Hungerford

Good morning.

My name is Cowen Rosewell.

And this is my... this is my BTech Part 2.

Mr. Chivers, how you doing, man?

And I'm gonna be documenting my life for the next seven days.

And today seemed like a good day to start.

Well, that is until we all went out on the fucking lash last night.

Oh, fuck. Fuck.

Phil?

Phil?

-Phil? - What?

-Are the boys back? -Yes.

That's Phil. It's her flat.

Well, her and her brother's, my best mate, Adam.

And, yeah, I kinda live here...

on the sofa.

I know what you're thinking.

I think we pissed her off last night.

Phil, sweetie?

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is Miss Philippa.

And we do love her dearly. Mwah!

-What are you doing? -Homework, I told you.

You all right?

-You left me by myself again last night. -No, we didn't.

-Yes, you did. -We left you with that guy you like.

No, you didn't. You left me with Boring Graham.

I thought you liked him.

No, I don't like Boring Graham.

He's boring. That's why we call him Boring Graham.

Okay. Are the boys back, then?

-Yes, I think the boys are back. -Is Kipper still here?

Kip is always here.

- Hey, hey, Kip! -Hey, morning, Cowen. You all right?

-Yeah, man, I'm good. You all right? -Yeah, I'm good. Yeah.

-Yeah? -Mm.

-What time did you get back last night? -11:06.

-What time did Adam get back last night? -Later, as usual. 3:32.

-What happened? -Just... Adam stuff.

-Yeah? -Big Man Dean.

-No shit. Go on, out the way, buddy. -Yeah.

Oh, Cowen, you smell like liquor and herbs.

Thank you, Kipper.

Right. Now for the piece de la resistance.

Let's see what's lurking behind the door.

Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey, brother!

-Holy fuck! -Oh, what?

-What are you doing? -What the fuck happened last...

Right, come on, talk to me. What happened?

-Big Man Dean. -No shit.

Adam.

-He's got two of these. - You fuck...

-Go on, then... Big Man Dean? -Like, he called you a Powerpuff Girl.

-Why does everyone think I'm gay? -It was worse than that.

I mean, he was all like, "Oh, why's your wife going home early?"

I ain't having that! He's a prick!

-Come on, then. I love you. -No, I know. Any time.

Oh-ho...

There they are! Sweetest couple in town!

For those who don't know, these two actually have been in love

-for quite some time now. -Seriously, Phil?

- Oh, fuck! - Guys, come on, really?

You can't leave me alone, can you?

I mean, look at you!

-No wonder you're still single! - Adam. Right, come on, guys.

-Fuck off, Adam. - Enough, enough.

Group shot.

Come on.

Right, "cheese" on the count of three. One--

What the fuck was that?

Dude, look at that! That's insane!

Terry, mate, what the fuck is going on?

How's it going?

It's this weather. The radios are dead, phones are dead.

-The lightning's hit the old factory. - Fuck!

-And that's news, that? - It's going nuts.

- Oh, shit. -Morning, Cowen.

Terry, what the bloody hell's going on?

-The weather? -Yes, I know!

-Phones are dead, radio's dead. -I know.

The old factory's been hit by lightning.

-It's-- it's just going crazy. -Yes, I know it's going crazy.

-What a wanker. -Sort it out. I'm going to the factory.

I'm meeting Davis at 12:00. I don't have time for this.

-Get on it, meet me up there. -Right on it.

So, this is Hungerford.

Go, go, go! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!

Mate, that was the best hangover cure ever!

-Did you see all the lightning? - Yeah!

And Terry running around! That bugger.

Guys, guys, guys, there are firemen everywhere outside.

I mean, it's literally packed in town. Gorgeous firemen!

- You go. - You take it.

Mr. Chivers, you bastard, I fucking told you I'd get something good!

Ladies and gentlemen, they have destroyed the town hall.

Tonight, we party!

One, two, three, go!

Come on, Phil!

- Come on, mate. - Come on.

-Mah! -You got beat by a girl!

I am big booty, okay?

-You are number one, you are number two. - You could've told us that.

-And you are fatty ass. -Why am I fatty ass?

Big booty number-- no!

How do you not get this?

Okay, a bit more vodka and go.

We like to drink With Adam 'cause Adam is our mate

And when we drink with Adam

He gets it down in eight, seven, six Five, four, three, two...

Shit, are you all right, mate?

Hey, guys. Is that Janine's dad?

Holy fuck, it is!

-God, he don't look too good. - He looks worse than I feel.

Oh, shit! Shit!

What the fuck is that?

Adam, that looks like blood.

Magic!

Film it, film it, film it! Film it.

Shh, you'll wake him up. You'll wake him up.

No, Adam, you can't do that.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Shh, shh, shh...

Shh, Phil, shut up!

Oh, Adam, I think there's a "C" in "sucker."

- What? -There's a "C" in "sucker."

Fuck!

- Shit! -Shit! Fuck.

Shh!

You all right, mate?

Quick, hurry up!

Careful with the camera, Phil.

-All right? -Okay.

It's brilliant, it's brilliant!

We're such a good...

-What's the matter? -It's Janine.

No way. That's brilliant! That's brilliant!

-I haven't seen her in six months. -I know, man.

-How do I look? -Man, you look gorgeous.

-You need to go speak to her. - Actually, it's not your best day.

Quite frankly, I think you should wait because you're not looking your best.

-Fuck off, Phil. -Your hair's a bit--

No, he looks great! I'll sort your hair out, mate. Ah, yes.

-Do it like you did it at the party. -Yes, yes, yes!

No! No!

Oh, mate, you look gorgeous. Go get her, man.

-Go get her. Go on! - Just wait a few months, okay?

- Go, man! - Girls love that.

Go, film him, film him!

- Hey. -Hi, Cowen.

What are you doing here?

-I just got back from uni. -Right.

- Hey, Janine. - Hi.

Hi, Phil, Adam.

I came round to invite you to a party. It's tonight.

- Party? Can we come? -Oh, yeah! That'd be great.

-Yeah, yeah, everyone's invited. - Cheers! Cheers!

Awesome.

- Are you sure you're all right? -Yeah, I'd best be going, though.

-You look like you've got... - Don't be silly.

-...something going on. - You just got here.

Cowen...

You've got "cocksucker" written on your forehead.

No.

Oh, that's brilliant!

That was fucking awesome. Whoa--

Okay, my man, talk me through it, talk me through it.

-I've gone for the double denim look. -Nice.

-As you can see. Ladies love it. -Yeah. Of course.

- What's going on over here? -Um...

Well, it's a shirt that I-- my mom got me for Christmas.

Yeah?

And some new jeans that I also got for Christmas.

- Real nice, man. - Nice!

- How are you doing your hair? -Do you not think I should do this?

- Are you sure? -Yeah, mate, you look good.

So, you gonna get on uni girls, right?

Adam, you know there's only one girl I like.

-And who's that? -Janine!

Pfft! You're with me, ain't you, Kip?

Not-- not really my thing, Adam.

I'll help you. I'll be your wingman. I mean, I'm up for that.

I'm not after a wingman. I'm want someone to get, you know...

Eh...

Seriously, guys, you suck.

We can't all be an animal like you.

And I'm pretty sure we all can't have crabs like you, Adam,

as I'm pretty sure your last conquest left you with crabs.

-Shut up! -I remember that.

You sent me to the pharmacy to get lotion for it.

That's right! Holy shit.

And you did better. What did yours leave you?

-Half a can of deodorant, real sexy! -Fuck off!

Guys, are you gonna come down for a drink or what?

Ooh!

Come on, Cowen, hurry up!

For fuck's sake, guys, I'm coming!

You all right, mate?

What the fuck? It's only a camera.

I mean, seriously, Cowen, these uni girls are up for anything.

Adam, you are such a pervert.

Look at you all dressed up for Boring Graham.