Episodes

Penzel stopped paying your taxes four years ago.

Bullshit. I signed the returns.

- I signed the checks. - Then he shredded the returns,

cashed the checks, and took the money.

I've been on with the IRS all morning.

- How much? - 7.9 million.

Jesus.

I thought I sensed a certain...

between you and Helen.

- Mm-hmm. - And the...

part?

Oh, well, obviously I've never seen one that close before.

- Obviously. - I thought it'd be a little weird,

but once you get down there, it's like, "Oh, I know you."

I feel like I haven't seen you in ages.

I know. It's crazy.

I haven't seen anybody.

So this thing with Helen is still...

Oh, my God, we are together literally, literally,

- literally... - Only need one.

...literally 24-7.

I can't remember the last time I slept in my own bed.

The only reason I'm here now is she had some breakfast thing.

Aww, flattering.

Hey, what can I say?

Ze woman is into me.

Oh, and yes, she still likes my voices.

Well, that makes no sense.

Oh, and... la, la, la. There.

Oh, pretty.

Isn't it?

She got us matching ones.

Matching?

After two weeks?

Actually, she gave it to me last week.

Aww. You're one link away from a chain gang.

Okay, fine, she's a little intense.

But I'd rather have that than some guy

who doesn't even invite me to his son's bar mitzvah

but wants me to blow him in his wife's wedding dress.

- Merc? - Yeah.

Were you in the dress, or was he in the dress?

- I was in the dress. - Oh, I wasn't clear.

Look, as long as you're happy.

Of course I'm happy.

Right?

Anyway, I'm here with you now, yeah?

So talk to me.

- Well, thankfully our nightmare... - (Phone ringing)

- ...with Tim is final... - Hello? What do you mean she canceled?

- It's Helen. - Mmm.

That's bullshit.

Please, she has, like, 18 nannies for that.

She said that to you? What did you say?

You did not.

- I love it. - (Mocking) I love it.

- That's perfect. - (Mocking) That's perfect.

Wait, shit.

I think I lost you. Hello? Hello?

Oh, okay, I'm hanging up now.

- B-bye. - Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry.

- I just couldn't get off. - No, of course not.

If only they'd invent a little button that ends a call.

Just let me quickly call her back.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

So she knows I didn't fall off a cliff or something.

Or get pushed off.

Hello?

I know. I lost you.

Sorry.

Is this better?

Hello? Oh, shoot.

I-I'm losing you again.

D-don't hang up.

This better?

Oh, okay, okay.

Say it again?

Exactly.

Well, she's her own worst enemy.

Hey, you guys.

- Morning, Morning. - Hello.

I have been hearing such great things about your new show.

- Have you? - Oh, that's so nice.

Word around town? Ah-ma-zing.

- Well, I don't know about that. - Still lots of work to do.

I'm just so happy for you guys, seriously.

After going through something like this, you so deserve

- something like that. - Thank you.

- Oh, that's very kind. - I haven't read it yet,

but I heard everyone gets to play two parts?

That's the concept.

Brilliant, brilliant.

And what a gift to those actors.

Just so you know,

it's not that we didn't think of you,

but unfortunately,

there's really nothing that you'd be right for.

We wish there were, but...

Oh, my God, you guys, I so didn't even go there.

Stop it, no.

- Well, we wanted you to know. - Stop, please.

I just came over to say congrats.

And by the way,

the last thing I need right now is another show, ugh.

I've got my sister's wedding coming up,

and that's a... a whole other nightmare.

She's in a chair, so just figuring out the ramps...

So I've got that and... oh.

Well, congratulations, um, to your sister.

And as far as me not being right for your thing, I get it.

Hello? Makes total sense.

Of course, you really only know me from this,

which is hardly the most...

But hey, I did my best here.

I don't make up the words.

But it's fine, really.

It's your show.

You know what you want.

Who am I to tell you?

Come on, you're the geniuses behind Pucks!

- Right, well... - I just think it's fantastic

they're even letting you do it.

I mean, after this, nobody's like, "You stunk up the joint."

Get out."

And with such a risky concept.

Everybody plays two parts?

Yeah, that won't get tired fast.

I'm totally kidding.

You know I only wish you good things.

We know you do.

Now go get 'em. Go, go, go.

Or go fuck yourselves.

She might have got a little further away before she said it.

Mmm.

- Hey. - Bite me.

Ugh.

- Yo. - It's Bob.

The two words I dread the most.

Just doing my job.

So we've got to talk about this IRS thing.

8 million isn't going away.

What happened to 7.9?

That was last week.

It's called interest.

Oh, Jesus.

So what do I do?

You do what I've been saying you should do.

What, the plane?

It's time.

I know I don't need a plane.

Did he really just say that?

But there's got to be some other way.

I'm telling you there's not.

Even that's not gonna cover it all.

Seriously?

It's a plane.

8 million.

We've got to look at the car collection, your father's condo,

maybe the beach house.

Well, how much would I save if I fired you?

I got another call.

- Yo. - He's dying.

- Who's dying? - Who do you think?

All right, cal... calm down. What happened?

- It's his heart. - Is it bad?

No, I'm calling to say his heart is good.

All right.

Where are you?

- I'm on my way. - What's wrong?

My father's had some kind of heart attack.

- I got to go. - No way. A pity.

I'm so sorry.

I got a family emergency. I'm gonna have to take off.

Should we offer to go with him?

- No. No. - What?

Uh, I was just saying if you want,

we're happy to go with you.

That'd be great.

It's a sandwich, for Christ's sake.

They said not to eat.

Then why'd they give me a menu?

What do I look like, a doctor?

- Get me a goddamn sandwich. - What?

They said you can have ice chips.

Here. Suck these.

You suck 'em.

You said he was dying.

I will if I don't get a sandwich.

He looks okay to me.

Oh, what, so now you're a doctor?

I'm fine.

You're not fine.

I am telling you he's gonna leave here in a box.

Jesus.

Maybe we should wait in the hall.

Who are they?

We've actually met. Sean and Beverly Lincoln.

They're my writers.

What the hell do you need writers for?