Barefoot in the Park

We just got married!

They just got married.

Whoa!

This is the Plaza Hotel, please.

Plaza. Corie, it's the Plaza.

Wait a minute. I'm not finished.

Corie, the man is waiting. Wait.

Give him a big tip.

Paul, tell me you're not sorry we got married.

After 40 minutes? Let's give it a couple of hours first.

Paul?

If the honeymoon doesn't work out, let's not get divorced.

Let's kill each other.

Let's have one of the maids do it.

I hear the service here is wonderful.

Uh...

Uh... (GRUNTS)

Here's... Bye. Thank you.

Come on.

Good afternoon. Yes. Uh...

My hand. I need my hand.

"Mr. Paul Bratter." Yes.

And is Mrs. Bratter staying with you?

My mother?

Uh, oh! Mrs. Bratter, yes.

Mr. and Mrs. Bratter.

How long will you be staying with us, Mr. Bratter?

Six days.

And nights.

It's a pleasure to have you at The Plaza.

449.

Come on...

Corie, let's stop, huh?

This way, please.

Oh, ex...excuse me. Excuse us, please.

Mr. Adams, I hope you realize I'm only 15 years old.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Well, they're so stuffy around here.

Is... Is this what life is going to be like

for the next 50 years?

Is that all we're going to be married, 50 years?

That's not very long.

No, wait. Don't make rash judgments.

Paul, I think I'm going to be a lousy wife.

But don't be angry with me.

I love you very much,

and I'm very sexy.

Then let's go inside.

I'm paying $30 a day.

Okay, Paul, let's start the marriage.

Good luck, Paul.

Good luck, Corie.

Forget it. They're never coming out.

How long has it been now?

Five days.

That must be a hotel record.

For a political convention.

A honeymoon record is nine days.

Wait a minute, Paul! Where are you going?

Work. I have to go to work.

I don't do this for a living, you know.

Can't you call them and tell them you can't come in today?

Tell them you're sick.

I am sick, but I have to go in today.

Last night you promised you'd never leave me.

But it's just till 5:30. Just until 5:30.

Corie, if it's a good marriage, it'll last until 5:30.

See you. Tonight, hey?

What was that?

A kiss?

Dear, would you get inside? This is a nice hotel.

Was that a kiss?

'Cause, boy, if that's what kisses are going to be like from now on,

don't bother to come back at 5:30.

Corie, I can't kiss you anymore.

My lips are numb. Now will you please go inside?

If you don't give me a real kiss,

I'm going to give you back your pajamas.

Right now.

No, wait...

What? Wait!

Couldn't you make it 4:30?

Oh!

Tonight.

At the new apartment.

Okay, it's 49 West 10th street.

I love you! Yeah. Uh.

Thank you, Mr. Dooley.

Next time you're in New York, just call me up.

Hello?

Bratter?

Up here, top floor!

Top floor.

Take your time!

Yeah.

Top floor.

It's always the top floor.

Whatever happened to elevators?

Let's see. The bed is six feet long

and the room is five-and-a-half feet

and I'm in big trouble.

Teleph...

Hi. Teleph...

Telephone company.

The phone? Yeah.

Oh, great! Come on in.

That's...

That's quite a climb.

Yes. Five flights, if you don't count the front stoop.

Yeah, I counted the front stoop.

Uh, would you like a glass of water?

Please.

I'd offer you soda or a beer or something,

but we don't have anything yet.

A glass of water's fine.

Except we don't have any glasses either.

Oh.

You could, uh...

You could put your head under and just schlurp.

Oh, no, I don't have enough breath to slurp.

Well...

Where would you like the phone?

Gee, uh...

I don't know.

Any suggestions?

Well, it all depends on what you're going to do with the room.

Yeah.

You going to have furniture in here?

Sure.

Listen, you can give me a long extension cord,

and I'll carry it around with me for the first few years.

Good. I'll use the old connection.

Whew! Boy!

You're really going to live up here, huh?

I mean every day.

Every day.

I hope that's the men with the furniture.

I don't want to see this.

Hello, Bloomingdale's!

Lord & Taylor's.

Oh.

Up here, top floor!

Oh, my God.

It's probably another wedding gift from my mother.

She sends me wedding gifts twice a day.

I hope it's an electric heater.

Is it cold in here?

I can't grip the phone. Maybe the steam is off.

Maybe that's it.

Just turn it on. It'll come right up.

It is on.

It's just not coming up.

Oh.

Your husband have a lot of sweaters?

You know, I prefer it this way.

Yeah, it's a medical fact that steam heat's bad for you.

Yeah? In February?

Just put them down anywhere.

I know. I know.

Oh, I'm... I'm terribly sorry about the stairs.

I think he wants you to sign it.

Oh.

Oh, wait a minute.

There you are.

Are you going to be all right?

That's a shame, giving a job like that to an old man.

He's probably only 25.

They age fast on this route.

Okay, lady, you're in business.

My own phone.

Hey, can I make a call yet?

Well, your bill started two minutes ago.

Who can I call?

Yeah, I know.

Oh, by the way, my name is Harry Pepper.

If you ever have any trouble with that phone,

do me a favor, don't ask for Harry Pepper.

What's the matter, bad news?

It is going to be cloudy tonight with a light snow.

And just think, you'll be the first one in the city to see it fall.

Hello, is Mr. Paul Bratter there, please?