Wrecked

Previously on "Wrecked"...

It's the community pile. I saved it,

and now everyone thinks it's gone.

- What are they fighting over? - Airline pretzels.

- The only food we have left. - Will you marry me?

- No. - Why not?

Because you lied to me, Todd.

And you stole the camp's stuff.

- Whatever, dude. - Where's our stuff?!

It's all gone! I hid it.

From now on, I'm the friggin' king of the island!

Come on, Steve. Be strong. Yeah.

"See the world," they said.

I should never have left Papakura.

Oh, dear! Aah!

Okay, Todd, can I get that toothbrush now?

You look a little short there, Legs.

You said three nuts!

Oh, yeah, that was before tax.

Now it's four.

Come on, Todd!

My mouth tastes like a... homeless foot!

You don't like it, go find a Rite-Aid!

I think there's one, like, a thousand miles that way.

All right, I'll get you another nut!

Of course, now there's also my handling fee and gratuity.

So why don't you throw in that hat.

But my head is so small. It will never fit you.

Maybe I'll wipe my ass with it.

It's getting a little chaffed.

There you go.

This is criminal.

Nah, it's within the law.

The Todd law.

Go get it!

So that's included in the extra nuts?

No.

Just look at him, hoarding all of our stuff like that.

Todd's unleashed a lot of bad juju.

People are getting desperate.

Yeah, if we're gonna be living here,

we need some basic rules and regulations.

I just wish there was a way to get the stuff back from Todd.

I mean... We could bum-rush him,

take back our stuff with good, old American force.

We can't. He's got all of our stuff hidden somewhere

like some kind of rat.

- Danny! - Hey, guys.

How can I be of service?

You're a cop. Can't you make Todd

give us all our stuff back with your...

Emma, are you suggesting I use my weapon for intimidation?

Because I would never...

What the hell do you want?

For you to give up the goods, Todd.

Are you threatening me, dude?

What are you gonna do, shoot me?

Hey! Hey, police brutality!

- Danny's gonna shoot me! - Shh!

No, no, no, no, no!

I can't believe you would even consider that.

Civilians.

Karen: Daniel, why don't you do a stakeout?

Tail him till he leads you to the stash.

A stakeout, brilliant. Why didn't I think of that?

I could kiss you right now.

- Do it. - What?

- Do it. Kiss me on the mouth. - Oh, no, thank you.

Come on. Come right on in.

That's not what I was implying.

You're not coming to me, I'm coming to you.

- Oh, oh. - How about this?

Is this close enough to get you enticed?

- Uh, I'm... I'm not... Ohh. - What about this?

If you want to use your tongue, I'm not gonna complain.

Okay, I think I'm gonna go do the stakeout,

if you guys don't mind.

But rest assured, Todd's gonna lead me right to the stash.

My, my, my.

Sure it hot out here, isn't it...

Daniel?

Reveal yourself!

Hello, Todd.

I applaud the effort, but I smelled your beard sweat

from a hundred yards out.

So, what did you think? I was just gonna slip up

and let you follow me to the stuff?

No.

Hilarious.

But I'm not showing you Jimmy Jack Corn.

Yeah. Well, we'll see about that.

We'll see, all right.

Yeah, we totally will.

Or will we not?

Maybe we won't.

So you're saying we won't?

Yeah.

God damn it, get out of my head, man!

- Whoo! - Damn it!

You're weak in here.

Okay, Yolonzo, where is your inhaler?

Hmm?

Yolonzo, donde esta Tu inhaler?

The Todd.

He made me pay to use.

I give him two sunscreens.

It's not enough.

We are his prisoners!

No, you guys, hear me out.

What if we dug a giant pit?

And make it deep enough so that nobody can crawl out.

We can throw Todd in there until he gives us all of our stuff back.

- Pit justice, I like it. - Yes, finally.

I've been trying to do that to Todd for years.

No, no, no, no. What you're talking about is a prison.

Yeah, Flo, face the facts.

Todd took all of our stuff,

and a giant pit is how we get it back.

I mean, come on, you guys. People are dying here.

Que?!

Pit justice. I'm with Emma.

Mm.

You're talking about putting a man in a hole.

That is a basic human-rights violation.

Ha! Can you guys tell she almost minored in political science?

Oh!

Okay, for this pit, what are we thinking?

Beach, jungle?

Who made you leader?

Well, no one is really stepping up here.

Yeah, I think we need an election.

It would be nice for someone to set some ground rules here.

I just wish there was some sort of natural leader,

like a lawyer or a doctor.

Turd, I am a doctor!

- Oh, okay. - Yeah. You know what?

I nominate myself, okay?

I, Emma, nominate myself for leader.

Good, so we can turn this majestic island

into a North Korean prison state.

I nominate myself.

Florence, come on. Do you really want to go there?

Oh, I already went there, and it's friggin' paradise.

That's a good platform.

Oh, electi-o-o-on!!

So, what are we thinking for this pit?

Eight feet, nine feet?

Hell, why don't we just round up to 10?

I like your style, Emma. You don't pull punches.

The world needs more dragon bitches like us.

I wouldn't call myself a dragon bitch. Maybe...

And I'd love to be a part of your campaign.

Put that black-market bastard in this hole!

Okay. Uh, well, I can use all the help I could get.

So welcome aboard.

Now let's cut the shit and get to work.

The election's tonight, and your hippy-dippy friend

over there is already glad-handing.

It's campaigning time.

Hi. Emma. Can I count on your vote tonight?

I'm gonna hold you to it. Gonna hold you to it.

We're family. And family's got to hug.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Flo is the way to go.

Finally! Someone who understands the value of the pit.

Oh, yeah. I can't wait to get Todd in that pit.

- Yeah. - Start torturing him.

Uh, no.

We're not torturing anyone here.

Oh, right.

We're not torturing anyone here.

We're gonna Guantanamo it. That's smart.

No, still not what I'm saying.

No, no, no, I get what you're saying.

I read you five-by-five. No torture here whatsoever!

- Yes. - Wink.

Emma wants to throw Todd in a prison for taking our stuff.

But isn't having the stuff the real prison?

If you don't vote for Emma, you can go yourself.

All right, Margaret, see you tonight.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick...

Ahh. You're not gonna wait me out, pal.

I'm not going back to the stuff.

At some point, you're gonna need food or water or toilet paper.

Oh, will I?

'Cause you happen to be talking to the guy

that used to shit his pants for laughs.

That's right.

In my fraternity, my nickname was Streaks.

Pbht!

Right. Jess told me you guys met at some frat party.

Did she now?

You guys were together since college.

That's a pretty long time.

I see what you're doing.

Get me talking about Jess and her perfect ta-tas

so I break down and cry and shit.

Well, good luck, pal, 'cause I'm a Goddamn rock.

And it wasn't some frat party.

Oh, yeah?