The Best You Can

The age difference? No, it's never an issue.

I mean, just to give you a sense of things,

I was in my 30s at the time.

I was a practicing physician. I own my own condo.

I wasn't some flaky kid.

But then I met Warren.

And at 57, he was in his absolute prime.

He was handsome and vigorous

and doing important things

with the kind of wisdom and empathy

you only acquire living in the world that long.

Mm-hm.

Warren was a man...

a fully evolved, remarkable man.

Okay. I'm back.

-Did she bring the dessert menu? -Ah...

Trust me, you have never in your life

tasted a crème brûlée like the one they make here.

Unless you've been to Paris, of course.

No, not our table. -It's not?

No, no, no.

Come on. We were just sitting here.

No, we weren't just sitting here. Yeah.

-Oh. -Here.

Terribly sorry.

- -Mm!

I went to the ladies room by mistake. I guess I'm on a roll.

Deep breath.

No.

You didn't even give me a chance to exhale. Motherfuck.

What, are you having a smoke back there?

-Pick up the pace. -Try to relax.

Yeah. I might have to wait until your fist is out of my goddamn--

Enlarged prostate.

Fairly common at your age.

Yeah? That why it takes me a half hour to piss?

Yes. The gland is exerting pressure in the urethra.

Picture a garden hose being stepped on.

I don't want to do that.

Just fix it, man. I'm begging you.

I do security patrol. I'm in a car all night.

I gotta pee every second. I'm going to people's bushes.

You urinate in people's bushes?

When I do vacation checks. It's fine.

Flomax. It should give you some relief, but see a urologist.

At your age with these symptoms,

there's a significant risk of prostate cancer.

Nice to meet you too.

I really like that Quinto fella at dinner.

It was very smart of you to add him to your practice.

These African doctors are-- they're really more empathetic.

That's been my experience.

You did mention that in the car, sweetheart, but thank you.

That means a lot that you feel that way. It really does.

Oh-- Oh.

There you are.

Where's that voicemail button? They keep moving.

Okay, you just took a screenshot.

Trying to get this voicemail.

Um... Let's just move you here. Thanks.

Hey, it's Steve Lucas.

So, Warren, I finally heard back

from Leslie at Simon and Schuster.

Sorry to say she passed on the pitch.

They're just not looking for Watergate stuff right now.

"Watergate stuff?"

It's goddamn history.

-This is monumental history. -Sorry, honey.

I was assistant chief counsel to the Senate committee, Cynthia.

We exposed the crimes of a sitting president.

Are you telling me that that story

is not relevant today?

I'm not. No.

Worked hand in glove with the great Sam Ervin.

On the Zoom, that Leslie character

didn't even know who he was.

Kept calling him Julius Erving.

God.

When did I fall off the edge of the earth?

- -

FaceTime? For real, Dad?

Well, you don't return a goddamn voicemail.

Oh, God. Yeah.

Glad to see you're alive. Somewhat.

Is it, um, morning or afternoon?

Try again.

-That explains the darkness. -Sammi, what are you doing?

Are you singing at all? Open mic nights. Anything?

I-- I've been writing, mostly, but, ugh...

I've gotta go, Dad.

I'm starting to feel sick from whatever I did last night.

Okay, okay. Well, come over tomorrow.

I'll get Chinese from next door.

You love the boiled squid, right?

Oh, God.

Such a delicate flower.

Oh, come on, Mr. Prostate. Come on.

[INCONSISTENT TRICKLING OF URINE]

- -

-Oh, Christ on a bike. -

BPSP, Officer Olszewski speaking.

Hey. Yeah. Um, uh, we live across from the Rand house.

228 Lawrence.

My wife said she just saw some guy hopped a side gate.

I don't know, you might want to go check that out.

On my way, sir.

Mother of ass.

- -

Warren Rand. I'm not available right now.

Shit.

Oh, fuck a duck.

- -

- Warren.

There's someone in the house. Warren.

Oh!

Man, do I have to pee.

-Get out! -

Get out! I have a gun.

-BPSP. BPSP. -BPSP? What are you saying?

Brooklyn private security patrol.

The alarm company?

No. Private security. Ex-cops. You pay for it monthly.

Oh, right. God, I forgot.

We signed up for that, like, three years ago.

It's on auto pay, so I don't...

Why didn't you announce yourself?

I was about to when you--

-You had an intruder, ma'am. -I know.

I don't walk around with a lamp all night.

He fled, but I need to check the house.

Can you wait here with the dog, please?

Anything in there?

-No. -Oh. Okay.

So, what do you think happened?

You think he came in through that window?

Ma'am, can you please wait there?

Could you take your shoes off?

-What? -We're a shoes-off household.

Okay. Yeah, sure. Sorry.

Oh, my God, and I just realized something.

The alarm didn't go off.

-Not set. -Not even set.

My husband always sets the alarm. Always. He never forgets.

-He forgot. -He did.

Yes, he did. And I didn't even think to check.

You know how when you're not in the habit

of doing something every day?

-Yeah. -I mean, brushing your teeth?

You're not going to forget that. But setting an alarm is...

Wow. You know, they say that you feel violated

when you get robbed?

I think I feel that way, but it's all so recent.

I haven't had a chance to process it.

-Is this your room? -Yeah.

Is he usually such a sound sleeper?

Yes.

He's older than me. Than most people.

Ma'am, this is very unprofessional,

but I need to urinate immediately.

May I use your bathroom, please? Thank you.

Of course. The powder room is right downstairs.

Yep.

Hey, I just remembered something.

A young guy rang our doorbell, like, a week ago,

raising money for a school basketball team,

but it sounded kind of fake.

He kept forgetting the name of the school.

Could that have been him casing us?

Do you have a video?

A video? Did I take a video of him?

That would be weird.

I meant, do you have a doorbell camera?

Oh, no.

Everybody has those now.

Would that have taken a video? How does that work, exactly?

Ma'am, I'm terribly sorry.

I've been having some difficulty lately.

-Would you mind very much not... -Not what?

-Speaking. -Oh, sorry.

Of course.

-Have you seen a urologist? -Not yet.

I'm a urologist, that's what I do.

I'm at Riverview in Manhattan. Call the office tomorrow.

-I'll get you in right away. -Okay.

Doctor Cynthia Rand. But don't go through the main desk.

As for my personal scheduler, Yolanda,

-she can be a little girl. -Ma'am.

Sorry.

I'm gonna put my card in your shoe.