Magnum, P.I.

It's funny the things a grown man will do for a living.

Especially me. Take this morning, I'm breaking into Robin Masters's estate.

You know, the writer. The one with all those best sellers.

All that money.

No, that's not Robin. That's ex-Sergeant Major Higgins.

He's sort of the majordomo around here.

Robin flies in once or twice a year.

The rest of the time the estate is open to his friends.

Higgins's job is to see that they're well bedded,

fed, watered and protected.

Zeus! Apollo! At your posts, lads!

Me? I live here too. So, why am I breaking in?

Well, I made a deal with Robin to run a series of security checks...

in exchange for living free in the guesthouse.

First check was to try and steal the Ferrari.

I thought I made a pretty good deal.

Then I met Higgins.

He takes his job much too seriously.

Morning, me beauties.

Like I said, funny the things a grown man will do for a living.

But I've done funnier.

Go, lads!

Hi, guys.

Zeus? Apollo?

Don't look at the dogs, work the lock.

Work the lock. Work the lock. Don't look at the dogs.

You looked at the dogs.

Sometimes everything goes exactly as planned.

Sometimes it doesn't.

Overnight, Higgins had installed an alarm system.

It activated the moment I opened the door,

which meant I had less than a minute to figure the combination.

After that, a siren would go off, the fuel pump would lock...

and it would take nitro to move Robin's Ferrari.

Hi. You here for the weekend? Hi.

Yeah. It's a great place. You'll love it. It's got everything.

You wouldn't happen to know the combination of this alarm, would you?

Are you stealing Robin's car?

Uh, no. Well, sort of, but it's okay.

It's a security check. It's just sort of a game.

Higgins would have picked a number that he was familiar with, like the address.

Or the zip code.

Or maybe his social security number.

- You know his social security number? - No.

The phone. He used Robin Masters's personal phone number.

No!

I'd invite you girls to breakfast,

but I gotta pick up a buddy flying in from Tokyo.

Don't worry, Higgins. I'll drive careful.

Higgins, you yo-yo.

Give it up, lads.

If you're wondering how I could be so sure...

the combination was the phone number,

if it wasn't, Higgins would have won.

And fate just wouldn't do that to me.

Welcome to Oahu.

Although you are military personnel and Hickam is a military field,

you'll still have to go through U.S. Customs,

which won't look the other way just because we're both paid by Uncle Sam.

So, if you're carrying any illegal souvenirs from Japan,

I suggest you leave them on the aircraft.

This briefcase your only luggage, Lieutenant?

That's it.

You have a release for these? They're photocopies.

But of what, Lieutenant? I don't read Japanese.

I guess it's okay.

Thanks.

What's he, C.I.A.?

N.I.A. The navy's version.

Might be a few minutes late picking Dan up,

but, uh, when he saw the Ferrari, he'd forgive me.

Ski! Lieutenant Magnum.

It's not lieutenant anymore, Ski.

You know, I haven't seen you since you beached yourself,

what, uh, four, five months ago? More like a year.

I heard you're playing like a detective. Investigator, Ski.

Private investigator.

Look. Lieutenant Cook's comin' in from Tokyo on a max flight.

I gotta pick him up. If I go through Hickam's main gate,

I'm gonna be filling out paper till next Sunday.

No sweat, Lieutenant. This oughta get you just about anywhere on Pearl or Hickam.

Thanks, Ski. Nice set of wheels you got here. Where'd you steal her?

What makes you think she isn't mine?

- No! - Geez.

Halt. Are you Lieutenant Cook? Sir.

Captain Cooly would like to see you right away, sir.

Captain Cooly. What, now? Yes, sir.

Uh, I have a vehicle waiting right here, sir.

Magnum. Pull over, driver. That's the guy that's meeting me.

How did he get that car? I said pull over, driver.

Can't do that, Lieutenant.

What do you mean you can't do that?

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Have a nice day, brahda.

Magnum! Mag...

I understand, sir, that the medical examiners here got all the tough cases from Vietnam.

The ones they couldn't identify through dog tags and dental records.

You know, they put a name on everybody? Every single one.

It's probably the first time in the history of warfare every K.I.A. has been identified.

Too damn bad. Beg your pardon, sir?

There'll be no monuments erected to the boys that fought in Vietnam.

Hippies have seen to that. The most we could expect was to share in a little glory...

to have buried an unidentified body from that war besides the others at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

These medical examiners deprived us of that, Ensign.

I see what you mean, sir.

There is evidence of a small abdominal wall hematoma,

suggesting blunt-force trauma.

He may have been punched in the stomach.

Almost done, Captain. Found a cause of death yet?

Massive pulmonary edema and cyanosis, probably induced by cocaine.

What?

We found a dozen plastic packets in his stomach.

Some of them burst. I'm having them analyzed now,

but odds are they contained cocaine.

How did packets of cocaine get into Lieutenant Cook's stomach?

It happens all the time, I'm afraid. Swallow the packets before boarding the plane,

then retrieve the packets from the digestive system.

Uh, it's a foolproof way of smuggling everything...

- from dope to diamonds. - Are you sure it's cocaine?

I'm waiting for the tox screen and the residue analysis to confirm it.

This is going to be very hard on Admiral Cook.

- His father is Admiral Raleigh Cook? - Uh, yes, sir.

Does the admiral have to be informed of... all the details, sir?

What do you suggest, Ensign? We tell him his son swallowed...

a dozen cocaine packets by mistake?

No, sir. I mean, the lieutenant's dead.

I just thought we could get around some of the details.

It could be done, Captain, unless Admiral Cook pushed for more information.

We could release it as an accidental overdose, which of course it was.

I don't think he planned on the packets bursting.

Ensign Healy, first thing in the morning, I wanna draw up a letter of recommendation.

- Sir? - I'm gonna recommend...

Lieutenant Cook's military rights and benefits be revoked.

This officer died in the commission of a felony. He disgraced his uniform.

If he were alive, I'd court-martial him and I'd deep-six him.

His being dead doesn't change that, no matter whose son he is.

Good night, gentlemen.

I don't know what you did to your C.O., son,

but you sure ticked him off.

Hi, guys. Higgins!

Higgins.!

Higgins.!

Zeus! Apollo! Bad dogs!

Let the nice man out of the car.

Oh, it's all right. The dogs will stay with us.

They seem to like you. ja.

Uh, why don't they like me?

Mr. Higgins doesn't like you, and they're his dogs.

I think he tells them bad things about you. I think you're right.

Zeus! Apollo! Where are you, lads?

It's all right, Higgins. They're with me.

Right.

Thanks for the escort. Now that I'm safely home,

you can go back to your swim.

The tidal pool sure looks good in the moonlight.

Yes, it's going to be nice to get out of the suits and back in the water.

Yeah, why don't you join us?

Oh, sure, great. I'll just get my trunks.

If you wish.

Pearl Harbor Naval Base.

Uh, Lieutenant Cook, Bachelor Officers' Quarters, please.

One moment, please. It's extension number... No, wait.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Lieutenant Cook's quarters.

You're gonna wish you didn't stand me up at the airport, old buddy.

Who's this? This is Magnum. Who are you?

Magnum, this is Ensign Healy.

I came aboard a couple weeks before you left, remember?

Oh, Healy, yeah. L.S.U. quarterback, right?

Right. Well, put Lieutenant Cook on, will ya?

I'm sorry, Magnum, I can't. He's dead.

Magnum? Did you hear me?

Homeward Angel, do you read me?

Homeward Angel. Homeward Angel, do you read me?

Homeward Angel. Homeward Angel, do you read me?

Homeward Angel, do you read me?

Homeward Angel, do you read me?

Hi, guys. Magnum, you're late again.

You know, Dan, I've been thinking.

Yeah, I know. You wanna resign.

Well, it's not that I don't appreciate what the navy's done for me... college education,

foreign travel, nice uniform.

Magnum, every time we get shot up, you wanna resign.

You think I'm crazy, huh?

Hell, no. The reason I'm here...

is because my old man expects it out of me.

Phillipe and Pepe don't know anything else.

They've been fighting Charlie since they were 10.

Eight. Homeward Angel, do you read me?

You got nothing holding you.

You put in your tour. You can get out.

Can't do that. Why not?

We're a team. Can't split up the team.

Only thing keeping you guys alive is me.

Wonder if T.C. forgot to set his alarm again.

For Washington, D.C. and San Francisco...

is now arriving at Gate 7 on the upper concourse.

All night long, one thought ran over and over through my head.