How I Met Your Mother

Oh, you look like you're coming from a wedding.

Was it a nice one?

Uh, it's a long story, and I don't mean to be rude,

but I really don't feel like talking about it.

It all started when the bride asked to see me...

Wow.

Okay, don't sugarcoat it, Mosby.

Just give it to me straight, okay?

How bad is Barney freaking out right now?

Oh, he's fine.

No, I'm serious. He's totally fine.

I have a better tie at home!

It's cornflower blue!

It's cornflower blue!

You may rest assured, Barney Stinson is absolutely 100%

going through with this wedding.

Okay.

Good news.

Um, just one small issue, uh...

I can't go through with this wedding.

Okay, calm down, everyone feels this way

on their wedding day.

It'll pass. No.

It's more than that.

I'm having a serious crisis.

And I wonder if it would be hard to climb out that window.

Uh, climbing out's easy.

Climbing in's the real challenge.

Oh, right.

It's the same window, isn't it?

Yeah.

That story transpired in May of 2012.

As you may recall, Lily and Marshall were gloriously happy

having just welcomed your cousin Marvin.

While Barney and Quinn were gloriously happy

having just gotten engaged.

And Robin, well...

Ah, got it!

Man, that sum'bitch had been in there since breakfast!

Robin: One, poppy seed: Zero.

Heck, this calls for some champagne.

I think there's some in the fridge.

We'll get it.

We're totally not gonna go have sex in the kitchen,

if that's what you're thinking.

Aw, we're not?

No, no, we are. I already took off your bra.

Oh!

Hey, are you guys sure you can handle champagne?

You haven't slept in like a week.

We should just call it a night.

Oh, I see what this is about.

You feel weird because Barney's engaged.

What?!

No. Of course not.

And I will tell you why it's not weird.

What's not weird?

The fact that Barney's engaged.

Barney's engaged?!

Heck, this calls for some champagne.

I think there's some in the fridge.

Oh, my God, why don't you both just admit it:

You're deliriously exhausted.

We're fine!

Really? We're not gonna be

the kind of people who have a baby

and become total zombies.

Yes, Robin.

We're not gonna be the kind of people

that have a zombie and become total babies.

Okay, well, what I was saying is...

Do you understand?

Yes! God, yes!

You are preaching to the choir, sister.

Whew!

Hey. So...

I am thinking about my bridal party

and, uh, I don't have a lot of girlfriends.

I mean, I have work friends,

but I worked at a strip club

and I know they'll just complain

about any bridesmaid's dress that has a front, so...

Would you guys be my bridesmaids?

I'd be honored. Yes!

Of course.

Not you, Marshall.

But, yay, thank you! Oh.

Oh, thank you. Oh, my gosh.

It's gonna be so much fun.

Yeah, now it's weird.

What's weird?

Me being Quinn's bridesmaid.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, sweetie.

She probably won't even ask you.

She just did.

And we both said yes.

Heck, this calls for some champagne.

I think there's some in the fridge.

Meanwhile, I was also gloriously happy,

driving off into the sunset with Victoria,

who left her fiance Klaus at the altar for me.

There was just one problem.

I wonder if Klaus found your note yet.

My note?

Yeah, you know,

the "I'm leaving you at the altar" note.

Is that a thing?

When you leave someone at the altar, you always leave a note.

It's common courtesy.

I think common courtesy went out the window when I did.

Look, when Stella left me at the altar,

at least I got an explanation.

I mean, that note is what keeps you sane.

You read it, you re-read it, you memorize it,

you sleep with it, you sniff it

because it still kind of smells like her,

and then, finally...

you let it go...

tied to a brick, right through her perfect

little suburban bay window.

I'll just text him.

You're leaving a note.

So, Barney and I have already disagreed

on a few of the wedding details.

I want to go with a buffet,

and he wants to ride down the aisle on a grizzly bear.

He'll be wearing a tux.

Fine, fine, I'll settle for a panda bear,

but you have to call my tailor.

He'll be furious about the switch.

Hey, Barney, uh...

We've gotta talk.

Um, Quinn just asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.

Isn't she even a little weirded out that you and I used to date?

Quinn doesn't have a jealous bone in her body.

She rolls with the punches.

She... Doesn't have a clue.

No, she does not.

Okay.

Okay.

"Klaus, there is no easy way to tell you

why I won't be marrying you today.

Have a great summer, Victoria."

That's it?

No, no, we gotta do this right.

Well, you can't write it.

One look, it's gonna be obvious it's a guy's handwri...

Oh no, we're good.

Okay, fine, you write, I'll advise.

"Klaus."

Just "Klaus"?

Come on, give it some heart, the poor guy.

"Dear sweet Klaus..."

"Sweet?" What, are you still in love with this jerk?

I'm doing this on my own.

I'm sorry, I just...

you know, I feel bad for the guy.

I'm stealing the greatest girl in the world away from him.

You're not stealing me.

I'm choosing you.

Because you are loving

and you are caring...

and you are going to go deliver this note.

Wait, you want me to go in there?

It took everything I had to climb out

that church window today.

And if I have to go back in there,

I'm not sure I can do it again.

It has to smell like you.

So Quinn has no idea that we used to date?

None whatsoever.

Okay, Barney, think this through.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with Quinn...

Oh, God, you have a point.

Haven't gotten to it yet.

Of course. Continue.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with Quinn

and keep this secret?

I mean, she's gonna find out.

Quinn's not gonna find out because I've destroyed

every piece of evidence that you and I were ever a couple.

That's ridiculous.

You couldn't have gotten rid of all of it.

You replaced me with a tiger.

I couldn't completely get you out of that one.

Had to get creative.

Well, I'm glad that deleting our entire time together

was so easy for you.

But I guarantee you: Quinn is gonna find out eventually.

No, she won't.

I just need your help.

Yours, too.

I know you're out of it,

but you have to promise not to tell Quinn, okay?

Tell Quinn what?

Exactly.

No, she's really asking.

Tell Quinn what?

Ooooooh...

Can't climb the drainpipe. What?