

And your family will come around.

And you need to get insurance.

Come on.

Sit down.

Okay. I...

I know you're freaking out.

I get it. A lot of shit has happened.

But we'll figure it out.

How?

I don't know.

But I know the solution isn't going to Mexico.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm sorry for coming and dumping this on you.

Yeah, it is not the best time, but...

we're a team, right?

Frank and Helen.

Let's go to bed. We'll talk about it in the morning.

All right.

Thank you.

You're right about the car insurance.

That's something I can fix. I'll call The General in the morning.

Come here.

Hey. Hey.

Should you be drinking?

I just like the feel of it in my hand.

It is quiet in here without that buzz.

How could those be our boys?

Would it help if I pretended they weren't yours?

Very much.

They're certainly not who I thought we raised.

I thought they were better than this.

You remember their first T-ball game?

When we said if they got a hit,

we'd buy them a snow cone?

And they didn't get a hit, but we bought 'em snow cones anyway?

Pretty sure that's where it all went wrong.

You think if we hadn't gone to Tastee Freez,

we'd be talking about Doctor Colt and Senator Rooster?

I don't know.

I'd never have done anything like this to my dad.

Nobody's defended them more than I have.

Maybe it's time to stop looking for what we did wrong.

They're grown men. This is on them.

This is a fucking mess, Mags.

Yeah. Two mortgages and no money.

If we were closer to market, we'd have a slim chance,

but there's no way we'll keep our heads above water through this.

There's gotta be something we can do. Yeah.

Stock up on ammo for when the bankers show up.

So, what? You just gonna give up?

Even if there was a miracle,

we'll still end up leaving the ranch to the boys.

What's the point?

They're just gonna fuck it up.

There's a silver lining.

What would that be?

Well, when that happens,

we'll be dead.

I gotta get some sleep.

You gonna be all right? Yeah, I'm fine.

Colt always pulls this shit. Creates a mess and I gotta clean it up.

Know what? Fuck him.

You know, there's two sides to every story.

Hey, Maria, I'll take another round for my friend. On me.

Like I was saying,

fuck Colt.

You know what? I'm with Colt.

Why don't you mind your own...

Oh, hello.

I'm Rooster. I'm Megan.

Okay, apparently we're done talkin'.

How long have you been here? 'Bout two and a half Buds.

Oh! You tell time by beer, too, huh?

If you know what day of the week it is

by how much Kodiak is left in your tin,

we might be soul mates.

So, you just gonna sit there, or will you buy me a half hour?

My mom owns this place, so we drink for free.

Also, anything left in the lost and found for 30 days, it's mine.

Cool brag.

Is that how you got that shirt?

Uh, no, I used to date a girl who works in the morgue.

Anytime a medium-sized guy died, she'd hook me up.

This guy... went hunting, froze to death.

Another cool brag.

So, since you're obviously new to town,

if you want, I can show you the sights.

We've got a... town hall

and a Dairy Queen, where, if you know who to ask,

they'll sell you some firecrackers.

And you've already seen the number one tourist attraction in town.

My beard.

It is a pretty good beard. I'll have to take a picture with it later.

Later?

Well, this day's just got a lot better.

So, Megan, what brings you to Garrison?

I've been protesting the pipeline.

Seriously? Yeah, and we actually stopped it.

You fucked up a lot of people's lives with that protest.

We stopped an oil company from fucking up the environment.

A lot of ranchers here were depending on that money.

It's our land. You can't tell us what to do with it.

I can when it affects my planet.

I've heard guys talk about a hot chick

who was too annoying to hook up with.

Never believed it until this minute.

I'm so disappointed.

I'll miss out on 90 seconds of passion and two weeks of antibiotics.

You ride a bike? I ride a Harley.

Fuck, we were soul mates.

You believe that shit?

Look who wants to hang out now.

You okay? Yeah, I was just...

I'm fine.

You sure?

Yeah, I was just...

thinking about the first day of school and...

Yeah, I get it.

I was thinking all night.

You were right.

I should've never gone behind my dad's back.

Yeah.

I kept hearing that voice in my head that makes me do stupid things.

"Colt, buy a ranch."

"Colt, frost your tips. It'll look rad."

"Colt, of course you can ride down a

double black diamond on a garbage lid."

You would've been fine if there was snow on the ground.

You take chances. That's what I love about you.

Maybe you should've...

let the ranch go, but...

you're in it now.

Yeah.

You know you gotta go home, right? I know.

All right.

You gonna come with me?

Dad might not shoot me if you walk in the door first.

I'm not gonna be your human shield.

Yeah, well...

you're too short, anyway.

Thanks for being there for me.

You wanna talk about us?

What? No. I mean, we're good.

You got enough on your plate without worrying about anything else.

Yeah.

Thank you.

All right.

When will I see you again?

What? This weekend. It's Easter.

Ah, shit.

Your parents are coming for dinner.

Yeah. Fuck, forgot I gave up cursing for Lent.

Starting now.

It's gonna be great.

Your parents hate you.

My parents aren't big fans.

It'll be more like the Last Supper.