Telenovela

- Oh, my God, these are amazing! - Who brought these in?

Denise from Accounting.

Denise! Denise! Denise! Denise! Denise!

Where is she? I wanna kiss her!

Oh, she just went home sick. Stomach flu.

You know who I hate? A-Denise.

Sorry, guys, I had to bring the kids to work.

There was no school today. There was a lice outbreak.

They have no idea where it started.

- There are my boys! - Hey, Anna!

Hmm.

- Hugo! - Hugo!

Go easy on him this time, guys.

His hair just grew back from your last visit.

Hugo, run!

So you guys are cool with my kids hanging here today?

Oh, sure. I love kids.

That wasn't a joke.

What do you people think of me?

She's hilarious.

Mimi, it will be fine,

but we should probably keep them away

from the big cocaine bust scene...

...we're shooting today.

- Snow, yeah! - It's snowing!

- Yeah, whoo! - Yay!

Well, at least they're playing together.

Snowing!

Put the drug money down.

Hey, Mimi, you know what this dress needs?

Fabric.

Mimi.

Look at Conner sulking over there.

That's all he does anymore.

We used to be so close,

but now he's totally pulled away from me.

Watch.

See? That bit used to kill.

There's something wrong with him.

Oh, he's 13.

It's totally normal that he doesn't want

to hang out with his mom.

He'll talk to me.

I taught him how to knock out a sugar high

with a bag of potato chips.

Sometimes I let him drive my car.

Remind me not to let you babysit ever again.

Why? 'Cause of the chips?

Look, Conner and I are tight.

That means close. I'm fluent in tween.

Really? I just got a text from my niece,

"LOL. BTW," and then a sunshine with sunglasses.

Wait-- why does the sun need sunglasses?

- He's the sun. - Because it's a cool sun.

Don't over-think it.

Find anything you like

for the big "Men of Las Leyes" photo shoot today?

Just put us in anything, Mimi. We're guys.

We don't get stressed

about things like what we're gonna wear,

how we look, equal pay.

Yeah, it's just, like, "I know I'm gorgeous,

but I so don't care," you know?

Yeah, we're not gonna be a bunch of psycho divas

like the women were when they did their magazine shoot.

She only needed two stitches.

All I'm saying is men don't care about the little things.

We're chill. We stick together.

Honestly, that's why I date them.

- Huh. - That makes sense.

- Gah! - What are you doing?

Work.

I'm writing a story for the show.

That doesn't sound like work.

Well, you and my mom agree about that,

but I don't see either of you figuring out

how to get the cop trapped

so the kingpin can run off with Luna.

How about a booby trap?

Look, kid, we did that on the Christmas episode.

- What about a bear trap? - Pfft, bear trap.

Bear trap.

Huh, we've never done that before.

Have a seat. Keep talking.

So there's a mountain of drugs and a corrupt cop...

Oh, yes. Keep going.

And then the bear trap collapses down on them...

- Yeah. - And they scream.

And what does the kingpin do-- the evil guy?

He's like...

He does that. That's the weirdest thing.

Oh, there.

Here, I got this.

Conner. Con-man.

C-Dawg.

We gon' kick it?

Oh, my God, you're right!

Something is really wrong with him.

I thought you said that was normal kid stuff?

To ignore his mom, yes. Not me.

We've gotta do something.

You know, kids today are into all sorts of crazy things.

Haven't you heard of the deep web?

- No. - No, I saw it on "Dateline"

or "Nightline" or one of those shows where

quiet nerds do horrible things, usually in Florida.

Anyway, the deep web is a secret place of the Internet

where you can buy guns or drugs or a baby.

Okay, I think I'd notice if Conner

were hiding a baby in his room.

Have you checked it out lately?

No.

Yeah, well, snooping is the only way

you're gonna get answers from a kid.

Okay, you're right. All right, let's go.

- Yeah. - Well, what else can you buy

- on the deep web? - Feet.

Human feet.

Hey, have you guys seen Mimi?

I'm shooting my first love scene today

and I wanna make sure she puts me in something sexy.

I shouldn't be all covered up like this.

I don't even remember what I wore in my first love scene.

You were naked except for a turban and a torn sarong.

- I think. - Hello, gentlemen.

I'm Caro'leen, photographer for "Bella Novella Magazine."

I'm excited to shoot you.

Oh, we're excited for you.

We're just getting our makeup done.

- We'll be right down. - Oh, no.

No need for makeup.

"Bella Novella" is a natural beauty magazine.

We're makeup and Photoshop free.

What did she say?

I don't understand the words coming out of her mouth.

Just come natural.

We believe that everyone is beautiful just as they are.

But that's not true.

You guys are fun.

I'll see you on set.

Guys, it's all good. We're men.

- We don't care about this stuff. - He's right.

Plus, they can't take our spray tans away.

- Yeah! - Yeah, yeah!

Oh, this is so heartbreaking.

Snooping around in a child's room I practically raised.

You wouldn't understand.

You're right, I was too distracted

actually raising him.

- Oh, my God! - What!

What'd you find? Guns? A baby?

Conner, he folded his socks

like I asked him to. He's such a sweet boy.

Unless he's hiding the drugs in them!

Oh... no.

Oh.

No, all clear.

Okay, now I gotta clean up all the socks.

Hey, at least you're not cleaning up all the drugs.

You're welcome.

Oh, let's try his computer.

Oh, I don't even know where to start.

I've installed so many parental locks on this thing,

he can't even look up a recipe for chicken breast.

Try his search history.

Oh, that reminds me. I've gotta clear mine.

No one needs to know how many times I've searched

"What is climate change?"

Well, I know. It's, um...

polar bear stuff.

All that's here are a bunch of videos of animals

- doing stupid things. - Oh, cats on a treadmill.

He fell off.

Oh, God. I'm so relieved.

I mean, obviously, Conner's going through some weird phase,

but he's still my sweet, innocent, little boy.

What was that sound?

Oh, my God!

Whoa!

- Porn! - A lot of porn.

Oh, my God.

Blond girls, Asian girls... Samoans?

Oh!

You have raised a very multicultural son.

You should be proud.

Oh, yeah, that's what I'm feeling right now. Proud.

Honey, this is normal, okay?

All of it is just--

- It's me! - Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God! - Ah!

I look bloated.

Porn? Conner's been looking at porn?

He's so grounded.

Oh, yeah, lock him in his room by himself.

That'll fix that.

Hey, look, Mimi,

have you had "the talk" with him?

The sex talk? No, he's so young,

and I always thought his father would do it.

Well, his dad's in prison,