Knuckles

Stay hidden until I give you the signal.

- Why? - - 'Cause I think you're gonna freak people out.

Hi, Mom. I'm home.

Wade, my little hamentashen!

How long has it been?

Well, I can tell you exactly how long it's been.

Two years, three months, and 13 days.

Not that I'm marking my calendar.

Clearly. Listen, Mom, it's good to be home.

I-I do have something to...

'Sup, Wade?

- 'Sup, Wanda? - I gotta tell you.

If you're back here because you lost your squad car again,

you wanna borrow Mom's Volvo,

don't bother.

Volvo is too much car for you anyways.

- Wanda... - Maybe you should just stick to embarrassing yourself

on the little baby scooter you've been taking on duty instead.

- Wanda! - Know what's embarrassing?

- What? - You wearing a windbreaker inside.

- Wade. - There's no wind in here. That's insane!

I bet my whole life is insane to a local cop like you

'cause I'm out there breaking cases, dude.

I'm going undercover.

I'm working for the FBI...!

What is that? Why do you say it like that?

That's how everybody in the FBI says it.

Then they should reprint the jackets.

That would be so dumb, Wade.

Why are you here? Why is she here?

Yo! I'm here protecting the SODOTOTUS.

Okay...

That's the Secretary of the Department of Transportation for the United States.

He's rolling in, and I'm working his 'cade.

That means motorcade.

That's what we call it in the FBI because it saves

valuable seconds so we can save more lives.

Are we done?

Mom, I need to tell you something.

I, brought someone here.

- A friend? - Yes... Well--

A girlfriend?

Is she Jewish?

Great Matriarch of the Whipple clan.

I bow my head to you in respect,

and I thank you for giving us safe harbor

in our time of need.

Probably shoulda opened with your introduction in retrospect.

It's okay. I'm good. I'm fine.

So... he's from space.

Allegedly.

Yes.

I do apologize for fainting. It was very rude of me.

You're my guest. Welcome to our home.

- We will not be here long. - Yeah, maybe just the night,

and then we'll be outta your hair.

Yo, I don't care who this guy is,

I'm still gonna have to check him for weapons.

You dare draw a weapon on me?

What is this sorcery?

Wade... Wade!

You have a metal detector on you

- even when you're not on duty? - I'm never not on duty, bro.

- Damn, that's a good line. - Wanda, he's a guest.

- Yes, Mom. - So...

- Knuchles-- - Knuckles.

Knuckles.

- Knuchles! That's what I said. - Knuckles.

- Knuchles. Wade... - You're not saying that. You're making, like, a "c-h" sound.

- You're saying "ch." - Yeah, it's weird.

- It's like-- It's not like a dessert. - Knuchles!

Enough. I would so love it

if you would join us for dinner.

A ceremonial meal?

With the Chief of the Whipple clan?

It would be my great honor.

I'll just put out two extra places.

- Wait a minute. It's not... Is it? - Please.

Join us for Shabbat dinner.

No! No!

Let me go!

- Wade, what is happening? - We gotta get outta here.

For the last few decades, every single Whipple family Shabbat dinner

has been nothing but deceit, betrayal, and violence.

- So, is he Jewish? - - Y-yeah, on his...

- Half, I think. - Mother's side?

- I was about to say, I think so. - Good, good.

I don't know why it's important that it's the mom's side,

but just say that it is.

I don't ask you about the millions of grapes you eat.

You leave my grapes out of this.

Mom! You made all of my favorite foods,

even the ones from the most obscure Jewish holidays!

Everything looks so...

- brown. - What a feast!

I am famished, but where are the grapes?

They're in the wine, buddy.

Welcome, everyone.

Family members and guests.

Now... Knuchles.

I'm not sure how much you know...

...about the traditions of the Jewish people.

I know very little,

but I admire your tiny hats.

Ha.

And I assume with a feast like this,

the epics must tell

of your great victories on the battlefield.

At first glance, I thought you to be a malnourished weakling.

But when you were cutting that meat,

I noticed your arms are quite muscular.

Like a warrior!

Well.

Thank you, Knuchles.

I do Pilates three times a week.

- Wade, I like your friend. - Okay. Weird.

Shabbat is the day of rest.

It's about home.

Every Friday, for three hours,

the Whipple family, whoever's here,

sits and eats together

until the Shabbat candles burn out.

And traditionally, the women of the home...

The women of the home light the candles. Wanda?

- Meh. - Wanda, if you could help me.

No way, Mom! I'm on a work call.

SODOTOTUS might go to Macaroni Grill.

- Wanda. - What?

- No phones at the table. - It's work, Mom!

Alright. I'll do it myself.

Baruch atah Adonai,

Eloheinu melech ha'olam,

asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav...

That's my spoon.

That's my spoon. It's not your spoon. Your spoon's over there.

No, that's Knuckles' spoon.

That spoon in your hand is my spoon.-.

You know what? Sorry. That is your spoon.

Where'd it go? Hey, Nolan Ryan, where'd you throw it?

- It went under the little table. - Hahaha! So fun!

- It is. It's awesome. - So funny!

It's gross.

Alright. Everyone, dig in.

So, Knuchles...

...tell me about your family.

My people were killed by a race of giant owls.

- Owls? - I am now the last of my tribe.

Our tribe has been through some tough times, too.

Minus the giant owls.

He's basically Jewish.

How's the food?

- Delectable! This soup! - Aw.

I've never seen balls so plump

and swollen with flavor.

Yo, your friend is wild.

And you say this is fish,

yet it has the consistency of a wet sponge.

I cannot stop eating it.

Gefilte fish.

One of our planet's greatest mysteries.

Let me get you some more, sweetie.

Now,

tell me about these owls.

Hey. How'd you get involved with this weird alien?

Look, it's not a big deal, but I've been working

with a secret global law enforcement agency called GUN.

Actually, you know what?

It's a huge friggin' deal.

There's no government agency called GUN.

That's the fakest name I've ever heard, Wade.-.

Plus, if they were lookin' for people,

why would they recruit a small-time cop like you?

Look, I can't really talk about it,

but I happen to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy.

And I'm doing all this work pro bono, which means for free.

- I know. - It's mostly international stuff,

but it does tend to point sometimes intergalactic.

Way above the FBI pay grade,

so you probably wouldn't understand.

No, I knew what it is. I've heard of GUN.

I know what it is, and I actually...

I actually know a guy there, too.

You know someone from GUN?

Yeah, I do.

What guy do you know at GUN.

Jim...

Jim Gunagent.

The GUN agent you know is named Jim Gunagent?

Yeah. That's right. Who do you know there?

Who's your guy? Who's your guy at GUN?

The guy I know is actually...

also named Jim, Gunagent,

so I guess we probably know the same guy.

Cool, cool, cool. So, I guess we both know Jim.