Detective Lovesick (うぬぼれ刑事)

3 seconds.

That's how long a gaze should be held for a man and woman to fall in love.

No more, no less.

The gaze is felt,

eye contact is established,

then broken.

That's how every romance begins.

Our bodies are equipped with sensors to detect stares from the opposite sex.

Yes, the Gaze Sensor.

It is located here.

This Gaze Sensor is the entrance

for all romantic relationships.

Then, let's focus all our thoughts on the Gaze Sensor!

Do you feel it? Her gaze.

If you do... look at her!

Meet her eyes! Look away!

Stop! It's still too early to start congratulating yourself.

If she is interested in you, you'll definitely get another glance.

This ritual has even been observed in the animal kingdom.

Okay. Focus on your Gaze Sensor.

When you feel her gaze... Look at her!

Meet her eyes! Look away!

Give her a moment to recover...

then quickly look again!

1 2 3

All right, break eye contact.

Check her reaction.

If she smiles at you,

that's your Go Sign.

To be honest, I'm shocked.

To think it turned out like this.

I have no intention of taking advantage of your weakness.

But I just...

couldn't bear to leave things at that.

- Um... - Ah...

I... just can't control my feelings.

It happens to everyone.

But this is the first time!

Please, you have to believe me!

This is a major event for both of us.

- Please let me off! - There's no way I can let you go.

Well, I'm a bit rushed for time today...

Let's have a meal together next time.

The devil made me do it!

I was feeling so overwhelmed...

And this. This too.

This is all of it.

I won't do it again! So please, I'm begging you!

Please don't report me to the police!

No! I don't want to go!

Ahhh!!

Here it comes.

Unubore-san, another one?

Only he can apprehend a shoplifter just by going out to lunch. No one can match you, Unubore-san!

Bastard. I'll never forget this!

I won't let you off so easily!

Excuse me, this man just groped my boobs!

How is it permissible for police officers to molest suspects?

Up till last year, he was stationed at the main branch.

Wow! What an elite.

He was the ace of the Criminal Investigation unit, and even received the Superintendent-General Award.

You're kidding! How did he end up here then?

It was a woman.

He had a breakdown after his fiancée dumped him.

Get out of my way.

I won't let you leave!

I'm tired of you!

If you break up with me,

I might as well be dead!

Kill me!

Rie!

Rie! Kill me!

Hasn't he been moping over it for a year already?

When they got engaged, they took out a loan to buy a condo in Tokorozawa.

He goes there to cry every night. And it takes 1 and a half hours just to get there!

To the Condo of Tears?

- He'll hear us! - No such thing!

- But he's looking over here. - Eh?

But he's good-looking as long as he stays silent.

He seems to think all the girls will flock to him if he acts the strong and silent type.

Is that's why he's called 'Unubore'? Poor thing!

Sorry.

Here.

Time for a review!

How long should a gaze be held for a man and woman to fall in love?

1 2 3 Go!

Their security is awesome.

Okamoto-san here made the report.

I'm Machida from Setagaya-doori Police Station. Please tell us what happened.

The door to the department of Planning & Development was left open.

The light was switched on inside. I thought someone was working overtime,

so I called out, but no one answered.

You've been working hard.

Uwaa~

We're in the middle of the post-mortem right now, but it's clear that his head has been seriously injured.

Uwa! Uwa~

He was hit twice with a blunt object. Do you know the victim?

He was the ace of the Planning department.

This thing... My kid has the same one!

It can talk.

- Uwa~ - Uwa! I haven't said anything else but 'Uwa' today.

It's impossible after all.

She's too old for me.

Anyway, why are you covered in blood?

No, I should be serious in my endeavours.

More importantly, why are you covered in blood?

I was killed in the last scene we filmed today.

So I will still be dead in the first scene tomorrow.

I have to stay like this for the sake of continuity.

You have to go to such lengths as an actor?

I do this precisely because no one else goes this far!

Days!

Eh? Sadame-cchi, you look great!

You're playing a corpse again? Where's Mama?

Resting. She drank too much and lost her voice again.

And I even brought dessert for her!

- Anyway, Matsuoka-san, listen. Yet another actress is trying to seduce me. - Seriously?

I should just have gone straight home.

Somehow I didn't feel like returning to that painful reminder of a condo tonight

so I stumbled upon this bar.

I was hoping to have a comforting chat with a quiet, understanding bartender about my hopes of finding a new love.

- How about some pickles? - What's with these high spirits?

Isn't this expression a little risky?

"I'd like to get together with you again." But you wrote 'crotch' instead of 'again'! I bet it was on purpose.

Subliminal porn?

I can't stand this!

There's no way I can send this!

Then, how about we all press 'send' at once?

- You would do that? - Of course! We're the maestros of love.

Where can we get the best signal?

Signal... Here!

Mr. Love? This way.

- Sending - you

- our love - Love Love Essaimu!

Go and die.

Sorry about the noise. They're called Unubore 4.

Unubore 4?

What should I do? I think Kasumi-chan's in love with me.

Wait. What's that! Why say that after I've messaged her?

I took some gravure shots of her earlier. At Hakone.

You might find it odd, but she was trying to seduce me.

Wow! Amazing.

She was really doing her best to entice me.

Her eyes... you might find it odd, but they looked like those of animals mating.

She was doing this all for my sake.

Disgusting, isn't it? They'll be indulging in such narcissistic talk all the way till morning.

Wait. You should let our captain analyse this.

You're here, Kurihashi-sensei.

- What does it say? - Shh!

Yes or no?

Goro-chan. Get him the champagne.

Success!

You can gauge how seriously a woman is interested in you through her messages.

Multiply the number of lines with the number of emoticons, divide by how long she takes to reply, multiply by a hundred.

Are you serious? The actual content is irrelevant?

- In 5 lines, she used... - 7 emoticons.

From the time of sending to the time of reply, it has been 48 seconds.

35 ÷ 48 × 100 is... about 70%

Amazing. He was just winging it at the end though.

It's up to you now, Sadame-kun.

- See You Next Stage! - Yes, captain!

Then this calls for a celebration!

Time for the latest creation of Patissier Matsuoka?

Today it's Tutti Frutti!

The one from before? Eh... I have yet to try it!

It's rather light, and goes excellently with champagne.

How cute!

Please listen to what I have to say.

Ah! Sorry.

You can't call that fate, Detective-san.

It was only a simple coincidence.

- B-b-b-but! - Calm down.

But I really felt something special there. My heart was pounding!

Oh yes, and there's those 3 seconds!

Our eyes met for 3 seconds.

You counted really quickly, didn't you.

1 2 3 Go

Well, I might have been slightly overanxious.

But!

I think she must've felt something for me too!

How can you be so sure?

Here.

All she did was smile at you.

It's written in your book! A woman only smiles at a man

when she's in love with him, or when a bug flies into her nose.

- It must have been the bug then. - Wait!

Before that, you ought to apologise. My Tutti Frutti...

What should I do?!

Do I have a chance with her?

When you bump shoulders, oranges scatter across the streets, right?

Here it comes. The hallmark of 80s' dramas!

When you bend to pick up the fallen oranges,

the two of you reach out for the same one at once,

hands touching, the eyes meet, then cue the music!

- How's that? - Brilliant.

This sucks. Totally.

This will definitely be a flop.

From the moment I bought summer tangerines instead of oranges,

it was doomed.

I should just give up.