Frasier

Well, I should warn you, if we hit turbulence,

I may hold onto you for dear life.

Well, I should warn you, I'm hoping for a bumpy ride.

So why are you going to Acapulco?

Actually, it's rather an amusing story.

You see, I came down to the airport

on sort of a blind date with a cello player.

Well, of course, she didn't know it was a blind date.

Actually, it was all in my head, but, uh...

So when I bumped into you and you said you were going to Acapulco,

I thought why not tag along?

So the only reason you're on this plane is because of me?

Call it kismet.

Can I switch seats?

Sure. You're lucky. Normally this flight is jammed.

See? Kismet.

Hmm?

I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but, uh, I have to say,

I'd be flattered if someone got on a plane to be with me.

- Really? - Yeah.

I mean, what could be more romantic than that?

Well...

It's a little awkward trying to speak like this.

- Is that seat taken? - No. Come sit here, please.

Oh.

Pardon me. Sorry. Thank you.

Oh.

At last. Heh.

Uh, I'm Frasier Crane.

- Felicity Stafford. - It's a pleasure.

And this is my husband, David.

Genuine pleasure.

Oh, darn. I... I forgot to order my kosher meal.

So sorry.

Pardon me. I'm so sorry. Well, it was lovely meeting you both.

Uh, stewardess...

Oh, thank you. Bless you.

Oh, thank God the flight's late.

I was sure I'd missed it.

Thank you.

Yes, it's me.

It's amazing what they can do with makeup and lighting.

Yes, it is amazing.

Not that they didn't have plenty to work with.

Oh, by plenty I don't mean anything, you know, referring to, well...

You just stay right there. I'll change seats.

No, no, wait.

Your voice sounds really familiar.

I'm Dr. Frasier Crane from the radio.

Kelly Easterbrook, from the magazine.

Yes.

Well, I'm assuming that you're off to a photo shoot on the beaches of Mexico.

No, actually, I only model part-time these days.

I'm in a Ph.D. program at the University of Washington.

What's your field?

Zoology.

That's why I'm going to Mexico. To observe the spiny-tailed iguana.

A model and a scholar.

This is the part where I normally wake up.

I know what you're thinking.

Hmm.

Last night, walking along the beach...

...when we kicked off our shoes

and looked up at that amazing blanket of stars...

Actually, I was remembering when that iguana ran across your foot,

and you jumped into my arms.

Oh, yes. That too.

You're really quite strong.

I am a supermodel.

- So, Frasier... - Hmm.

Is there any chance you'd be interested in seeing more of me?

There's more?

Of course. Of course. I was hoping we would.

Oh, that's great.

There is one thing I should mention.

- It's a little awkward. - What is it?

Well...

I'm in the process of breaking up with someone.

Hmm.

He plays for the Seahawks,

and with all of us in the public eye, these things have a way of getting out.

So I'd appreciate it if, just for now, you didn't tell anyone about you and me.

What happened between us will never leave this room.

If there's a God in heaven, neither will we.

Have you seen Frasier?

- He's not back from the airport yet? - No.

That's a lot of cheese and crackers. You gonna eat all those?

Don't be stupid. I'm having people over tonight.

- Morning, all. - There you are.

I almost gave up on you.

So, Mr. Impulsive, I got your message. How was Mexico?

Fine. Relaxing.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry?

Yeah, well, considering what a slump your sex life has been in lately,

I know you were hoping for a little, well, you know, action.

You know, south of the border.

Roz, just because the last time you went to Mexico

you were hit on more than a piñata

doesn't mean that was the purpose of my visit as well.

Oh, yeah, right.

You wanted to hear that Acapulco Philharmonic.

So, doc, you get any?

That is none of your business.

Well, better luck next time.

Did it occur to you that I'm merely being discreet?

That I did meet a woman.

I just don't care to broadcast it.

- Yeah. Right. - Sure. That might have happened.

Oh, please. Frankly, I don't have time for this nonsense.

What I did or did not do on my vacation is none of your concern.

Don't you have better things to do than speculate about my sex life?

Oh, Frasier Crane's sex life. Hey, there's a word for that.

It's an oxy...

Oxy...

Moron.

Hey, whoa, easy. I'll get it.

- - All right now, flip over.

Ten kicks on each side.

- - Oh, geez, I hate this one.

What does it do anyway?

Nothing for you. But it does get a nice breeze going.

- Hello, Dr. Crane. - Daphne.

Hello, Eddie. Good boy, Dad.

That's it. I'm through.

So where's Frasier?

He got in a while ago, but jumped right in the shower.

So we still have no idea why he went to Mexico?

Well, you heard the same message we did.

He wanted to do something spur of the moment,

- so he jumped on a plane. - That doesn't concern you?

It's not exactly like him to board a plane without reservations and luggage,

slumber mask.

He probably went down there to try to meet women.

I've seen this with my patients.

They get so distressed over a series of failures,

especially romantic ones, that they act out in bizarre ways.

- - Shh. Shh.

Ah.

Is there anything more refreshing after a long flight

than a hot soak in eucalyptus salts and a snifter of warmed Poire William?

Nothing yet, but keep your ears open.

You know, Dr. Crane,

we're all awfully eager to hear about your trip.

- Did you have a nice time? - Oh, yes. Lovely.

Yeah, did you meet any girls?

Oh.

Well, you know me, Dad. I'm not one to kiss and tell.

- - Struck out, huh?

Well, it'll all turn around for you.

Why does everyone assume it's impossible for me to meet a woman?

No need to get mad. I'm on your side.

- I just feel bad for you. - We all do.

Frankly, I'm sick and tired of everyone's pity.

The fact is I did meet a woman down there.

A perfectly fabulous woman, and we had an utterly romantic weekend.

Why didn't you just tell us that from the start?

Well, I'm not at liberty to discuss it.

Oh, yes, that pesky Club Med oath of silence.

No. She asked me to be discreet.

See, she's a rather famous supermodel and, uh...

Right now she's going through a breakup

with a star football player on the Seahawks,

and she didn't want any publicity.

So, you see, before I identify her to you,

I have to ask that you not ever repeat this to anyone.

I'd urge you to do the same.

Her name is Kelly Easterbrook.

The lotion girl. Ooh, she has such milky skin.

I thought so, yes. Mmm.

We were inseparable the entire weekend.

You know, some people think I look like her.

Oh, yes.

I've got a picture of her. I'll be right back.

Well, it's one thing to concoct a little white lie,

but to come up with a supermodel...

Who'd dump an NFL player for Frasier.

I think you two are just being awful. I've never known Dr. Crane to tell a lie.

Actually, this is not without precedent.

When he was 10, he forged letters from Leonard Bernstein

and told everyone they were pen pals.

- Oh, yeah. - Remember?

He'd come bounding up the stairs. "Got another one from Lenny."

We were all agog until Mr. Bernstein wrote that his Broadway debut was Candide

when everyone knows that it was On the Town.

That's when we knew it was a fake.

The sloppy kid lettering was also a clue.

Here she is.

It's from the magazine.

Yeah, she's in lots of magazines.

And billboards too. Now she's my girlfriend.

Oh.

Well, I'm off to bed. Didn't get much sleep over the weekend.

- You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

Good night.

He just snapped like a twig, didn't he?

Hello?

Kelly. Hi.

Gee, I didn't know you were back in town.

Uh...