That '70s Show

Laurie's bus isn't here yet.

Dad, can we get in the car and turn on the heat?

I'm freezing.

I'm not wasting gas just so you can be comfortable.

Well, can we at least go wait inside?

I'm not going in that bus station with those people.

God, I'm freezing.

Eric, I forgot to tell you.

Your sister's bringing a friend home,

so you'll be sleeping in the basement.

The basement?

They should sleep in Laurie's room.

Oh, and red, I've been thinking...

Maybe this Thanksgiving we should skip the big Turkey.

Small ones are on sale at piggly wiggly.

This family doesn't scrimp on holidays.

Can you imagine my mother sitting down to a chicken?

Red, your mother won't eat my cooking anyway,

so that won't be a problem.

Dad, they should sleep in the basement.

Red, last Thanksgiving she said

her jaw wasn't strong enough to chew the Turkey,

and that was a magnificent Turkey.

Dad, it's my room... I work myself...

All right. That's it. Hold it.

Now, kitty, don't get worked up over my mother.

And you, you're sleeping in the basement,

and we're all having a happy damn Thanksgiving.

Mommy, daddy... this is Kate.

Hi, sweetheart.

Oh, let's get in the car. You must be freezing.

So you're Eric.

Your sister didn't tell me you were so cute.

We are going to have so much fun this weekend.

You can sleep in my room!

Get Kate settled into your room.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, and, hey, don't forget

to show her your 9.I. Joe dolls.

That's such a good idea.

That'll give you a chance to tell dad

about that professor you're dating.

What?

Dad, he's joking.

Gosh, I hope it doesn't get too cold tonight.

I sleep practically naked.

So, kitty, looking forward to Thanksgiving?

Yes.

Red's mother is coming.

What's that pet name she has for you?

Whore.

Oh, you know, she doesn't bother me

as much as she does red, and he's...

He's tense enough, what with Christmas coming up

and him only working part-time.

Part-time, huh? That's rough.

Ooh, when Bob gets tense,

we take a bubble bath together.

Soaking my naked body really relaxes him.

Oh, dear...

Mom, telephone.

Oh, I gotta go.

J' hangin' out j'

j' down the street j'

j' the same old thing j'

j' we did last week j'

j' not a thing to do j'

j' but talk to you j'

j' whoa, yeah j'j'

captioning made possible by carsey-Werner and fox broadcasting

hello, Wisconsin!

So, this Kate, is she hot?

Of course she's hot.

All college girls are hot.

I mean, we've all seen the brochures, right?

Okay. Donna, help me play some music...

Right now.

So she's hot, right?

Oh, so hot. Yeah.

Okay...

Are you okay?

Um... yeah.

Donna, how can you be okay?

There's a college woman sleeping in his bed.

He's sleeping in the basement.

Donna, stairs are not gonna stop a high school horn dog.

Barbed wire will not stop a high school horn dog.

A wall of fire will not stop...

I get it, I get it.

Poor Donna. So naive.

So what do you guys want to do?

Kate: Eric, I hope it doesn't get too cold tonight.

I sleep practically naked.

Yeah, well...

I guess I'm just gonna, oh...

Just kidding. I'm tuckered out.

So I might as... well go home.

So tell me about school.

Oh, well, I've decided to major in philosophy.

That's good, because they just opened up

that big philosophy factory in green bay.

Eric, what did I tell you about being funny?

I'm not?

That's right.

Now... sweep the garage.

Yes, sir.

I wonder if the pilgrims were clever enough

to put peanut butter in their celery.

Kitty, could you get that?

I'm fixing the drawer.

Ahem.

Oh, dear god.

Your mother has already called me

five times this morning, red.

You answer it.

Kitty, I don't want to talk to her.

She gave birth to you.

Hello.

Hi, ma.

Really?

It's for you.

Hello, mother form an.

Mm-hmm.

Just like I told you... I don't know... a half an hour ago,

the kids will be there at noon to pick you up.

Yup. You're right. I need to work on my attitude.

Bye, then.

You know...

I could have married bill Bauer.

His mother was dead.

What if he yells at me?

He's not gonna yell at you.

You're doing him a favor.

Go, go...

Red, heh, what a surprise to run into you. Heh.

I live here, Bob.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Okay, I'm going in.

Uh, actually, red, I, uh...

I just wanted to ask you a favor.

My appliance store gets, you know,

real busy over the holidays, and, uh,

I could use a little help down there.

Oh, you're offering me a job?

Now, I don't want you to get the wrong idea.

This is not charity.

Charity?

No. Not charity.

I'm not looking for work anyway, Bob.

But... good night, Bob!

Midge, he yelled at me.

N'j'

Come in.

Wow.

What?

Um, I was just coming up here to get something to sleep in.

I... I guess I'll see you later, then.

You can stay and talk a minute if you want.

O... Kay.

Close the door.

O... Kay.

Kate.

So, um, that's short for Katherine, right?

Yeah.

Have a seat.

So have you thought about where you want to go to school yet?

Well, I like... your school.

I found that it was really...

I have to go to bed now.

Wait, we are in bed.

Okay. I see.

Okay.

Good night.

Good night.

Eric...

Just, um... one second?

Okay, baseball, Vietnam, Richard Nixon, pat Nixon,

pat Boone, the girl who does the weather... no, no!

Okay, jellyfish, really big spiders, come on, dig deep.

Okay, the day we backed over skipper in the driveway

and instead of going to the county fair,

I had to Bury him in the back yard.

Okay.

I'm good.

And good night.

Good morning, red. Happy Thanksgiving.

Yeah.

Well, ahem...

You're up awful early.

Well, luckily I heard the phone ring

when your mother called at 5:00 this morning.

Yeah. That, um...

That is lucky.

Oh, before I forget, Laurie told me

what she wants for Christmas.

A portable TV for her dorm room.

Heh.

I'm working part-time, she wants a TV, great.

Maybe Bob can get you a good deal on one from his store.

I don't need any help from that damn Bob.