Tearsucker

Get the fuck away from me!

Jenny, just hold on second let me explain.

Stay away from me!

You're a little confused.

You're filming this?

I just want to talk to you. You're being over dramatic.

You don't need that! I'm not gonna hurt you.

You know me, remember? You know my heart.

I would never hurt you.

Lilly, what'cha drinking?

I'm sorry, was that for me?

Yeah. What you drinking?

Oh, it's, um, just tea.

Ooh, do you put honey in it? Honey and some lemon? That's really good.

Especially for the "kckk" throat.

Uh, no, I haven't. I haven't tried that.

Try yerba mate. It's really good.

Someone just told me that green tea is, like, better for you than water.

Caffeine releases slower over time,

but I have to have coffee.

I hear boba's nice.

- Oh, yeah. - I don't like boba.

Yeah.

I wish you lived closer.

It's not that far.

Feels like it.

I know. It sucks.

It really does.

You sure you're okay, hon? I worry about you.

I don't want to cry.

Then don't.

You know what I mean.

I know.

Honestly, I

don't really feel like anything's getting any better.

Have you thought anymore about seeing a therapist again?

No. I'm not going back to that guy.

He's a mansplaining prick.

I don't think he was listening half the time.

Well, maybe there's someone else that's...

No. I said no.

Okay. What if you started vlogging again?

Hear me out! It is not a terrible idea.

Yes, it is. It's stupid and it's a waste of time.

No, it is not.

Everyone needs an outlet to get their shit out

otherwise it... it festers and it ties you up in knots,

and it makes you sick.

And, besides, your videos were always so funny and so sincere,

and you're such a good writer, I just

what if you just tried one and saw how it felt?

Nobody ever watched my dumb videos.

I did. And they're not dumb!

I don't know.

Who came up with the word Vlog anyway?

It's, like, so gross. It's like the sound you make

when a barf gets stuck in your throat.

It's like...

Ew! Gross!

Wait, but what if, hold on.

If it's a barf and a gag mixed together

wouldn't that be called a barg?

Or a garf? Could be a garf.

Gar... oh!

My cookies. Hold on a second.

It's cool, just call me later.

Okay. Love you!

-Love you! -Garf!

Hi, guys! Happy Tuesday!

For this Tips Tuesday,

as requested in the comments, thank you guys,

I am going to be doing a little tips about plant care.

Uh, as you guys know, I am a crazy plant lady.

If you haven't seen my place,

uh, Tyler and I have so many plants, like, it's ridiculous.

So, specifically today I want to talk about watering

and making sure that you get the light...

Hi, guys! Happy Wednesday!

Uh, I wanted to do something a little different today,

so we were shooting outside. Please don't mind all the crazy noises,

um, but I wanted to show you guys my happy place.

This is my park. Um, well, that's the corner.

That's the park, see? I park myself, like, right over there.

I don't know if you can see, the dog park is right there.

I situate myself and look out at the dog park as if I had a dog

also playing in the park along with all the other people watching the dogs.

And all the dogs run up and they want to play

and they want to be pet and I get to, like, snuggle with them.

And then people are like, "Oh, which one's yours?"

I'm like, oh, the fluffy one over there.

And no one ever knows.

Oh, favorite quote

you guys ready for this? ...Of the day.

It reminds me of the dogs.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.

Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Okay, that's really stupid.

I get that, but I do. I love it.

Oh, fuck.

Hey, Lill!

I just watched your vlog

and I am so, so, so proud of you!

It was amazing! I loved it!

And there's all these comments and views and likes!

And someone said they shared it on Reddit!

It just seems like people are really connecting

with what you have to say.

Shit. -I'm just so proud of you

for getting it all out there!

I just know this is going to be exactly what you need.

Move on, start over and just...

Oh! Lilly you look so cute today.

Oh, thanks. I showered.

Nice! I showered today, too.

Check it off the list.

Soon as I get off this call.

Lill! Come on!

I'm sorry. I froze. I wasn't wearing any makeup.

And I was feeling bloated and gross

and also just not in the mood to chat up a weird guy.

You said he was cute.

Well, yeah, but who just waves at strangers like that?

You're right. I just finished the Night Stalker documentary,

and Richard Ramirez was just known for walking around

waving at strangers. It's a known serial killer thing.

Really?

No! It is perfectly acceptable

to greet and/or show interest

in another human being one finds attractive by smiling at them

and yes, even waving.

Very funny.

Oh, gotta go. Date night. Talk to you tomorrow?

-Okay. Bye. Talk tomorrow. -Bye. Love you!

Morning everybody.

-TGIF! -Yes.

Hey.

What? Hi.

-Are you okay? -Oh, my God. I am so sorry.

-No. No, no you don't... -That was incredibly gross.

I'm so sorry you had to witness that.

You don't have to apologize. I'm the one that startled you.

You did kinda sneak up on me there.

What can I say, I'm light on my feet.

Makes it easier to sneak up on my victims that way.

You're all right?

Yeah. I'm fine. I'm sufficiently embarrassed, but good.

What's that you're choking on there?

Um, just veggies and pesto.

Veggies and hummus.

Do you mind if I sit down and eat next to you?

Sure. Yeah. I mean, I'm just not staying super long

'cause I have to get back to work at some point so...

Understood.

I'm Tom.

Lilly.

Lilly.

I love that name.

What?

I mean, it's fine. It's a pretty common name.

No, I'm being genuine.

I love it when girls have flower names,

like Lilly or Rose.

-Violet. -Petunia?

Okay, maybe not that one quite so much.

Sorry if I'm making this awkward. I'm just...

I'm not sure if I remember how to do it correctly.

-Do what? -You know.

Talk to a cute girl I just met.

My last relationship didn't exactly end well,

and I haven't spent a whole ton of time around

people lately so...

Trust me, I... I get that.

-You're doing fine. -Yeah?

Yeah.

Scale outta 10?

Um, like

like a 6.5?

65 percent? That's like a D.

No, I said 6.5.

Yeah. It's the same thing -That's different.

-I'm basically failing... oh, my God. -Oh, my God!

I'm so sorry! I'm sorry!

Was that not suave?

No, I'm crying. I can't.

I'm sorry. I just um... -Here. Here.

Okay. Thank you.

Oh, my God. That is what I get for wearing makeup today.

Shit.

I think you look lovely.

I'm sorry, this is all just a little surreal.

Strange men don't throw sandwiches at you in the park every day?

Oh, shit. I gotta go. Zoom meeting.

-Oh. Yuck. -Tell me about it.

My entire life is staring at assholes

in small boxes on a screen all day.

Not literal assholes. Like, the people I work with.

They're... they are assholes.

Yeah. I got that.

Sorry. I just really have to get going.

Yeah. Of course. No worries.