Schitt's Creek

- John! - Oh, I was starting to think...

I've been hijacked.

- What? - My campaign has been hijacked.

Oh, I need some tea. Twyla?

What's going on?

- Tea? - No thank you.

Ugh! My campaign signs have gone missing.

- What? - You had election signs?

- Yes! All of them! Gone! - Wow.

Maybe people were mowing their lawns.

Well, it's probably just kids.

What if there's a more sinister explanation?

Oh, like the wind.

I was wondering if there's someone who's thinking,

"Oh, this woman may not have many signs,

but she has myriad qualities worth voting for.

I must stop her!"

So you think the signs were stolen?

Stolen? Ew!

Is that what you think happened?

Well, isn't that what you were implying?

- Who would do that? - Well, I don't know. It's dirty pool.

You can't sabotage someone's campaign

and take their signs.

Please, please, everyone calm down!

Well, I suppose if there's a silver lining in all this,

it's that...

Someone is imitated enough into thinking

that I might be affecting this town's

long-established voting patterns.

Oh good. Good.

Now the playing field is more fair.

Yeah, I was worried Jocelyn didn't have enough signs up.

Ah. You and me both, pal,

but, luckily, I'm a step ahead of ya.

Okay, enough with the signs, Roland.

It was overkill a week ago.

Well, I don't know about you, Johnny,

but I would like my little lady to win this campaign.

Oh! Well, funny you should mention,

because my little lady had all of her lawn signs disappear.

Oh. Moira had lawn signs?

She had a few.

Now she has none.

Wait. Are you saying that I... had something...

- I'm not pointing any fingers, - Uh-huh.

But if I find out you had anything to do with this,

even though you're acting like you don't...

Well, if I find out that you're accusing me

of doing something I didn't do,

then I'm going to accuse you of making false accusations.

Fine. But if you're denying doing something

you might have done

and making me feel guilty...

For accusing you of something you claim you didn't do...

Ooh, is that a threat?

I think so.

Because I don't wanna tell you how I respond to threats.

And I don't wanna tell you how I respond

to illegal political activity.

Okay, fine, then don't.

Fine, I won't.

Maybe.

Oh dear God. Yes.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Well then, take it out of my savings account.

Well, what about the air miles?

Can you put some of them towards the electricity bill?

Okay, this signage, is not really on brand.

It's not ridiculous.

Well, I'm not having this conversation either.

Is everything okay?

David, to be honest,

I'm having a little trouble financially

and I'm gonna have to let you go.

- What? - It seems I have overshot my budget

with the changes you've been implementing.

Which is not your fault.

You were my mistake, which I take full credit for.

Okay, I thought you were liking

the changes I was making.

We just sold another poncho yesterday.

I still can't believe we even sold one.

But that's not gonna help me when I am down to a Costco card

and a zoo membership.

Okay. Well, is there anything I can do?

No, you've done enough already.

Fortunately, I did gotten some good news.

Apparently there is a Blouse Barn in Australia

and they are gonna pay me to use their name here.

Can you believe it?

That there's another store called Blouse Barn? No.

No, it's an entire chain.

They're expanding into North America

and they are gonna pay me $10,000

just to cover the costs of renaming the store.

Okay, so they're buying the name from you?

Well, it's more of a gesture actually.

Apparently, I have been using the name without their permission.

Okay, so this company is giving you $10,000 as a gesture...

And to think I almost called this place "Blouse House."

Something seems really sketchy about this

and I'm not just saying that

because I have a hard time with Australians.

- Lotta drunks. - Well, it's already happening.

They're coming in this week,

they're bringing the paperwork...

As your brand manager,

I feel like I need to be at that meeting.

I don't know...

At least let me talk to a few people before you decide.

If there's one thing I've learned from "The Good Wife",

it's never accept a first offer.

- I... I'm gonna just... do that. - Oh.

- I have a question. - Yes, your cologne is too strong.

Okay, I just put it on

and it needs to breathe a bit, so...

I... came in here to ask

whether you knew anything about trademarking store names?

Yeah. We had to deal with that

from time to time at Rose Video.

Uh-huh. And did anyone ever ask you to stop using the name?

No, but we went after other people for using it.

I remember a-a "Rosie's Video" in Sao Paolo.

That was a fun shakedown.

Mm-hmm. Okay, well, say you owned Blouse Barn.

Well, first of all, I'd never get into the clothing business

'cause the margins are terrible...

Okay, let's pretend for a sec.

And someone was offering you $10,000 to stop using the name

because there's another Blouse Barn in Australia

and they need the name.

$10,000 to stop using the name "Blouse Barn?"

- That's correct. - I would take that in a second.

It's a terrible name.

- Okay, but that's not... - Now at least with "Rose Video,"

it said what it was,

and the logo looked great on a golf shirt.

Yeah, I'm just thinking if it's a big chain

and they want the name,

surely you should be able to get more for it.

Yeah, but is worth going to court to fight it?

Oh, I don't think Wendy can afford that.

She can't even afford me anymore, so...

Wait a minute. You were fired?

Technically, I would say

I'm in a transition phase at the moment.

This is terrible news.

I thought you were turning that store around.

All those big purchases, all that spending...

Okay, let's just focus on the big picture,

which is helping the store.

Well, if you wanna help the store,

I would tell your boss to take the deal.

And then you and I are gonna sit down, update your resume,

and get you back into the workforce.

Okay. Well, thank you so much for this.

Um, it was entirely unhelpful, but thank you nevertheless.

Well... anytime, son.

Oh, it's just so violating.

How can one sleep knowing our streets are laden with thieves?

Well, I don't know about laden.

I had a newspaper stolen once.

Two days ago, we had someone break our window.

They didn't take anything,

but they left a dead bird inside.

That's kind of like my aunt.

She has a ghost in her house that keeps leaving dimes everywhere.

Look what's happened to us.

These sign bandits have clearly created a culture of fear.

If it helps at all, I'd be happy

to put one of your signs on my lawn.

Th-that is if Jocelyn doesn't mind.

Oh no, I'd put one on my lawn

if I wasn't worried about winning.

I hope you know that I don't stand for dirty politics, Moira.

Oh no, you mustn't beat yourself up.

You have your own signs to worry about.

All two hundred of them.

Well... we're here to sing, aren't we? So... let's sing!

Well said! Let us focus on tomorrow's show

and not fan the flames of this provocative scandal

any more than is necessary.

Sing ladies... if you can.

Let's do this.

Hey.

What're you shopping for?

I'm not shopping.

Okay, well, I'm seeing a lot of women's tops,

so if there's a minimum amount for free shipping

can let me know before you order?

Okay, yeah, no, I'm... I'm actually doing work, so.

Mm... Dad said that you got fired.

I wasn't fired.

I'm... actually working so that I can stay employed.

I have a big meeting with some lawyers

and I'm trying to make sure

they're not taking advantage of Wendy.

Poor thing is a hot mess.

Okay, I just really think you should stay out of it, David.