School Spirit

It all began a couple of days ago,

or was it yesterday?

It seems like an eternity.

A typical spring day on a typical American campus

Lavatoire College,

well not entirely typical,

this was after all the day before Hog Day

and some of the students had already started to go crazy.

Little did I know how crazy it would get for me.

It was also the day before endowment day.

That's President Grimshaw

announcing the new building project

with his brother in law, the contractor.

A certain Madeline Eloise Lavatoire,

the only living descendant of the founder

was flying in the next day to pick up the tab.

Some old babe from France, or so they said,

easy fellows, not yet.

But my story begins that night.

I somehow found myself in the president's office

working late on

important extracurricular activities.

Yeah, that's me, Billy Batson,

Mr. One track mind.

The girl is Judy Hightower,

sorority queen and straight A student.

If she seems a little nervous,

she's got a lot on her mind.

Tomorrow is the big endowment ceremony

and she's in charge of the arrangements.

I told her I'd help her out.

Hey, that's the kind of guy I am.

So, comfortable?

- Well as comfortable as I can be

considering we're not supposed to be

in President Grimshaw's office after hours.

Don't you remember what Grimshaw said?

"The door to this office is always open

to any student of Lavatoire College."

He didn't say he had to be here.

- And he didn't say that you should bribe the janitor

to let you in if he wasn't.

Don't be nervous,

we're the only two souls in the building.

Yeah and if someone does come in,

we can just tell them that we're working late,

working for the Endowment Committee, can't we?

That's right

and they'll say, "That's school spirit."

They don't have to know that we weren't working at all.

I've been looking forward to being alone with you.

I've been waiting months for this.

We may never have this chance again.

Billy, not there, that tickles.

Maybe we should work.

Judy, what's there left to do?

You've done a fantastic job getting everything ready,

everybody's happy.

President Grimshaw's happy,

you're happy, I'm happy.

I'm so happy.

Billy, stop, listen,

now I don't want you to take this personally

but any kind of a relationship now

with someone who has such a bad reputation

could really be disastrous.

Oh no, I'd survive.

I'm talking about me.

I just can't risk so much at stake,

my fellowship and all the recommendations and law school.

I mean you're an intelligent guy, Billy,

and maybe if things were different

but if anybody could see me right now I'd lose everything.

So maybe I just better leave while there's still time.

There's plenty of time.

Billy, wait.

Yes?

Do you have a thing?

Yes, I have a thing.

No not that thing, the other thing.

What other thing?

You know, protection?

A rubber?

Do I have a rubber?

Of course not.

What would you think

if I pulled a rubber out of my pocket right now?

You'd think I was trying to seduce you for Christ's sake

instead of this spontaneous, once in a lifetime opportunity

for a beautiful and genuine experience

shared by two people

irresistibly attracted to each other.

No, that's not what I meant.

I just, I thought maybe you might have one.

We have to have something.

- Well, the odds against anything happening are so great,

it'd take a miracle.

I'm sorry, Billy, but there's no way.

Grimshaw's gotta have one.

Maybe some other time.

- I'll be right back, the drug store's still open.

It's too late, they're closed.

- I can think of one other place, nurse this.

I'll be back in 10 minutes, think of me.

Bill Batson, my man.

Barducci, what luck.

Listen.

Rubbers, oh sorry my man.

Why don't you tie it in a knot, Batson?

I'll do it for you, Billy.

Yo, try some saran wrap.

Does that work?

Ah.

All right.

Ah.

Doctor, we've got a beat.

- It's no good, his pupils are blown.

Somebody close that door.

- Do you want to take him down to surgery?

No, it's already been too long.

Well, that's it, he's not gonna come through.

I can connect the respirator.

No, leave him alone,

maybe we'll get a transplant request.

Your hair looks terrific.

- Sure does. - I'll try to notify

his family.

Don't bother, he doesn't have any.

Hold it, they can't give up,

what happened, what's this?

You fought the good fight, Billy

but that's all she wrote.

Don't you remember me?

Uncle Pinky, good old Pinky Batson.

Uncle Pinky Batson.

Right.

You gave me my first beer.

I must've been four years old at a picnic.

You remember, that's great.

But you died.

Yeah, about a year later,

too much booze, too may broads,

the old Batson curse, Billy.

But if you're dead...

That makes two of us, pal.

Don't be sore, it ain't so bad.

Now come on, we gotta go.

Go where?

You'll be surprised, Billy.

See when they send somebody to pick you up,

it's gotta be somebody that you know and like

and you being a young fella and all,

they send somebody from the family.

- This is crazy, I can't be dead, it's absurd.

- There's nothing I can do about it Billy, nothing at all.

Look, all I need is one more day, Pinky,

that's all I need.

Tell him you couldn't find me,

tell 'em I ran away.

Yeah.

You want to blow it?

You made it, my boy, you made it.

Now cheer up, it's out of my hands.

Now we're gonna walk down

to that nice white light at the end of the hallway.

And once we get inside,

you're gonna hear the prettiest music you ever heard

and then the really spectacular part.

Oh, would you get a load of that.

Billy, I've been away too long, pal.

Listen, I can still get you through the door on time.

You stay right here,

I'll be back in a minute.

Now don't go anywhere, alright?

Okay.

- Excuse me, dear. - Uh huh.

My name is Pinkerton Batson.

Don't I know you from somewhere?

- Well I don't- - You look so familiar.

Have you ever been-

All right.

You could be my next cover girl.

Hey, listen,

I'm telling you the truth, you could be.

- Come on. - I'm not kidding you.

I mean it.

It's simple dear,

I'll have my chauffeur pick us up

and in two hours we'll be at the airport.

Tomorrow morning, we'll be in Paris.

What is your name again?

Batson, as in Batson Oil.

What about my passport?

Won't we have to stop at my place?

Oh, I almost forgot about that.

You don't live far from here do you?

No, right around the corner.

Oh, that's terrific.

Now I wonder what I can pack?

I don't really have the right things